


What You Are

by PilDoor



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean, Break-up (brief), Cheating, Cheating Dean, Dean Has Self-Worth Issues, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic, Domestic Violence, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, High School, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Michael/Dean abusive relationship, Not on Cas don't worry I wouldn't do that, Rimming, Tattooed Dean, Teacher Castiel, Teacher Dean, This is not a Michael/Dean fic, Top Castiel, Violence, Writer Dean, kind of smut it's not the main thing, not Michean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-04 12:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 47,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6658120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PilDoor/pseuds/PilDoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is the new English teacher at Lawrence High and as the other English teacher Dean gets to take him under his wing. And he gets to be under Cas too, if you catch my drift. But he's already in a committed relationship and he doesn't know how to get out.</p><p>When he does manage to get out, the relationship problems turn out to be just the tip of the iceberg and Dean has an abundance of trouble to deal with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introductions

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't had a whole bunch of thoughts about this so it might take me a while to write this one. Especially because I really want to write on my Chubby Dean 'verse, except that there's no real angst and I'm an addict. I need Dean to fucking _hurt_. Yeah, I'm sick, whatever.
> 
> But yeah, I hope this turns out, and feel free to leave kudos and comments, they make me so happy :-)
> 
> This isn't beta'd for shit.

Dean cups his hands under the stream of water and scrubs water on his face. He glances at himself in the mirror though it’s something he tends to try and avoid. He knows he’s pale, he knows his green eyes are rimmed red from exhaustion and he knows his nose will always have a little crooked dent because it’s been broken too many times.

He dries his face in a paper towel and leaves the faculty restroom. 

There aren’t many thoughts going through his mind yet; he hasn’t had coffee yet and he’s learned not to let his mind wander. He counts spoonfuls of ground coffee as he pours it into the machine. He’s the first teacher there this morning. He does have some grading to catch up on. It’s embarrassing that he’s so far behind.

If the seniors complain to Mr. Crowley he’ll be in trouble.

It’s another 40 minutes and two cups of coffee later that he’s interrupted from his grading by Charlie and Benny coming to sit across from him, coffees in hand.

“Good morning, Dean!” Charlie smiles brightly.

He stacks his papers together – he’s almost done grading the AP English papers now.

“’Morning.” He doesn’t get to say anything else, before Charlie starts again:

“The new English teacher is starting today! I hope it’s a girl. And that she’s hot,” she stares starry-eyed at nothing.

Dean and Benny chuckle, “I can’t believe you still want to date coworkers since the Dorothy fiasco,” Benny says.

She glares at him but decides she’s done with the subject, apparently, as she turns back to Dean, brows knitted in concern, “How’s you ankle? Doing better?”

Dean swallows a long drag of his coffee before smiling reassuringly, “Yeah, much better. It’s just a little sore. The swelling's gone down though.”

“You still limping?” Benny asks. Dean shakes his head.

“How was it you strained in the first place?” Charlie asks. Dean never really had come up with a story, but luckily he doesn’t have to now either, because the principal – Crowley – enters the teachers’ lounge with a dark-haired and shy-looking man in tow. He undeniably attractive, Dean thinks to himself.

So he should probably not talk to him too much. 

“Hm, not a woman. But he _is_ hot,” Charlie grins and turns around to wiggle her eyebrows at Dean.

He frowns at her, “I have a boyfriend, remember?” 

She rolls her eyes. Crowley clears his throat.

“Good morning staff. I’d like to introduce you to our new English teacher, Mr. Novak, who specializes in AP English language and composition. I trust you all will give him a warm welcome. Great!” Crowley gestures for the teachers to go back to what they were doing. He never was the sentimental kind.

“Let’s go introduce ourselves!” Charlie says and they start to get up. 

The trio gets up and stands awkwardly in line behind Dorothy and Garth that are busy over rumpling the new guy. Dean can hear his voice, low and gravelly, and he catches the blue of his eyes. He swallows. 

Crowley interrupts Garth’s vivid explanation of how to stop a food fight, by putting a hand on Dean’s shoulder and all but pushing him into Mr. Novak’s personal space. 

“Castiel! This is Dean Winchester, he’s the other AP English teacher. If you need anything, just ask him,” he says and is gone again. Dean glares after him and straightens out his button-down.

He clears his throat and smiles at Castiel, “Hey, sorry. I’m Dean, I teach AP English literature and composition,” he extends his hand and Castiel shakes it. And no, Dean doesn’t take a moment to fall in love with his hands. But they’re pale and all angles, and they move very lightly though his handshake was firm. Does Dean have a fetish, why the fuck is he thinking about this??

“Nice to meet you, I-“ Castiel is interrupted by Charlie clearing her throat obnoxiously, but if he’s going to be here any significant amount of time he may as well get used to it.

“Oh, excuse me, this is Charlie, IT teacher, and this is Benny, he teaches European history.”

Castiel nods and then Charlie starts round 1 of questions.

Dean grins at the surprised and overwhelmed look on Castiel's face and goes to pour himself a new cup of coffee as well as one for Cas.

“So are you single?” Charlie is already plotting.

“Charlie, leave him alone, it’s not even 8 in the morning. You’re in room 2-13, right?” He asks Castiel.

The blue-eyed man nods, “I haven’t gotten a chance to visit the room yet.”

Dean hands him the cup of coffee, “Come on, I’ll take you. You’re right across from me.”

They’re walking down the hallway that is already starting to crowd with students. “Don’t mind Charlie, she can be a little overbearing.”

Castiel grins, “Yes, so it would appear. I believe she intended to ask me out for a date.”

Dean snorts his coffee, “Oh no, she’s gay. I think she was trying to ask for me,” he doesn’t know why he blushes and he hates it a little bit.

Castiel blushes too, though, “Oooh, I see. So this is a LGBT friendly school?”

Dean walks into classroom 2-13, Castiel following closely, “Yeah, very much so. We even celebrate pride week every May.”

Castiel hums. He’s opening the drawers in the desk and looking at the shelves of the bookcase next to it. It’s all pretty empty. Shurley didn't exactly leave a bunch of stuff behind.

“Your classroom is right across the hall?” Castiel asks, his back turned to Dean. He’s looking curiously out the window. He has the view over the track field. Dean has a view over the cafeteria. He doesn’t get why there’s a window in his classroom to be honest, it's _inside_.

“Yeah, 2-14” Dean confirms. He’s _not_ checking out Castiel’s ass. Fuck, he needs to distance himself from this man.

Castiel hums and goes to stand behind his desk. He pulls his briefcase onto it and starts pulling out papers. Dean gets the feeling that he’s dismissed.

“Uh, see you later,” he mumbles and leaves without a response from the new teacher.

 

\-----

 

Dean is writing notes on the whiteboard while his TA, Krissy, hands out the graded papers on Macbeth when there’s a knock on the door.

Krissy looks up at Dean briefly and Dean nods that he will answer it. 

“Hello, De- uh- Mr. Winchester. I do apologize for the interruption but you wouldn’t happen to have an extra marker for the whiteboard, would you?” Castiel asks. No one’s even given him markers? Fucking Crowley.

Dean goes back to his desk while the students cast curious glances at the new teacher. He pulls out the top drawer to procure a three-pack of markers, which he throws at Castiel who fumbles awkwardly before dropping it. Dean rolls his eyes and tries not to laugh. So _not_ an after school coach, probably.

“Sorry. You need a rag for the whiteboard too?” Dean is still grinning. Castiel is glaring adorably at him. Oh god, why does Dean have to be so weak?!

“Krissy, would you mind getting a rag for Mr. Novak when you’re done handing those out?” she confirms that she doesn't. 

Castiel is about to say something but then a paper airplane flies out of his room across the hall and he points his thumb over his shoulder while giving Dean a regretful look, “I had better get back.”

Dean laughs “See you later.”

 

\----

 

He has to finish grading the fucking papers but his eyes keep glancing at the clock over the door. Michael’s going to be pissed if Dean isn’t home when he gets home, and it’s starting to become somewhat of a race against time. Dean still needs to grade five more three-page papers on contemporary examples of avant-garde poetry.

Why couldn’t he be one of those teachers that just give A’s and B’s at random? Why did he have to be so goddamn morally responsible? 

Deciding to give Ben a C+ he ruffles the paper together in a rush, hearing the telltale rish-rash of some of them crumpling up but he doesn’t have time to care. It’s not the first time students are getting crumpled, ripped or coffee-stained papers back. What can he say? He’s a mess.

Trying to lock a door when your in a rush is no good, and he really shouldn’t run in the hallways but Michael’s going to be home in 15 minutes, with is half of how long Dean’s commute is so he’s royally screwed and he honestly doesn’t know why he’s even trying at this point. 

He’s looking at his wristwatch when he runs smack into Castiel, dropping his briefcase and sending papers flying in the process. 

“Fuck! Oh shit, I’m sorry,” Dean scrambles on all fours, trying to collect his papers, “Are you alright?”

“Yes, quite,” Castiel is smoothing his goddamn sweater-vest over his chest, then bends to help Dean out.

Dean is cursing under his breath but he doesn’t even realize until Castiel says, “I trust you don’t use that kind of language in front of the students?”

He’s just about to start cursing at Castiel when he sees the playful smile tugging at his lips, “Well, you’re certainly welcome to use a transcription for your class.”

Castiel chuckles and Dean finally gets up, having successfully collected all the papers. He stuffs them into his briefcase, crumpling them up further. Castiel lifts an eyebrows at his antics, “You in a hurry?”

“Oh god, you have no idea. Hey, I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?” Dean is already off again, speed-walking down the hallway. The soccer team is just done with practice so he tries to navigate through them as they enter right as he tries to exit the school.

 

\----

 

Dean gestures to the whiteboard where a verse from the Raven is scribbled in his handwriting, “So? Is it ironic?” he asks. Some of the students squint at the board, others look at the cellphones he knows are in their laps. One girl, Becky, raises her hand.

He gives them another moment to think while he just keeps standing still. He can feel himself wheezing slightly and thinks to himself that yeah, at least one rib is probably bent. It’ll be fine though, it’s not something he has to see a doctor for. But it does mean it hurts when he sits down and gets up, so he stays on his feet the whole day. He can’t pace either because his ankle is still sprained – no matter what he’s told Charlie.

Finally Ben raises his hand.

 

\----

 

It’s one week in and Castiel has taken to sit with Dean, Benny and Charlie during lunch ever since Dean first invited him to on that first day. Dean is typically grading papers and reviewing lesson plans during the break since he never gets far with it at home. 

“You’re teaching On the Road?” Castiel is bent over a sheet of Dean’s lesson plans.

“Huh? Yeah, I used an excerpt last year and the students seemed pretty into it. It’s a good book,” Dean smiles over the table. With every single day Castiel gets more attractive and it’s becoming a real problem. Dean probably should stop interacting with him, but… He can’t. 

Because he’s not just attractive. He’s smart as hell and even weirder, and he’s hilarious and he clings to every single one of Dean’s words and Dean so rarely feels listened to – except for by his students. He’s not used to be taken seriously.

Castiel admits that he’s never read it, and Dean offers: “Hey, you wanna borrow my copy? It’s in my classroom”

“Uhm, sure. Thanks,” Castiel hesitates. Dean feels a little dread in his stomach. He’s always so fucking eager, but he still can’t stop himself from getting up, “let’s go get it.”

Castiel just follows along. 

 

After school Dean is grading papers again when Castiel knocks on his open door.

“I had this book in my classroom. It’s one of my favorites. I thought you might be interested? Since I’m reading one of yours?” Castiel gestures with a book.  
Turns out to be the Life and Times of Michael K. Dean doesn’t admit that he read it in college, he just says thanks. 

“Are you busy right now?” Castiel asks. He looks at the abundance of papers on the desk in front of Dean.

“Well, I’m not behind at the moment, so… no, not really,” he grins. It’d be weird if he suddenly started handing the students’ assignments back only a week after they’d turned them in, they would just start expecting it. Dean couldn't live up to that.

So they end up reading in Dean’s classroom side by side. Dean’s glad he didn’t tell Castiel he’d read the book because that means he gets to daydream about the dark-haired man while hiding behind the book. Cas’ notes are scribbled in the margins and half the pages are dog-eared. Dean adores it.

He doesn’t get to pretend to be reading for long before he has to call Cas out on not reading either, “What are you staring at?”

Castiel turns around to face Dean, “Oh, I’m sorry, I was looking at this collage you have over here. Did you make it yourself?”

Dean leans past Cas to see. It was a Christmas present from Jess, Sam's finacé, actually. He tells Castiel as much.

“I see,” there’s a slight pause, “Who is Sam?” 

Dean chuckles, “He’s my overgrown brother. He’s down in California and his fiancé is obsessed with scrapbooking so sometimes they’ll send me projects like this.”

“Do you miss them?” Castiel asks. He’s looking at the pictures again. It’s mostly family. Dean doesn’t keep pictures of Michael around.

“Hell yeah. We were extremely close growing up so it sucks being so far apart. Though I guess it’s healthy for us to get some space,” he laughs at the last part. Dean had actually lived in Cali with Sam for the first four years of Sam’s college career. He’d moved back to Lawrence when his father got sick and he never moved back even after his demise. 

“You were close? That must be nice,” Castiel says wistfully. He keeps observing the pictures and Dean thinks he must have inspected every damn freckle by now.

“Yeah, absent parents. We kind of had to. You have any siblings?” Dean changes the subject.

Castiel indulges that he has three older, more or less estranged, siblings and that his parents had moved to Europe in their retirement. 

Dean forgets all about keeping an eye on the clock and when his phone starts singing Enter Sandman at 5.30pm with Michael’s name flashing on the screen he knows he’s _fucked_. In a whirlwind of curses and apologies he packs up and leaves Castiel.

Luckily basketball season starts in two weeks and Dean never told Michael he’s not going to coach the C-team this year. He’ll have the afternoons to get to know Cas all winter. He smiles to himself, but then he frowns. When the fuck did he become ‘Cas’??

 

\----

 

“Thank you for lending me you book, it was quite interesting,” Castiel hands On the Road back to Dean a Thursday afternoon a week after Dean had lent him it.

He smirks, “You want the accompanying worksheets?” and prides himself on making Cas laugh. 

“Maybe I’ll need extra lessons.” 

Krissy groans from behind them and Dean looks back at her in time to see the eye roll. She’s helping him grade papers.

“Do you guys _have_ to flirt when I’m right here?” 

“Shut up or I’ll tell Crowley I want another TA,” Dean mock threatens her.

She just rolls her eyes again. Yeah, she’s such a cool 17 year old. “You’d crash and burn without me, old man.” Sooo cool. Castiel laughs again.

Dean whips his head around to look at him, “Don’t get a TA. It’s a trap!”

“I don’t believe I’m quite as busy as you. So far I can manage on my own,” Castiel says and walks past Dean into the classroom.

“If you two are gonna gossip like the old hags you really are, I’m going to take off, alright, Mr. Winchester?” Krissy is already pulling her phone out of her charger and starting to pack her bag.

“Sure. See you tomorrow,” Dean says. 

Today Castiel tells him about how he is to accompany Charlie with the winter musical. 

“We’re starting auditions next Monday and hopefully we’ll have the roles filled by the Monday after that,” Castiel tells him. Dean flips through the script Cas had brought with him. The Jungle Book.

“That’s pretty neat, Cas. I mean, I knew Charlie was a thespian, but I hadn’t thought it about you,” he snickers at his own joke.

“I was a theater minor,” of course the joke flies over Cas head.

“But yes, I’m also gay.” Okay, maybe not.

Dean crumples the page in his hand as his head snaps up at Cas, “What?”

Uhm okay, can he be cool?

Castiel takes the script from him, attempting to straighten out the page on his thigh, “Is that going to put a restraint on our friendship?” he says coolly.

Dean’s the one averting his eyes, “No no, not at all.”

And fuck is he in trouble now. He’s been trying to be cool but truth is he’s attracted as fuck to Castiel and the whole getting to know him did nada to soothe the attraction. On the contrary, Dean was thinking about Cas even more. In situations he really shouldn’t, too. And now his subconscious knows he has a chance? Dear lord, he’s screwed.

“Well, good. I actually got the impression from Charlie that you were queer too?” Castiel asks.

“Hm? Oh, yeah, uh. Bi, I guess,” he mumbles. He’s never really gotten the Kinsey scale, sexuality spectrum thing. He used to fuck whomever wanted to fuck him and now he’s dating a guy, so. That’s that.

He’s dating a guy. He has a _boyfriend_. And Dean is having these thoughts about another man. What the fuck is he going to do?

He has to talk to Charlie. 

 

\----

 

Dean finds Charlie in the Theater Annex the next week, sitting next to Castiel. Charlie is, if possible, even more charismatic than Dean, but he gets the feeling that they’re sitting in awkward silence in between every audition.

“Hey guys,” Dean walks down the audience hall to where they’re sitting in front of the stage.

They greet him back.

“Do you guys have a break at some point or something? I’d really like to talk to ya, Charlie,” he shifts from foot to foot. Cas shoots him a quizzical look. Charlie pretty much springs up from her chair, knocking over her empty Starbucks cup.

“Sure, Novak you can handle this for a few minutes, right?” 

Cas nods and Charlie pulls Dean with her into the hallway.

They go outside, hiding behind the building after having smuggled cigarettes from Dean’s car. They’re not smokers but sometimes they like to feel like rebellious teens.

“So, uh…” Dean exhales smoke. Charlie does the same, looking expectantly at him.

“I-uh. Fuck!” He hides his face in his hands. They already smell like tobacco.

Charlie pulls on his hand and he lets go to look at her, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just,” he sits down on the bench overlooking the empty soccer field. It’s raining lightly.  
“I guess I kind of… Am into Cas.”

Charlie sits down next to him. She takes a pull on her cigarette. After a moment’s silence she says, “Dean, you have a boyfriend.”

“I know. Fuck, I know. It’s just… That relationship is not… It’s not good, all right?” He glances at her. He’s only ever tried to say something to someone once before. It had ben Charlie then, too, and Benny, and Dean had been on quite a bit of pain medication but he still hadn’t been able to go through with it.

“You’ve said this before,” she mumbles, “But you’ve been with him for well over two years.”

Dean can feel his pulse quicken. He doesn’t know if it’s exhilaration at being about to say something or if it’s anxiety. He chews his lip. “Yeah. I can’t leave. Charlie, I don’t know what to do.”

Charlie sighs, “Dean, you’re gonna have to be careful you don’t do something you’ll regret now. Michael loves you very much and he’s always been there for you. Are you sure it’s not just the excitement of meeting someone knew, who’s attractive and seemingly into you?”

It’s definitely anxiety, Dean thinks. He can’t say it, but he tries, “It’s not… we’re- Michael, he… It’s not going so well.”

“Then break up with him, if you really don’t think you two are working,” Charlie seems a little frustrated. She doesn’t get it. But Dean can’t expect her to, not when he can’t fucking say it.

“I can’t, Charlie, that’s the thing. I fucking _can’t_!” he throws his cigarette in a puddle of rain.

Charlie follows suit and then she stands up, dusting off the back of her jeans, “It seems like you have a lot of thinking to do. And Dean, I’ll be supportive, you know, but don’t be a dick, okay? And don’t do something you’ll regret.”

She leaves. Dean drives home.


	2. After School Activities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets to know Castiel a little better. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a lil short one, this one.

Dean tries to distance himself from Castiel a little, so he keeps himself buried in grading and lesson plans during lunch and trying to look busy whenever Cas stops by in between classes. Once he even faked being on the phone.

It’s making him miserable and guilty as hell, because Castiel is nice and helpful and the biggest geek ever, and Dean _wants_ to be around him, dammit!

Besides the distancing is working fuck-all when the fucker keeps visiting him in between classes and just _waits_ until Dean is done pretending to be busy, wanting to discuss books and plays. And Krissy isn't helping either because she keeps telling him that Dean isn’t busy.

Dean can also swear he gets fucking cuter every single day.

“My sister took my to see Wicked the last time I visited her. She lives in London,” Cas says. He’s leafing through a book Dean got published under a false name when he was in college.

Dean hums in reply. He’s staring at Cas’ hands – he knows he is. Cas probably knows too.

“Who is this? Kripke? I’ve never heard of him before,” Cas settles on a pages, eyes skimming the poem there, “It’s beautiful.”

Dean looks at him for a moment, then gets up and walks towards him, “Did you ever dream of becoming a writer? You know, a published one? When you were in college or something?” He takes out another book that has ‘Kripke’ written on the cover. Maybe he should start writing again. 

“Sure. I think all English majors do at one point or another. I do have a few published articles, though they’re all academic,” he skims over another poem.

“Wow, that’s… Really impressive, Cas,” he looks down at the dark-haired man who’s sitting on his desk. He keeps leafing through the book, “Hey, you can have that book if you want it. I’ve got another copy.”

Castiel looks up at Dean, “I couldn’t possibly accept that.” 

“No, seriously, I have like three copies at home,” he puts the other book back.

Something seems to dawn on Cas and his mouth opens in disbelief, “Wait, are _you_ Kripke?”

Dean shrugs. Cas keeps gaping at him.

 

\----

 

Dean has just put dinner in the oven when his phone starts ringing. It’s not a number he recognizes but he answers it anyway.

“Hello, Dean. It’s Castiel. I’m sorry to be calling you, but I got your number from the teacher’s contact book that Crowley gave me. I seem to be having car trouble, and I so hate to bother you, but…” he hesitates. 

He sets the timer then “Hey, I’ll come and pick you up, don’t worry about it. I might just take a look at your car too, I used to be a mechanic, you know.”

Cas sighs into the phone, making Dean’s ear ache slightly, “No, Dean, I feel bad asking you to pick me up already.”

Dean tells him to shut up and hangs up, “Hey Michael, I have to go help out a coworker. I probably won’t be long but if the timer rings will you check on dinner?”

“What, your coworkers are more important than your boyfriend now?” he asks. He levels Dean with a look.

“I’m sorry, okay? I’ll hurry.”

Michael doesn’t say anything and Dean is filled with guilt as he gets into his car.

Castiel seems to notice Dean’s mood the minute he gets out of the car, “Are you okay? I hope I didn’t impose.”

“No, it’s fine, I just… uh. Shit,” he mutters the last part. He hopes Michael isn’t too pissed off. 

“What’s wrong?” Cas places his hand on Dean’s shoulder and though he hits a bruise in the process the touch is surprisingly comforting. 

Dean sighs, “I’m having some problems. It’s not a big deal or anything,” he stops there. He’s so scared that if he says a little he won’t be able to stop himself. He can’t count the times he’s been silent long enough for it to be awkward while talking to his close friends or Sam.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Castiel asks. His hand travels from his shoulder to his upper back. He’s close enough for Dean to smell the remnants of his cologne and workday. It’s dizzying.

“I really, really don’t.”

They’re silent for a few minutes, Cas’ arm drawing tiny circles on Dean’s back. It affectionate and comforting enough, apparently, that Dean lets his guard down and he doesn’t even think as he turns to Cas, eyes flicking up to see the glimmering blue in the dimness of the November night. 

He’s so used to be controlled by a metaphorical iron cage that Michael has put him in but it loosen momentarily and Dean feels like warm liquid as he presses his lips to the other man’s.

Castiel leans an inch back in surprise, a silent gasp on his lips. He looks into Dean’s eyes and Dean can barely breathe as he takes in the blue of his eyes. Then Cas’ hands grip Dean’s waist as he pulls him to him, crushing his lips against Dean’s.

Dean moans in surprise and pleasure, hands coming up to cup Castiel’s face.

“Fuck,” Dean breathes when they part again, still mere inches apart.

“Is this okay?” Castiel asks and Dean meets his eyes before looking at his parted pink lips. 

“Oh hell yeah.”

It’s enough of an invitation for Cas to slam Dean against the Impala, though not hard enough to cause any damage to either, and it gets pretty fucking heated pretty fucking fast. 

It’s enough to make Dean’s head spin in a way it hasn’t since he met Michael five years ago.

Dean’s hands are under Cas’ stupid sweater vest, fingers stroking the smooth skin he finds there, but it isn’t till Cas’ hands start travelling south under the hemline of Dean’s pants that Dean opens the car door and let Cas push him into the back seat, the dark-haired man coming to hover above him.

He’d told Michael that there was a ‘no sex in the car’-rule but that was way out the window. Not like Dean was the one to make rules when it came to Michael and especially not Michael and sex, but he’d tried. Even though it’s desperate and rushed Dean actually feels like he’s being seen by Cas.

There are hands everywhere and Dean thinks he might have accidentally ripped Cas’ shirt a little bit but it’s so good. It’s so _passionate_.

He’s lucky there’s still a tiny bottle of lube and condoms in the glove department, but Dean had been a slutty teen and young adult, and old habits die hard. 

He’s wearing his jeans and boxer briefs on one leg and his T-shirt is pushed into his armpits in Cas’ frantic search for his nipples. There’s a stroke of fingers over the pentagram on his left pec.

Castiel’s pants and underwear are around his knees and their cocks brush together in an agonizingly teasing manner as Cas rubs a finger against Dean’s entrance. 

Dean is being loud for the first time in a long time – Michael always told him to shut up and he never really did things that’d make Dean scream anymore anyway, not with pleasure at least – and Cas seems really into it, as he growls filthy things about wanting to fuck him till he’s hoarse, and bites his neck.

There are three fingers in his ass and Dean could _cry_ with how fucking desperate he is, so he pushes against Cas’ back with his heels, hoping he understands.

He says it anyway, “Cas, you gotta fuck me, I need your fucking cock in me!” it’s more of a rasp than it’s his voice that sounds in the confinements of the car.

Despite one door being open the windows are fogged up in the cold November night and Dean leaves a handprint on the window as he scrambles for leverage when Cas pushes into him. He does so slowly and Dean feels the stretch all the way. 

He breathes heavily against Cas’ shoulder for a minute and then Cas pulls back to look at him. Dean gives a tiny nod and the other man starts fucking into him for real. 

It doesn’t take long for both men to be close to the edge and Cas groans in frustration when he can’t hold it back anymore and he slams forcefully into Dean. It’s the best thing Dean’s ever felt or heard or… anything, it’s just fucking amazing and Dean sees stars at the same time as Cas as they come simultaneously. 

Castiel collapses on top of Dean, semen smearing on Dean’s stomach and Cas’ sweater vest. It’d probably only serve to make it look better, really.

“Oh my god, that was fucking amazing” Dean breathes with a smile into Cas’ tousled hair. He nods, a smile stroking against Dean's shoulder, hair tickling Dean’s face.

Castiel gets off Dean after a few minutes of letting their breathing slow down. He stands down onto the ground, through the door they never closed. He pulls his pants up. Dean scoots out too and does the same.

“So, I didn’t give you ride but I’ll still take you home,” Dean smirks. He’s feeling positively blissed-the-fuck-out in a way he hasn’t in _years_.

Castiel rolls his eyes but huffs a laugh, “Maybe you can give me one next time,” he says devilishly and Dean grins.

Following Cas’ directions Dean arrives in front of a one-story house with a cute flower garden and what looks like a greenhouse out back. 

“You need a ride to school tomorrow?” Dean asks when he pulls to a stop.

“If it’s not too much trouble,” Cas looks earnestly at Dean.

“’Course not. I’ll bring my tool box so I can take a look at your car after school, all right?”

Cas smiles, “You don’t have to, Dean.”

Dean shrugs, “It’s really not an issue. Besides you just gave me the hottest sex since college so I’m feeling very inclined to help you out.” He chuckles.

Castiel blushes and smiles down at his lap, “It was pretty hot, wasn’t it?”

Dean grins, but then his phone starts ringing and he doesn’t have to check to know it’s Michael, “I gotta go, but I’ll see you tomorrow. Is 7.30 okay?”

“Of course,” Cas assures him and he presses a kiss to Dean’s lips before exiting the car. Dean wants to watch as he walks up the path and gets into his house but he has to get home. He knows he has hell to pay now. Somehow he can’t get himself to regret it.

 

\----

 

Dean has been under the hood of Cas’ car for an hour when Krissy collects the papers she’s been grading, “Mr. Winchester, is it alright if I go home? I think it’s about to rain and I don’t have a ride.”

He looks up at her. She’d been sitting sideways in the Impala’s backseat - the one he'd been fucked into just last night, the door open and papers in her lap as she didn’t want to hang out in Dean’s classroom alone. Dean had secretly pumped his fist behind her back; she really thought he was cool!

“Yeah, of course. Hey, go ask Claire for a ride, she must be finishing up detention in the theater annex.”

Krissy huffs, “Mhmm, you want me to give your boyfriend a message?”

Dean bangs his head on the hood of Cas’ car, “Ow, shit! Don’t tell anyone I said that. Anyway, what boyfriend?” 

“Christ, don’t have a hissy fit, old man. I meant Mr. Novak.”

He clears his throat, shuffles slightly in place. Decides to keep his head under the hood to hide his blush, “Not my boyfriend,” he mumbles.

“Whatever. Laters.”

 

She comes back out of the theater annex with Claire, Charlie and Castiel in tow. The teens head straight for Claire’s car and Charlie makes the Vulcan salute from across the lot and walks to her Beetle. Hideously yellow Beetle.

“Hello Dean,” Cas smiles.

Dean wipes his hands on a rag he’d found in the Impala’s trunk, “Hiya Cas. Perfect timing, I’m all done.”

“I really can’t thank you enough,” Cas smiles and looms well into Dean’s personal space. Dean fists his hands in Cas’ sweater where it’s available through the open trench coat. He sees the two last cars leave.

“Don’t worry about it,” he mumbles, eyes on Cas’ lips. He pushes his own against them.

And today they end up in the backseat of Cas’ car and Dean is grateful that the only light is the faint pay-off from the soccer-field lights because his hips are so purple they’re almost black. 

He makes sure to keep his shirt fully on this time for fear of revealing even worse marks. Castiel doesn’t seem to notice and he bends Dean over the side of the backseat and fucks him with both feet on the ground, bare ass out in the cold of November.

It’s only 6 when Dean gets home and he’s gotta give himself credit for his time management. Michael isn’t even mad.

Still the warmth and butterflies in his stomach that Cas had procured are replaced with knots and flutters of anxiety the minute he walks in.


	3. Holiday Sneer

“So what are you doing after school?” Dean is staring at his lips, mere inches from his own.

“You, hopefully,” there’s a smirk there.

It’s their free period and they’re in Castiel’s classroom, Cas leaning against his desk and Dean leaning well into his personal space, one hand on his hip, the other stroking a nipple through Cas’ button-down.

He grins, eyes flicking up to Cas’ hooded ones, “Yeah, hopefully.”

Castiel grins too and spreads his legs slightly, an invitation.

Dean’s hand comes up to cup Cas’ jaw but it stops midway when someone clears their throat behind them and Dean springs away from Cas and flips to see who has caught them.

Krissy is standing there, hips cocked and eyebrow raised, “Do you need me this period?”

Dean scrubs a hand over his face. He’s fucked if she saw. “Nah, just go.”

“Alrighty,” she turns around and the two men just have time to let go of held breaths when she mutters, “Wear a rubber,” as she leaves.

“Fuck!” Dean hides his face in his hands, “How much do you think she saw?”

He catches Cas’ shrug out of the corner of his eyes as the dark-haired man leaves his side to go to the door. He closes it and there’s the telltale click of the lock turning.

“She just saw your back, and that we were standing close. It’s enough to make assumptions, I’m certain,” he sits on his desk and grabs Dean’s bicep, making him let go of his face finally.

“Don’t worry so much, Dean,” he pulls him back in between his thighs, “Do you want me to make you forget?” he quirks an eyebrow and Dean can’t help but laugh.

He bumps his forehead on Cas’ shoulder, “You’re fucking great, you know that?”

Castiel lifts Dean’s face and smiles at him, “I know,” he presses his lips to Dean’s, “You are too.”

Dean was supposed to grade papers during his free period but somehow he ends up sucking dick instead.

He can’t keep the smile off his face for the next period as he can still taste cum at the back of his throat and feel where Cas’ pulled on his hair when he came. His knees are still sore too.

The doors to both classrooms are left open during that class and Dean keeps catching Cas, blushing furiously whenever he winks at him. 

He also blushes furiously whenever Krissy lifts an eyebrow at him, and at this point he’s surprised his head hasn’t exploded.

 

\----

 

It’s good for weeks, their after school activities stretching into December and Dean has been dreading the day for weeks, but then it’s the last day of school before it lets out for Christmas.

“Are you staying after school?” Castiel asks Dean over lunch.

“Hm?” he looks up from Becky’s paper on Of Arms and Men, “Oh! Yeah, I think so.”

“Okay, will you wait for me? I’d like to talk to you,” Cas says. Dean can’t help the tiny smirk that flits over his features. ‘Talk’, yeah right. 

“Sure thing.”

“Okay, cryptic,” Charlie squints playfully at them, “Anyway! What are you guys all doing for Christmas? You wanna come to New Year’s at mine?”

“We’re gonna visit Andrea’s parents this year. She has the biggest family, I tell ya,” Benny holds his hands up, indicating something large in size.

“My family is coming to my house, it turns out,” Castiel says.

Dean’s eyebrow knits together, “I thought you weren’t all that close?”

“Oh, it’s not on my invitation! We haven’t celebrated Christmas together in 6 years, but I think my brother sent out an invitation. I got an email from my mother telling me to pick them up at the airport tomorrow morning.”

They all burst out laughing, “Well, that’s… different. I’m gonna hook up with some friends from college in New York City and then we’re hitting the town," Charlie says.

“Ah, true Christmas spirit,” Dean sighs dramatically. He keeps his Christmas plans to himself. The holidays are always the worst because Michael gets extra stressed from work and family. 

Sam and Jess had invited them down but Michael had said that no, they were going to visit his family. Again. Surprise. Dean had felt really fucking shitty trying to explain that to Sam. They hadn’t seen each other in _months_.

Michael’s family is nice though. Great, actually. They like Dean and make him feel welcome, and even though they think he’s kind of hysterical they’ve undoubtedly accepted him into the family. Granted, he has been part of it for two years, and three years on and off before that. 

But he wants to eat Ellen’s roast and pick on Jo and be picked on by Bobby. He wants to listen to whatever nerd show Sam has gotten attached to now and he wants to get drunk before anyone else with Jess. He wants to go home.

“Hello! Earth to Dean,” Charlie giggles, waving her hand in front of his face.

He blinks, “Yeah, sorry. What’s up?”

“You going to Wyoming again this year?” 

“Yeah. Uh, I left something in my classroom so I’m gonna go. See ya later, guys,” his chair scrapes against the floor as he gets up, and he ruffles the papers together into something resembling a stack.

He’s hurrying down the hallway when he hears Charlie behind him, “Hey, wait up!”

Dean slows down.

“You going to be here for New Year’s?” she looks up at him.

“I’m sorry, Michael's work is throwing a party,” he sighs. 

Charlie rolls her eyes playfully, “Blow it off, come party with your friends. I mean, yeah, you’ll miss out on a kiss at midnight, but you get to kiss that handsome face every other day of the year.”

Dean feels caged in and he knows a headache is coming, “I can’t.”

“Come on, Dean! You’re always doing things with Michael and his friends. I’ve only met him like three times or something,” she insists.

“I’m sorry, okay? There’s nothing I can do,” he speeds up a little again. He can see Charlie’s computer lab up ahead and knows he’ll get rid of her when they reach it.

“Seriously, you can blow off your boyfriend to see your friends sometimes, you know. I hardly ever see you outside of work!” she pulls on his sleeve to get him to slow down and Dean stops and turns to her.

“Listen, my hands are tied, Charlie! It’s what Michael wants to do, so it’s what we’re going to do, okay?!” some students turn around to look at them and Dean tries not to let his assertiveness falter. There’s not much he can do against Charlie’s begging. It’s hard to make her understand that he fucking _wants_ to blow Michael off – for good, and see his friends, especially when there’s so much he can’t tell her.

Her face falls and Dean slouches, rubbing a hand over his face, “I’m sorry. Next time, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll hold you to that, though,” she smiles weakly and points at him, her fingers simulating a pistol. He grins and nods. They arrive at her classroom.

 

\----

 

“Would you like to come by? Just for coffee or something… Since I suppose I won’t be seeing you until the new year?” Castiel looks honest-to-god _shy_ and he shifts from foot to foot, eyes on the handle of his car door.

Dean would kiss him if the parking lot wasn’t full of theater geeks – Charlie included.

“I’d love to,” he grins and Cas positively beams at him.

He follows Cas in his car to the familiar house.

They have coffee in the tiny sunroom that overlooks Cas’ surprisingly spacey back yard. It’s winter so they’re empty but Dean can see several flowerbeds and he imagines the garden to be downright magical when it’s in season.

“You’re going to Wyoming?” Cas asks over the rim of his cup, and Dean finally looks away from the garden. There’s greenhouse full of vegetables.

“Huh? Yeah, uh, it’s… There’s some family,” he stumbles out. Castiel nods his understanding.

“Will you be back for New Year’s at Charlie’s?” he asks openly.

“I’ll be back but I can’t go to her party. But I should be back by the 28th, if you want to see me?” he asks. He can’t believe how easy it is with Cas. He’s been steady with Michael for over two years and it’s never been this easy. The beginning was all games and ruined self-esteem. He supposes it still is, really. 

“I’d very much like to,” Cas smiles warmly. Dean has to pulls him towards him to press kisses to his face.

Castiel puts his cup down without looking and it tips over to stain the table cloth with the last few drops of coffee. They don’t even notice. Cas pulls on Dean then and he gets up to straddle Cas.

It’s not sweet kisses anymore, it’s passionate and it’s tongues exploring and it’s hands playing with zippers and hemlines.

Dean unbuttons Cas’ shirt while Cas messes up his hair. Then Cas pulls Dean’s shirt over his head, fingers fiddling the tattooed pine trees covering his shoulder. 

There’s so much eye contact when Castiel stands up for a minute to shed his pants and Dean thinks he forgets to breathe for the duration of it, but Cas pulls Dean pants down too and he has the mind to step out of them.

Dean grinds against Cas, while Cas begins to finger him and he moans into his mouth. 

He can feel the late afternoon winter sun on his back through the windows and it makes Cas’ eyes positively shimmer and his hair glow with dark undertones. 

Castiel finally gets his ride and Dean gets home way too late.

 

\----

 

It’s a good thing school has let out because Dean would’ve had to call in sick otherwise. He also needs to pick up crutches from the hospital on their way to the airport, as his ankle is re-sprained. He thinks it might actually be broken this time.

He’d long ago stopped trying to argue that they should drive to Michael’s parents, since it was only a five-hour drive. Michael didn’t really give a fuck about Dean’s phobia of flying though.

Dean is helping Michael’s mother out with the pies while Michael naps in the living room and he briefly wonders what would happen if he told her those things about his son. 

He can’t, though. He wouldn’t. Not when she’s so proud of her son.

The holidays are alright though. Michael seems happy to be around his family and when he pulls Dean to him to kiss him under the mistletoe in front of them it doesn’t even hurt.

He keeps a steady stream of texts of conversation with Cas though, and he knows it’s risky because Michael reads his texts sometimes and he check his phone bill too, but he tries not to worry about it.

It’s worse at night though, and when they’re not around his family, because Michael _is_ stressed and Dean knows he’s always on edge when he has to be around his family for an extended amount of time. He takes it out on Dean in the darkness of the night and behind closed doors.

Bobby calls one evening but they don’t get more than a few minutes before Michael bites, “hang up your damn phone and come _here_ , what the fuck is wrong with you?” And Dean knows Bobby is worried but he doesn’t have time to tell him not to be before Michael is taking his phone and throwing it at the wall. 

He feels bad enough to buy Dean the newest shiniest iPhone in whatever color he wants a few days later, despite the expensive and too-shiny watch he’d given him on Christmas morning.

New Year’s is spent in an uncomfortable suit and uncomfortable company as it’s been made clear several times that Michael’s doctor coworkers don’t exactly find Dean’s position as a high school teacher impressive. He hangs out with the other wives, eating pigs in blankets and drinking cheap champagne until Michael tells him to _stop_ , and control himself, goddammit, fingers digging into his arm hard enough to leave five bruises.

 

\----

 

He finally gets to see Cas on the 5th, two days before school starts up again, and he feels like he’s run a marathon and that he has finally crossed the finish line when he enters Castiel’s house.

“Hey, Cas. Happy New Year’s,” he smiles against the dark-haired man’s lips. He looks adorable in a knit sweater and loose jeans and Dean thinks it’s the most casual outfit he’s ever seen on Cas.

“Happy New Year’s. Did you have a good one?” he pulls Dean into the living room where a tree is shredding needles onto the floor. 

“Meh,” Dean shrugs, “How did Christmas go?”

Castiel rolls his eyes, “I think one of my brothers has ADD and the other one is a sex addict. And I think my sister is a megalomaniac.” He chuckles as he says it.

“Well, I s’pose you’re mellow enough for all of them,” he sits on the couch, grabbing a ginger snap cookie from the plate of the coffee table.

“I don’t know about that. They all agree I’m enough of a neat freak for whole family. How was Sam and Jess?” Castiel sits down next to Dean, turning his body towards him.

Dean feels something expand in his chest at Castiel remembering their names. He feels his throat constrict in having to lie though – or at least not be truthful, “They weren’t there.”

“Oh. Were they with Jess’ family or something?”

Dean mumbles a confirmation. He never did call Bobby back. What would he tell him if he did anyway?

They talk and laugh all afternoon and Dean doesn’t even notice the self-restraint and self-consciousness seeping out of system. 

He doesn’t notice how he and Cas seem to gravitate closer to each other but he can’t complain. He knows he shouldn’t be doing this. Not just because it’s wrong but because it’s dangerous, but Dean can’t stop, he’s addicted to Castiel and the way Castiel makes him feel. 

Sometimes he thinks that the only break he has is the time he spends with his students and friends, but truth is that he doesn’t even catch a break then. He’s lulled into a false security, wrapping himself in the blanket of comfort he feels around his friends, but it’s full of holes. 

He’s riding Cas in his bed when his phone starts ringing from the floor. Dean ignores it, groans louder against Cas’ neck. 

It keeps ringing. 

“You want to answer it?” Cas asks, panting. Dean runs his hand through Cas’ dark curls, sweat glistening in his hairline, “nah.”

They finish half an hour later and lie panting next to each other on the bed.

Dean smiles and turns to snuggle into Cas’ side. He’s allowed to, with Cas. But he doesn’t think he’s allowed to revel at the fact, you know by the universe. Cas wraps his arm around Dean’s shoulders.

“Can you believe we did it an actual bed today? I mean I thought the charm of the whole thing was that we were having quickies in unorthodox places,” he grins against Cas’ jaw.

The other man chuckles and Dean feels the rumble under him, “We’re getting snow now, it’s too cold to be half outside. Besides I believe that when two people have been sleeping together for two months they’re entitled to some perks. Like a bed.”

“Does this mean there’ll be no more blowies during free period?” Dean asks mock-solemnly. When Cas breaks into a laugh Dean does too.

His phone starts ringing again and he feels constricted. He can’t even breathe for a moment, but finally sighs, “I’ve gotta go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Show of hands, who's surprised I'm writing this instead of my 20 page exam?


	4. Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wants to end things with Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: for violence and non-con.

January passes in much the same manner as December. Charlie brings pie to school on Dean’s birthday and Benny wears a party hat. Castiel gives him a book that’s the plot of Star Wars written in Shakespearean and Charlie almost steals it. 

There’s a card accompanying the book. One he hides from Charlie and Benny, but leaves in the book when he gets home and Michael finds it. He gets a fancy birthday dinner at a restaurant, but he thinks he might never walk normally again at this point. His ankle has been swollen since October.

The day after he can’t sit down without wincing and he avoids Cas like the plague.

In the middle of February Dean forgets about grading and lesson plans for a whole day as he sweats over one tiny little piece of colored paper.

It’s too much and it’s not even a real holiday, and also they’re just _fucking_. Why the fuck had he bought a card? And what is he going to write?? He should just throw it out.

“Didn’t you write poetry in college?” Krissy asks around a giant piece of bubblegum. 

Dean’s head snaps up to where she’s sitting on a student desk. 

“Why? And why are you still here, it’s not like you’re doing anything.”

She gets off the desk and walks over to stand in front of Dean’s desk, which he is sitting behind.

“Because I think it’s hilarious to watch you sweat over trying to write a card for your _boyfriend_.”

Dean stares at the blank card, refusing to blush, “Not my boyfriend.”

“Hilarious nonetheless. But whatever, I gotta go. I still think you should write him poetry though.” She’s laughing as she exits his classroom and Dean glares after her.

But he’s inspired. He hasn’t written anything in forever, not since Michael said it was ‘adorable’ how he thought he was a writer.

He scratches down a verse and finishes with “- D” before slipping the card into its envelope. Before he leaves he puts it in Cas’ pigeonhole for the other man to find it the next day.

\----

Charlie finds it first, it turns out, as she’s putting Hershey kisses in all the teachers’ pigeonholes. 

Dean doesn’t find out until his free period where Charlie texts Dean to come to her computer lab.

“Hey Charlie, what’s-“ Dean greets but Charlie holds up the card to interrupt him.

“What’s this?”

He scratches the back of his neck, “Uh, a card?”

“Why are you writing poetry for Castiel?” she glares at him.

Dean sighs. He opens his mouth to say something but his thoughts never really line up with anything sensical for him to say.

“I got that you had some sort of crush on him in the beginning, but, Dean, I thought you’d sorted yourself out. And I thought you’d become friends?” she throws the card on her desk.

“We _are_ friends… It’s just… We’re…,” he sighs again. He’s so fucked.

“You don’t mean to fucking tell me you’re screwing around with Castiel behind Michael’s back, do you?” her tone in icy. Dean’s core is too.

He swallows, “Charlie, it’s a little more complicated-“

“No, it’s not. It’s not fucking complicated, you’re cheating on your boyfriend!” she sweeps the card to the floor. Charlie was cheated on by the choir teacher, Dorothy, last year and Dean saw her go through heartbreak and somewhat of a confidence-break for months. He gets where she’s coming from. But he doesn’t know how to tell her how different this is.

“Does Castiel even know about Michael?” she sighs and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

“No,” Dean mumbles.

Charlie’s arms unfold to rest at her sides, fists clenched, “You better fucking tell him. And Michael. Get your goddamn shit together, Dean.”

He looks at Charlie in silence. He can feel his pulse picking up. Waves of nausea terrorize his stomach. He just nods and leaves before she can start yelling at him.

 

He supports himself with a hand against the wall as he leaves Charlie’s room, and he can feel air escaping him. He almost feels like he can’t see anything and the only things he knows is that he has to get back to his classroom. Dean gets halfway before he’s too afraid he might pass out so he takes refuge in a restroom, locking himself in one of the stalls. He hits his chest twice, trying to get it to relax and let him breathe, and ultimately ends up resting his head in between his knees as he sits on the lidded toilet. 

He’s not sure how long he’s in there but his breathing finally returns to normal and his vision clears. He knows it’s visible that he’s been crying and he can hear students in the restroom so he stays put. When the bell rings signaling the beginning of the next class he waits a good 10 minutes before hesitantly exiting the restroom. 

Scrubbing water on his face and drying it with a paper towel he decides to ignore the paleness and dark circles under his eyes, like he always does. He hopes his students won’t know.

Castiel is standing in front of the class talking quietly with Krissy when Dean gets back to his classroom. This class’ students are bent over papers, scribbling away.

“Mr. Winchester!” Krissy outbursts when she sees him.

“Dean!” Castiel smiles, but it quickly fades when he gets a look of Dean. He walks over to Dean where he’s standing in the doorway and nudges him outside. He sends a look to Krissy that she seems to understand, and then he closes the door behind them.

He looks up at Dean, eyebrows knitted together in concern, “What’s wrong? You look really ill.”

Dean takes a deep breath, “Listen, have you talked to Charlie?”

Castiel looks confused at the relevance, “No. Dean, should I ask Crowley to find a sub for the rest of the day? You really look like you need go home.”

“I’m fine. It was just a little nausea. I’m fine now,” Dean waves him off.

“If you say so,” Castiel looks as concerned as ever, “I’ll go back to my class.”

“Please do. Cas, I’ll be fine.”

“Come find me after school?” Cas asks, hand already on the doorknob to his classroom.

Dean tries for a smile but it’s probably more of a grimace, “Sure thing.”

Dean doesn’t. He hurries the fuck home. Completely forgets he’s not actually supposed to be done with ‘basketball coaching’ until 5 or 6, so Michael isn’t happy.

 

\----

 

He stays the next day though, and the day after. He has another two weeks of bliss with Castiel and angry silence from Charlie.

It’s a Thursday afternoon and Dean has finished grading papers and sent Krissy home. He’s waiting for Castiel in the parking lot, smoking ultra light cigarettes and listening to Metallica from his car.

Theater enthusiastic students mill out and Dean stubs the cigarette, grinning in anticipation. Charlie walks by 15 minutes later, a glare in Dean’s direction.

It’s 5 minutes after that that Cas storms out of the building, headed straight for his car. 

“Hey, Cas!” Dean holds up his arm to signal to him and jogs up to him, where he’s unlocking his car.

The dark-haired man turns around and Dean has to take a step back at the look in his eyes. They’re flashing with anger, “What do you want?”

“Uh,” Dean mumbles, “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? What’s _wrong_?! Hm, let’s see. Could it be that the man I’ve been sleeping with for the past three months – and whom I thought maybe was more than just fucking – has a _boyfriend_ and didn’t even tell me? That I had to hear that I was just a dirty little secret of an affair from another coworker? Hm?” Castiel spits.

Dean feels his stomach drop. Charlie must’ve lost patience.

“Cas, it’s… It’s more complicated than that, okay? I’m sorry,” he’s interrupted.

“Frankly, Dean, I don’t give a fuck. I have no need to listen to anything you have to say.” He turns around and gets into his car. He drives off without another look at Dean.

Dean sits down in his own car and lights another cigarette. He can’t think. He doesn’t know what to do now.

He doesn’t remember driving home but he must have and when Michael smells the cigarettes on his clothes he kind of wishes he could zone out more.

 

\----

 

He doesn’t talk to any of his friends for a week and once he figures the lunch break- and free period-anxiety attacks are going to be a habit, he excuses Krissy during those times to lock himself in his classroom.

On Friday she hesitates in the doorway and then walks back inside. She sits down on a student desk. 

Dean looks up at her expectantly.

“Did you break up with Mr. Novak or something?”

Dean clicks with his tongue, “I was never dating Novak, Krissy, I’ve told you this repeatedly.”

She crosses her legs, “Well, you’re not talking to each other anymore.”

“I guess we got busy with our own things. Don’t worry about it. Focus on your studies, okay?” he looks down at the filled-out worksheet under his elbows.

Krissy doesn’t say anything for a while. Dean looks back up at her.

“Did you know that it’s domestic violence awareness month?” she says off-handedly.

Dean swallows, “Why are you telling me this?”

She shrugs, “Just thought you’d want to know.”

He presses his hand against a sore bruise on his side unconsciously. 

“Alright, thanks for telling me, I guess. Now get out of here,” he lifts a corner of his mouth in something akin to a smile. 

She makes a peace sign, “See ya later.”

He looks down at the paper in front of him. She couldn’t possible know, could she? Yeah, he’d gone to school with almost-but-not-quite faded black eyes, and he’d been limping since October, and she’d heard him on the phone with Michael several times but… Nah, there was no way she knew.

He rests his head in his arms. A few minutes later someone clears their throat in the doorway and he looks up to see Castiel standing there. His features are masked into an expression of apathy.

“Hey,” Dean says meekly and gestures for him to come in.

Castiel leans against a student table.

“Dean, I- I’ve been wanting to talk to you. I’ve been thinking quite a bit,” their eyes meet. Dean doesn’t say anything, just gestures for him to go on.

“I can’t say I’m not disappointed… Hurt… that you didn’t tell me that you were already in a relationship. But something must have inclined you to start things with me in spite of that. Is it safe for me to assume you harbor feelings for me?” Castiel looks at Dean.

“Yeah, I do. Cas, I really… It’s… It wasn’t about cheating, okay? It’s compli-“ Castiel holds a hand up to stop Dean.

“Yes, you’ve said it already,” he dismisses Dean, then goes on, “what I can’t figure out is why you would go behind your boyfriend’s back. Do you want me or do you want him? Because if you tell him and if you break things off with him, then I do want you, Dean.”

Dean sighs and ignores the shakiness of his breath. He doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know how to tell him that if he could, he would have left Michael years ago. How it’s not even about choosing.

“I- I want _you_ , Cas. Of course, it’s you, it has been since I met you. It’s just- fuck.” He scrubs his hands over his face.

“Then tell him, Dean, okay?” Castiel says. His expression softens.

Dean doesn’t look at him, he just nods at the table.

 

\----

 

It’s a fucking rough weekend. Dean keeps thinking that maybe he’ll actually bring it up, that maybe he’ll try to leave Michael again, once an for all. Maybe if he tells him that he’s found someone else he’ll finally get it.

Dean knows it’s all just fantasizing.

But then Cas fucks him on his desk in his classroom after school that Monday and maybe it’s the tension-relief or endorphins or maybe it’s just plain stupidity that makes Dean bring it up during dinner that evening.

“Michael, uh… I’ve been thinking,” he says, pushing the leftovers around on his plate.

The other man doesn’t spare him a look, nose buried in the iPad he’s checking emails on, “And?”

Dean takes a deep breath and holds it for a second before releasing it, “I think we should break up.”

There’s silence as Michael scrolls through the rest of his email and then he looks up at Dean, “Hm. And what do you suppose you’d do then? Huh? Where are you going to go?”

Dean doesn’t say anything. Michael is talking too calmly and Dean is instantly regretting saying something.

Michael lets out a huff of laughter, “And who do you think would want you? You’re not going to get any better than me, you already know that,” he gets up and walks around the table to Dean. “Actually you’re lucky _I_ even put up with your bullshit,” he pulls Dean’s head back by his hair, making him look up at him.

“Ungrateful bitch,” he says as he pushes Dean to the floor.

Dean hits his head on the leg of the table before bumping it on the floor and it’s enough to make spots fly in his vision. He hears the crashing of plates as Michael pushes them off the table, onto Dean where they break. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“Get up.”

Dean tries, but he’s too slow and Michael pulls him by his hair, shoving him away from him, “I said get up!”

“You’re fucking useless,” he pushes Dean again, and he feels the wall against his back.

Michael still looks passive like he couldn’t really give a fuck, he’s just playing with Dean. He clamps his hand around Dean’s throat and he can’t breathe. Panic wells up in him, enough for him to completely miss what Michael is saying to him, though he can see his lips moving, feels drops of spit on his face as he yells. There’s one last push against his throat before he blacks out.

That doesn’t mean it’s over, of course, and Dean wakes up in their bed, naked, Michael hovering over him.

“Michael, please don’t,” talking hurts because of his swollen throat. 

Michael punches him in the face, “Shut your whore mouth!”

Dean wishes he were still passed out when Michael pushes into him.

He emails Crowley at 6am to find a sub because he can’t say anything above a raspy whisper.

 

\----

 

When Michael comes home from work late that same afternoon, Dean’s still in bed.

Michael stares at him from the doorway momentarily and Dean barely dares breathe. Then he walks towards their closet and stars shoving Dean’s clothes into a duffle bag. 

Dean can only watch, confused, and then Michael leaves for the bathroom, returning with a bag of Dean’s toiletry items, which he shoves into the duffle bag as well. 

He throws the bag at Dean, who has finally come into a sitting position.

“What are you doing?”

Michael shoves Dean out of bed, “You wanted to break up, Dean. This is my house.”

Dean feels panic well up in him, “Wh-where am I supposed to go?”

“That’s not really my problem, is it?” Michael huffs a laugh.

Dean hesitates long enough for Michael to throw the table lamp in his direction and it crashes against the wall. Dean finally gets a move on.

He gets into the Impala and drives off. There’s no place for him to go and he ends up in Wal-Mart’s parking lot. 

He opens the duffle bag, rustles around for his toiletries bag, from which he procures the pot of concealer he always keeps stocked.

One half of his upper lip is still swollen but it’s not too bad, and even though the concealer is heavy-duty enough to mask the signs of exhaustion, it just blends the black eye into looking like a under eye bag. He fiddles with the rearview mirror, trying to get a look of his neck. There’s purple bruising on both sides and he smears tan cream on it, but realizes he has to wear a scarf anyway.

When he’s satisfied he calls Charlie, who luckily answers on the first ring.

“Hey Dean,” she sounds distant. Dean knows she’s still upset with him.

“Hi Charlie. I’m sorry to call but I didn’t know what else to do,” he thuds his forehead on the steering wheel.

He hears her moving on the other end of the line and there’s a door closing, “What happened?”

He swallows, which is painful, “I-uh… Michael kicked me out.”

“Again?!”

“Yeah…”

“Okay, come over. I’ll pull the couch out.”

He stays with Charlie for the rest of the week and tells her the roughness of his voice is due to a sore throat and stays on her couch while a sub teaches his class. He never comes up with an explanation for why he winces when he sits down or for the swollen lip. She lets it go after the first day though.

On Thursday Castiel comes home with her. Dean’s been texting him so he already knows about Michael kicking him out.

“I’m gonna go to the store, okay?” Charlie just puts her laptop bag on the floor in the hallway, “You need anything, Dean?”

“I’m good, thanks.” He catches the meaningful look she gives him as she gestures with her head to Castiel.

As if he doesn’t know there is a lot of shit to sort out now. The worst thing is that he fucking _knows_ this thing with Michael isn’t over. It has only just begun, really. Dean has tried to leave him before. It’s been a while since he last tried though.

Castiel sits down next to Dean, kissing the side of his mouth briefly, “So Michael didn’t take it so well?”

Dean just shrugs.

“But it’d be unfair to claim he’s overreacting. You’ve been a dick, Dean,” he says it so casually, but he searches Dean’s face with his eyes.

Dean huffs, “I know. And I haven’t even told him about you.”

“What?!” Castiel stands up, “Dean, you have to tell him!”

Dean would stand up to so they’re on the same level but he’s so goddamn tired, “Does it matter? We already broke up.”

“Of course it matters! Being cheated on by a partner can really affect one’s self-esteem. And he’ll find out eventually.”

Cas continues: “Besides I don’t _want_ to be your dirty little secret, and I understand that it’s uncomfortable, but you have to tell him!”

“I can’t!” Dean squeezes his eyes together and raises his voice over Castiel’s.

“Yes, you can! If you can go behind his back then you can tell him too!”

“No, I can’t, okay? That’s not an option!”

“Why not?” Cas lowers his voice to normal volume again so Dean does the same. 

He slumps his shoulders too, “I just can’t.” He’s not sure he’d survive if Michael found out Dean had cheated on him. He’s still not sure he’ll make it out alright from attempting to break up with him.

Castiel’s shoulders slump as well and he shakes his head, not meeting Dean’s eyes, “Then I’m sorry, but you’re not the man I thought you were. And I’m not sure I can be with you.”

Dean gets dizzy with panic but he can’t say anything. His fingers twitch, wanting to reach out when Cas turns around to leave.

When Charlie gets back Dean thanks her and tells her that he has to go back to Michael.

“What? Why? Will he even take you back?”

Dean thinks that it’s not about taking him back, it’s about not letting him leave. But maybe Dean couldn’t leave even if Michael did let him.

So he’s knocking on the door at 2am that night and Michael opens the door and leans against the doorframe, asking what he wants.

“I’m sorry, Michael. I don’t know what I was thinking,” he’s looking at the ground.

Michael huffs a laugh, eyes boring into Dean, “This is so typical of you. You get some crazy power trip and think you can leave and then you come groveling back, not even a week later.”

He opens the door and turns his back to Dean, fully expecting Dean to follow him. He isn’t disappointed.


	5. Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael finds out about Castiel and everybody finds out about Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take a moment to thank everyone for your kudos and especially your comments. They're very inspiring <3

Dean is back at work a week after the attempted break-up, with a lot of silence and the constant limp (he should really see a doctor), and he knows he seems shady as fuck. 

Charlie and Benny shoot him worried looks and ask if he’s okay and Dean almost cries because he wants to fucking tell them.

Castiel is dealing with someone’s detention during lunch break that day so Dean sits awkwardly across from Benny and Charlie. He thinks he should tell them, or someone, this time. 

“Hey guys,” he starts.

They look up at him. 

He clears his throat, “Uh, did you know it’s domestic violence awareness month?” he says it conversationally.

“Yeah, we’re making posters in my Photoshop class,” Charlie tells him. 

Dean nods, “Cool. I didn’t even know it was a thing, you know. That there was an awareness month for it.”

“It’s an important cause,” Charlie says.

“Yeah, a lot of women are suffering in silence because they’re too scared people won’t believe them,” Benny says.

Dean swallows painfully. “Yeah, I get that,” he mumbles. He’s been more or less trapped in it for more than five years. He licks his lips. He doesn’t know if he’s about to _finally_ say something or if he’s about to vomit all over the table, but then Garth curses loudly from a few feet away when he spills coffee on himself and the moment is gone.

 

\----

 

Castiel shows up after school, leaning against one end of Dean’s desk.

“So?” Castiel says expectantly.

Dean looks at him, “So?”

Cas rolls his eyes, “Did you talk to your boyfriend?”

Dean gulps. How is he going to explain this if he’s not allowed to say ‘it’s complicated’? Showing him the injuries would be the easiest way but that’s not even an option.

“I tried, Cas. I-I couldn’t. I can’t.”

Castiel stands up and Dean can see the muscles in his jaw tensing. He looks at Dean for a moment then shakes his head and leaves.

Dean feels like there’s no ground beneath him.

He kind of wishes there wasn’t. He wants to disappear.

He goes to Charlie computer lab, which is the closest he can get to disappearing right now.

“Hey, Dean,” Charlie looks up from her screen. It looks suspiciously like a criminal record. He decides to overlook it.

“Hey.”

“What’s bothering you?” she clicks around a little bit, types something and then looks up at Dean.

He sits down on her desk, observing the papers on it for a while. Charlie keeps staring at him.

“Hello? Dean, what’s wrong?” she gets up and leans next to Dean on the desk.

“Uhm, I went back to Michael, you know,” he starts.

“Yeah, I know. I don’t get it, but I know,” she sounds confused over judgmental.

Dean huffs a bitter laugh, “I don’t get it either.”

Charlie furrows her brows at him, “What do you mean? Do you want to be with him or not?”

He swallows and rests his head back to stare at the ceiling. “I _don’t_ want to be with him. But I don’t know how to get out of this.”

“Shut up, of course you can get out of it. I know you’ve been together for a very long time and you don’t like conflict, but just tell him you’ve found someone else. But don’t go back and forth like this. It’s breaking both Michael’s and Castiel’s hearts, you know,” Charlie says. 

Dean can’t help but wonder what about his heart? He looks at her, “Christ, you think it’s simple.”

She grins and shrugs, “It _is_ simple, Dean. People fall in love every day and people break up every day, and yeah, it’s sad, but life goes on.”

That so wasn’t what he meant, but again. He can’t expect Charlie to get it.

“Charlie, I think I’m going to need, like, a safety net. If I ever manage to leave him,” he looks at the floor, willing her to understand.

“Hey, you can totally crash at my place until you find an apartment. No problem,” she says, still not _getting it_.

He sighs and gives up. “Thanks.”

 

\----

 

It’s a few days of heartbreaking silence from Cas that Dean comes home to find Michael already there.

Dean toes off his shoes and hangs his leather jacket on the rack in the hallway. He runs a hand through his hair, soaked from the pouring rain.

It’s dark in the living room, the lights off and the sky dark grey through the windows. But he can see his silhouette sitting on the couch. Dean squints. Michael shouldn’t be home yet and he certainly shouldn’t be sitting in the dark. Waiting. Dean briefly considers going back out the door.

Michael turns on the lamp next to him, “Hello, Dean.”

“Uh, hey, babe. Why are you sitting in the dark?” he tries to make his voice seem light.

“I got a call today,” Michael gets up from the couch, fingering an antique paperweight he has picked up form the coffee table, “From one of your coworkers.”

Dean takes a step back when Michael saunters over to him, but he passes him by. 

“A Mr. Novak. That ring any bells?” he looks over his shoulder at Dean. Dean's stomach drops.

Dean doesn’t say anything. Michael wanted him to, however, because he turns around with a flash and throws the paperweight at Dean, hitting his shoulder.

“Ow! I’m sorry, Michael, it was a mistake!” he can hear his voice cracking.

Michael walks towards Dean again, a menacing glint in his eye, “Well, I’ll fucking say.”

It’s pretty fucking bad and Dean wakes up at one point later in the night. He’s in their bed, he thinks, and he can only open a sliver of his left eye, the other eye all but sealed shut by swelling. He can feel crusted blood on pretty much the whole lower half of his face. 

Michael is sitting on the side of the bed, his back to Dean and he’s on the phone. Dean thinks it’s for an ambulance. He accidentally moves his leg and it sends pain up shooting through his body, seeming to wake all his nerve-endings and he gasps in pain once, before passing out.

When he wakes up again he’s in the hospital.

\----

 

His tongue is dry and tastes like morphine and he still can’t open his right eye fully. The dried blood is gone but when he tries to open his mouth to say something to the nurse sitting beside his bed doing a word puzzle, pain shoots through his skull. 

The nurse must have caught his wincing because she looks up at gives him a small smile, “Hey, you’re awake!”

She gets up and checks his vitals, while telling him: “I’m Meg. You’ve been here for two days, and you’re supposed to be high on pain meds for at least two more.”

Going around the bed to his other side, she taps on a touch screen next to him, “Your boyfriend said you were in an accident. Dr. Cain called bullshit though and we told him not to come and see you until we called him.”

Dean thinks he should have a billion questions but his mind is hazy and it just feels like he has a lot of half thoughts and that none of them really go together.

“I’m gonna go get the doctor, alright?”

Dean can’t even nod.

 

\----

 

A little later in the day he’s doing better and he’s been pumped full of enough pain medication that he can gesture with his head and speak one-syllable words when the doctor comes to see him.

“You have quite a lot of injuries,” Dr. Cain says. His tone is conversational and Dean isn’t sure why he says that now, anyway, because Meg has already told him about the broken leg, nose and wrist, the bent ribs and the concussion, the cracked jaw and hip. And the bruises and split lip of course.

“Michael claimed you were speeding and hit a tree, yet there’s no mauled car or record of any accidents like that in the past few days,” he’s pacing in Dean’s room, hands folded behind his back. His eyebrows are knitted as he looks down at nothing in particular, as if deep in thought.

He turns to Dean, “Did you know that if you were to tell me that it was Michael who hurt you I’d be legally obligated to report him?”

Dean looks down at his purple fingers that emerge from his cast that's resting in his lap.

There’s a bit of silence before Dr. Cain exhales, “Keep that in mind.”

\----

 

“Dean, have you called any friends or family to let them know you’re in the hospital?” Meg is looking at the clipboard in her hand.

“No.”

“So it’s just your boyfriend who knows?” she glances up at him. He shrugs.

“You should call your family,” she hands him her cellphone, since his is still at Michael’s house, and then she leaves.

He knows Sam’s and Bobby’s numbers by heart, and he could probably ask Meg to find Charlie’s, Benny’s and Cas’.

He knows the school’s been made aware that he’ll be absent for a while. Dr. Cain had told him that. He wonders what they’ve been told.

Finally unlocking the phone instead of just turning it over in his hands, he types in Sam’s number.

“Hello? Sam Winchester,” Sammy says and Dean feels tears prickle behind his lids.

“Hey Sammy. It’s Dean,” he whispers.

“Dean! Hey, I haven’t heard for you in forever, did you change your number?” He can hear Jess asking if it’s him in the background.

“Uh, listen Sam, I’m… I’m in the hospital. I just… thought I should tell you,” he closes his eyes. What the fuck? Why did he even call?

Sam gasps, “What happened?”

Dean gulps. Maybe he could finally say something now. It’s not like it’s the first time he’s in the hospital because of Michael, but it’s the first time doctors are questioning Michael’s explanations.

“It’s just some broken bones and stuff… Or- well, it’s actually kind of bad,” he admits.

“Do you want me to come?” Sam asks in seriousness. Dean wants that more than anything.

“No, you don’t have to do that. I know you’re busy. And I’ll be fine.”

Sam huffs bitterly, “Shut up. I’m gonna look at tickets tonight, okay? I’ll see if I can catch a flight in a few days.”

“Sam, ple-“

“Dean, stop! You’re hurt and you sound pretty fucking bad. I haven’t seen you in months, I’m coming.”

The beginnings of relief flood through him, though there are still so many things he needs to figure out.

He calls Charlie next and when she starts crying, he does too. Neither of them says it, but he thinks that she finally got it.

 

\----

 

He’s sitting in front of Dr. Cain in the doctor's office. Dean’s in a wheelchair, which bothers the fuck out of him. 

“Did your boyfriend do this to you?” the doctor asks, trying to catch Dean’s eye.

Dean licks his lips. He can feel the words in his throat.

“Is he abusive?” Dr. Cain leans back in his chair, “All you have to do is nod.”

Dean figures that he can muster up a nod. After the tiniest nod in the history of nods Dean wants to say something – at least a thanks. But he can’t. Cain nods too.

Meg rolls him back into his room and Charlie is there. Dean feels his shoulders rise with tension. Now he _has_ to talk.

He gets from the chair to the bed with some difficulty but eventual success and Charlie sits down on the side of the bed.

“I’m so sorry, Dean.”

“You didn’t know,” he says. What he wants the least is for her – or anyone else of his friends and family – to feel guilty.

“I had no idea,” there’s a slight pause. Her eyes are shiny with unshed tears, “What are you going to do now?”

Dean shrugs, which is slightly painful, “I’m not sure. Sam is coming in a few days.”

They talk for a while, but then visiting hours end and though Charlie tries to convince Meg to let her stay, first by telling her she’s Dean’s illegitimate sister and then by flirting, Charlie has to go.

“Hey Charlie?”

She turns around in the doorway, “Mmh?”

“Is Cas mad at me?” he chews on his lip, which is a dumb idea. It tastes metallic where there's dried blood.

She casts her eyes downward, “No. He’s confused and worried. Not even Crowley knows why you’re absent, just that you’ll be back.”

He swallows, “Will you ask him to stop by?”

Charlie nods, “Yeah.”

 

\----

 

The next day he’s woken up by Meg shaking his shoulder gently, “There’s a teenager here to see you.”

Dean knits his eyebrows together, but then he sees Krissy standing awkwardly in the doorway. 

“What the hell are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in school?” he grins.

Meg gestures that Krissy can go in while she passes her on her way out.

“I could ask you the same,” she says, eyes flicking to his cast-clad leg, “What happened?”

“Accident, don’t worry about it,” he mumbles, “Why are you here?”

She shrugs and sits on the side of the bed, “Your sub is really annoying. She keeps asking me to get her coffee. Besides,” she picks up a pen from Dean’s bedside table, “I wanna be the first to sign your cast.”

Her hand with the uncapped pen hovers over his ankle, waiting for his permission.

“You can be the second, Charlie’s already been here. But go ahead.”

She scribbles something and caps the pen before throwing it back onto the table. She gets up and backs towards the door slowly, “I should get going, I really do have class.”

“I’ll see you sooner than you know.”

Krissy turns around and walks to the door, where she turns back to Dean. She licks her lips, “Mr. Winchester, did you tell someone this time?”

Dean’s heart stops for a second and then speeds up, but he nods, “Yeah.”

Krissy nods too and then she’s gone.

 

\----

 

Castiel is already crying when he knocks on the open door to Dean’s room.

“Dean,” he gasps and walks over to him. His hands are shaking, like he wants to reach out to Dean.

“Hey Cas. Holy shit, I’m glad to see you,” Dean smiles and takes Cas’ hand.

“I’m sorry, Dean, I’m so, so sorry,” he sniffles.

“Hey, don’t be sorry. You didn’t know. Wait, do you know now? Did Charlie tell you?” he asks. He’s surprisingly okay with it being out now. 

“Please Dean, it was pretty easy to figure out. I’m sorry I told Michael, I had no idea the repercussions it would have,” his voice cracks repeatedly.

“It’s not your fault.”

“Have you told the police?”

Dean nods, “The doctor reported him, I think. I haven’t seen him since… you know,” he gestures to his battered up body.

“Do you have anywhere to stay?” Castiel asks then.

“Uh, no. My brother is coming in a few days, so I figured I’d stay at a hotel with him or something. I haven’t really had a lot of time to process this, I have no idea what the next step is right now.”

“Dean, will you stay with me? Just until you find an apartment? Or Charlie or Benny or someone? I don’t think you should be staying by yourself.” Cas’ hand is clenching Dean’s hospital-borrowed T-shirt.

“I’m not staying with Charlie, her apartment is on the fourth floor!” he gestures to his leg, and then he looks down nervously, “But I’d… I’d really like to stay with you. If you’re sure I won’t be in the way.”

Cas’ hand ghosts over Dean’s still slightly purple jaw, “You could never be in the way.”

Dean grins and pulls lightly on Cas’ sleeve, which is enough of an invitation for the other man to finally lean in and press a soft kiss to his lips. Even though it aches slightly in his skull Dean feels like he’s been thrown a lifesaver.


	6. Aftercare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Sam care for Dean in the days after he's been let out of the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And again, thank you everyone who's left kudos and comments <333

Dean is still in the hospital when Sam gets there but Dr. Cain has said he’s free to go that evening once he’s filled out some paperwork. He hadn’t specified what kind of paperwork and Dean tried not to think about it.

“What the hell happened?” Sam hands Dean a paper cup of cafeteria quality coffee, takes the lid off his own and sits down on the chair beside Dean’s bed.

Dean sighs, he’s going to have to explain it in words this time.

“I mean some nurse told me you were in an ‘accident’ but the way she said it made me think that that’s not what happened,” he lifts his eyebrows questioningly at Dean.

Dean hesitates, clears his throat. Gesturing with his coffee cup he asks, “How’s Jess?” which is really inconspicuous, but apparently Sam takes it.

Sam furrows his brows, “Uh, good. Yeah, depending on how long I stay she might come up later in the week.”

Dean nods. It’s awkward.

“Where’s Michael? I would expect him to not leave your side in a situation like this.”

And there it is, the perfect opportunity. Dean grabs it for the first time in his life, “The- uh, the doctors forbid him from visiting me.” He studies the black coffee through the little hole in the plastic lid. He pops it off.

“Wait, what?”

Dean blows on the steaming coffee.

“Dean, are you telling me that Michael… That _he did this to you_?!” he nearly spills his coffee, the brown liquid sloshing dangerously close to the edge.

“I guess so.”

“But _why_?” Sam leans closer to Dean, “He’s never done anything like this before.”

Dean glances at him out of the corner of his eye and Sam’s eyes widen. He leans back, face unreadable, “Oh. He has.”

“Yeah.”

“Christ, Dean. I never even thought-“ he runs a hand through his too-long hair. That kid must be conditioning on the daily, Dean thinks briefly.

“I know. I’m sorry, Sam, I just… I couldn’t tell you.”

Sam sighs shakily, “How long has he…” the question never fully forms.

Dean raises his hand an inch and lets it plop back down in his lap, a vague gesture, “I- well, more or less the whole time.”

“Why’d you never tell me? Dean, you’ve known him for five years!”

Dean swallows, “I couldn’t, okay? He broke my confidence in a month. You know how fucking desperate I was from the minute I met him.”

“Jesus,” Sam rests his elbows on his thighs, takes a sip of coffee, “So what now?”

Dean tells him about the doctors reporting him, how he hasn’t heard from him in a week, not since it happened.

“But you’re going to get a restraining order, right? I mean you have to press charges.”

This is what leaves Dean exhausted more than the morphine. He doesn’t want to deal with it. He just wants to get out of here and never even _think_ about Michael ever again. But nothing’s ever that easy. Especially not for Dean. Well, maybe except for Cas. He grins at the thought and Sam frowns confusedly at him.

Dean shakes his head, “Nothing,” he waves his hand.

Dr. Cain comes in followed by Meg. He greets Sam and then turns to Dean, “You ready to go?”

“Yeah. Uh, Castiel will be here at 5.”

“Well, he must be looking for a parking spot, it’s five past.”

There’s just time for Dean’s heart to skip a beat in worry, before he sees a familiar, really ugly, trench coat. Then his heart skips a beat for different reasons. Mainly two blue reasons.

“Cas!” Dean grins. Actually, he’s probably beaming. Maybe he can claim morphine. Even if he hasn’t anything stronger than Advil in the past two days.

Sam shoots Castiel a suspicious look. Dean doesn’t have time to notice, really, he gets into his wheelchair with some help from Meg and then he’s escorted into Dr. Cain’s office. Sam and Cas are told to wait in Dean’s room.

“You have to sign your release and a few documents about domestic violence. It’ll be anonymous until you bring it to court,” he looks up at Dean pointedly then, “Which you should.”

Dean just nods.

Cain goes on, “I have a Domestic Violence Restraining Order form, but you’ll have to give it to court. I might suggest that you go and get an Emergency Order as soon as possible, only until you get the restraining order.”

Dean nods again. Half of what Dr. Cain just said barely registered. He has no idea what to do. He doesn’t listen after that; he just signs where Dr. Cain points and then Meg rolls him back to Sam and Cas. They’ve packed up whatever little stuff he had and are talking about… cats?

“Dean claimed he was allergic when I wanted one when we were kids. He isn’t though, don’t worry.”

Cas visibly relaxes, “Well, that’s good. I’d hate for Mr. Whiskers to go homeless. Though I suppose he could stay with Spock and Charlie.”

“Hold the fuck up, what?!” Dean says and the two men whip around to look at him.

“Uh, I was just saying that there’d be plenty of room for Sam to stay at my place, at least until he gets settled into a hotel, since it’s only me and Mr. Whiskers. And you, of course,” Castiel is gesturing a lot. It’s kind of adorable.

“Who’s Mr. Whiskers?” Dean asks bewildered.

“My cat. Come on, Dean, you know this,” Cas looks defeated, which is also kind of adorable.

“No- what – what kind of a name is Mr. Whiskers even – you know what, nevermind, let’s just get out of here,” Dean rolls his eyes. 

There’s no trouble getting out to the hospital parking lot. It is a hospital, after all, there are ramps build for this. 

Getting into the backseat is where the trouble begins. And also, Dean’s heart breaks all over again, when he realizes he’s not going to be able to drive Baby for a while.

Dean is trying to push himself backwards on his hands and good leg, the broken one sitting straight and sticking out of the car. The cast goes up to mid-thigh so he doesn’t have a lot of movement. Castiel is trying to help, bent over him and pushing at his thighs.

There’s pushing and pulling and Dean thinks he’s just about there when Cas’ hands slips and they knock their heads together.

“Ow! Shit, Cas, this is the least fun we’ve had in the backseat of a car!”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! You’re already concussed! Are you okay? Do we need to go back inside?” Castiel brings his hands up to touch Dean’s head but let’s them hover around it.

“Shut up and take me home,” Dean grumps. 

Sam is howling with laughter, but then suddenly stops, “Wait, what? What _kind_ of fun things have you done in the backseat of a car?”

Dean groans and Castiel stays where he is, bent over Dean’s lap. “Can we not have this conversation right now, thanks? Sam, just go get the Impala and follow Cas, okay?!”

Sam finally fucking complies and soon enough they’re on their way.

“Are you really okay? You’re not dizzy and anything? Nauseous?” Castiel glances at Dean through the rearview mirror.

“I’m fine. Are _you_? Wouldn’t want you to be concussed too.”

“I’m perfectly fine.”

They’re silent for a while, the radio telling them about a kitten the fire department of Lawrence saved today. Then they lose Sam in an intersection and Cas pulls over to wait for him.

“What are you going to tell him? About us- or me, I mean,” Cas asks, turned around in his seat to look at Dean.

Dean looks up and meets his eyes. His heart clenches, but for once it’s not with anxiety, “The truth, I suppose. What do you want me to tell him?”

Castiel sees Sam and turns the key in the ignition again, “What is the truth?”

Dean watches the side of Cas’ head, noticing how the light from the streetlights sweeps across his features, making them seem starker. He wants to touch him. Be touched by him. Despite telling himself not to get his hopes up, he immediately does. He hopes he gets to sleep in Cas’ bed. That he gets to be with Cas.

“That you’re hot as hell and I can’t keep my hands of you?” Dean suggests.

Castiel snorts, “You should think about a different way of phrasing that.”

“How about: I’m in love with you and you’re just about the only thing that’s kept me afloat the past few months?” it’s a good thing Sam keeps a distance because Cas breaks for a second.

After a moment he asks, very quietly, “Is that the truth?”

“It’s the truth.”

They park in front of Cas’ house a few minutes later, Castiel gesturing to Sam that he can park the Impala in the garage, which feels like a fucking present to Dean.

They watch Sam exit the garage after a minute and Dean’s just about to open the door, when Cas says, “I’m in love with you too.”

 

\----

 

“Are you sure it’s no problem that I stay here?” Sam asks Cas. He dumps his carry-on sized suitcase in the hallway.

“It’s no trouble at all. The guest bed is already made up,” Castiel says, while gesturing towards the guestroom.

“That’s really great of you- wait, you only have one? Where will Dean sleep? I’m not letting him have the couch,” Sam looks at the couch as if it has personally offended him. 

Castiel pushes Dean after Sam into the living room, Dean’s duffle bag in his lap.

“Oh, I was actually thinking that Dean, uh, stay… with me… In my bed…” Castiel fumbles, hands gesturing and eyes on the floor.

Sam’s eyes widen, “Oh! Okay, uhm.” 

Dean rolls his eyes at their antics and huffs as he rolls towards Cas’ bedroom to put his duffle bag. He’s moving very slowly, since he can’t get a real grip on the iron bar with the hand that’s partly covered by a cast. He thinks that by the end of this he’ll have giant fucking arm muscles because shit, it’s a hard way to transport oneself!

He notes the book of poems by ‘Kripke’ on a nightstand, which makes him feel oddly shy. And gooey.

Castiel comes into his room after him and when he gets close enough Dean pulls on his shirt to get him to bend down and kiss him. Dean would be content just doing this for the rest of… well, time.

But Cas pulls back and sits on his bed so he’s level with Dean, “You should talk to Sam. I have to go pick up groceries anyway.”

Dean nods. He doesn’t much like the idea of not being physically close to Cas right now, but he knows that Cas has a point, “Okay, yeah. Will you give me a push? My arms are tired.”

Castiel chuckles, but pushes Dean back into the living room. Sam is in the guestroom but comes out when he hears them.

“I’m going to the store. Is there anything either of you need? Well, other than pie, I guess,” Castiel gives Dean a tiny charming smirk and Dean wants to swoon.

“Uh, well, I hate to impose, but I’m a vegetarian,” Sam shifts shyly.

“GodDAMMIT, Sammy!” Dean groans, earning laughs from both of the other men.

But Cas confirms his understanding and then he takes off.

Sam sits down on the couch and Dean has to admire Cas’ ability to get semen out of furniture, he can’t even see it. Or maybe he just turned the cushion over. He rolls over in his wheelcheer to sit next to Sam and then he turns on the TV.

There’s a bit of silence but then Sam turns towards Dean with an exhale. He waits until Dean turns to him, “So _who_ exactly did you say Castiel was? A coworker?”

“Uh, yeah… A Friend…” Dean mumbles.

“Aha,” Sam turns towards the TV briefly and then back to Dean, “And do you share a bed with all your friends?”

Dean groans, “Do I have to spell it out for you? Yeah, okay, we’re fucking, we’ll try and keep it down.” He’s trying to get a reaction from Sam and it works, just like it always does, and Sam’s face contorts into a bitch face. 

“I don’t think you’re supposed to be sexually active in your condition.”

“I was _joking_ , we’re obviously not gonna sleep together when just breathing hurts,” Dean scowls at Sam.

“Oh shit, didn’t you have a pain medication prescription to fill?” Sam slaps his forehead.

And he did but he’s too tired so he shrugs, “I’ll get it tomorrow.”

“Alright. But Dean,” Sam hesitates, Dean looks at the TV. Why are they watching cartoons? He's pretty sure Dr. Sexy reruns are on right now. “Are you guys, like, _together_?”

Dean licks his lips, “I’m not sure. I think we will be but there are a lot of things that have to get sorted right now.”

“Yeah, of course,” Sam nods. “But I’m glad I got to meet him. He seems like a good guy.”

Dean smiles faintly towards the TV, “Yeah. He is.”

\----

Dean learns that he should have picked up his prescription right away the hard way, when he wakes up in the middle of the night and it feels like part of his skull has caved in. 

The pain in his head luckily distracts him from the pain in his hip at the first, though he finally notices that he’s lying on his side, curled towards Cas, and that that’s a really terrible idea when you have a cracked hip. With some difficulty he turns to his back but not without groaning in pain.

It’s enough to wake Cas, apparently, as the other man sits up and reaches out for Dean in the dark, “Dean? What’s wrong?” he sounds slightly breathless.

“I’m fine, just… in pain. Don’t worry about it,” Dean clenches his teeth together and then gasps in pain, because that’s not a good idea either when you’re also still healing from a cracked jaw.

Castiel’s eyes must have gotten used to the darkness because he gently touches Dean’s chest, “Oh no, we forgot about your prescription.”

“It’s okay, we’ll get it tomorrow,” Dean grits out. 

He can feel the bed shifting as Cas gets out, “No, we’re going to go pick it up right now.” He says it sternly and Dean is in too much pain to argue anyway. 

Dean is only wearing boxers and a T-shirt and he cannot be bothered with fumbling pants over his cast so Cas just gives him a blanket to put over his lower body, after having helped him into the wheelchair.

They’re trying to get Dean into the backseat when Sam steps out on the front steps in a pair of sweatpants and an old T-shirt Dean thinks used to belong to him, “what are you doing?”

Castiel explains briefly before getting into the driver’s seat. Sam gets into the passenger seat without a word and without his shoes.

There’s no conversation because Dean is groaning in pain and about halfway there he starts to feel nauseous and faint with it.

The first thing Dean does when Castiel parks the car is open the car door he’s been leaning against to lean out and vomit on the ground.

“Dean!” Sam almost steps in it.

“Should we go back to the hospital?” Castiel asks, voice trembling with worry.

“Just get me some _fucking pain medication_!” Dean growls and he’ll probably feel guilty about it when he stops salivating onto the asphalt beneath him.

Castiel gets Dean’s ID and prescription and goes into the 24hr pharmacy while Sam stays with Dean.

Ignoring Sam and Cas, Dean takes a double dose the second the bottle is in his hand, and when they get home he sleeps through the night and Castiel’s morning routine.

 

\----

 

He’s confused when he wakes up, a dull, sort of heavy, pain weighing on what feels like all of his joints and his head. 

Reaching out across the bed he finally opens his eyes when he figures that there’s no Cas. He groans and sits up.

Sam comes into the room, “’Morning, Dean,” he sits on Cas’ side of the bed.

Dean just groans again. 

“Castiel had to go to work. How are you feeling?” 

Dean glares, “Why don’t you hazard a guess?”

Sam gets up and rolls the wheelchair around to Dean’s side, “I guess you’re allowed to be grumpy, so I won’t say anything.”

Sam pushes Dean into the kitchen where he makes him scrambled eggs and even though there’s _spinach_ in it, Dean appreciates it.

They spend most of the late morning talking and after noon they settle into an easy silence, Sam doing work and Dean picking up a book from Cas' impressive collection. Mr. Whiskers naps all day in Dean’s lap.

The routine becomes that they work in silence until lunch and then they Facetime Jess and call Bobby, Ellen or Jo or all three. When Cas comes home he or Sam makes dinner. When they go to bed Castiel tells him about his day and listens to Dean, even though he still can’t say most of it.

Even though it’s slightly painful, he fully enjoys waking up with Cas halfway sprawled on top of him.


	7. New Phone Who Dis?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other shoe drops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there was no update yesterday because I thought I was going to die from a hangover. But I pulled through and here is the next chapter! 
> 
> Uploads might come a little slower because I have a paper to write and I got a job last week.

Dean has been out of the hospital for a week when he decides he’s _over_ just sitting at home. Well, Cas’ home. Even it it’s nice to spend time with Sam and he’s starting to feel as close to him as when they were kids.

So Cas and Dean drive Sam to the airport with promises of seeing him and Jess in the summer, and then Dean goes back to work.

There’s still a purple shade skirting his jaw and he’s still in the stupid wheelchair, which turns out to be a goddamn pain in the ass real fast, so after his first day back he picks up crutches at the hospital.

On the first day Cas pushes Dean to his classroom with Benny tagging along to hold doors open for them, and they’re running a little late because there aren’t any fucking ramps in the school. When they finally get there, Dean’s welcome back by his students are even greater than the teachers’. 

There’s a pretty extravagant arrangement of flowers on his desk and cheering and it’s all very overwhelming, especially since Dean is just getting used to not being hopped up on painkillers.

All of his students have signed the card that’s nestled between flowers and Dean tries to stop the flow of tears. Krissy is quick to hand him a tissue, “Who’d have thought you’d be the sentimental kind?” she grins, but her eyes are soft.

She writes notes on the whiteboard for him (because he can’t reach it from his wheelchair, and he can’t really let go of his crutches either), and she spends the free period, lunch and an hour and a half after school, grading papers next to Dean and Cas. Dean realizes she’s straight up _coddling_ him.

So despite the worried looks and the array of rumors among the students (most of them true), things are pretty fucking great.

After four weeks Dean gets a boot instead of the cast, and that, apparently, means that Dean is well enough for sex, Cas decides. And then things are pretty fucking fantastic.

Too fantastic for Krissy to endure an hour and half of them together, because she starts making gagging noises when the two teachers’ faces light up upon sight of one another, and going out to the bleachers to catch Claire at softball practice instead.

“There’s your boyfriend,” the smirk is evident in her voice.

Dean looks up to see Castiel in the doorway, smiling. Dean smiles too, “Yeah, there he is.”

“See you tomorrow,” Dean calls after Krissy as she flies past Cas. 

At the same time Cas says, “Have a nice day!”

She just waves over her shoulder, mumbling something about ‘Brokeback Mountain – Teachers Edition’.

“I hope she isn’t too traumatized,” Cas jokes and sits down across from Dean.

“Nah, don’t worry about her. She’s stoked about this. I think there’s been dating pools on us,” Dean smirks and engulfs Cas’ hand with his own.

Castiel smiles softly at him and Dean gets fucking giddy, which is just too goddamn much. 

“I love you,” Dean says without even realizing and then Cas looks giddy as well. 

“I love you too.”

It feels like he’s walking on air, but it doesn’t last, of course it doesn’t.

\----

 

Dean is talking to Crowley after school when he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. It’s a new one, again. He’d decided that everything that had been at Michael’s, Michael could keep. And since that was pretty much _everything_ there’d been quite a few shopping sprees in the past month.

“I realize it’s awfully soon and you might not be ready, but would you be interested in talking about it? Domestic abuse? Abaddon, the school counselor, would accompany you and it wouldn’t have to be a full hour. I just think it would be a good thing to spread information about – who knows how many of our kids have damaging home milieus,” Crowley isn’t sitting down, which is annoying, but he never does.

Dean worries his lower lip. Crowley makes a good point and Dean would be heartbroken to find out any of the students were in trouble and too scared to ask for help. But he’s not ready to talk about it. Not extensively. He still hasn’t even done that to Cas or Sam.

“I’m not sure I’d be able to do that before school lets out for summer. But maybe next semester? It’s just- I’m still dealing with the repercussions.”

Crowley nods and then pretty much excuses him. 

Dean is walking towards Cas’ car when he finally checks the text he got. 

[You didn’t think it’d be that easy, did you?] 

Dean can feel his throat constrict. The number isn’t familiar, but Dean has no doubt about who it is. How did he even get this number? And if he has this number then what else can he find out? Like… Did he know where Castiel lives?

“Dean? Are you alright? You look really pale. You’re not in pain, are you?” Castiel is halfway out the door of the car.

“I’m fine,” Dean inhales and deletes the message, “Sorry I kept you waiting.”

Cas shoots Dean a look, “Please don’t apologize.”

Dean gets into the car and after a few seconds he grins, “Sorry.”

Castiel shoots Dean another one of those looks, but there’s a smile right behind it.

He tries to ignore it, and flirt and talk with Cas like he normally would, but the text hangs over him like a curse. 

“Is something wrong, honey? You don’t seem like yourself,” Castiel says over dinner. The pet names have been slipping out with a regular rhythm over the past few weeks. It doesn’t sound like a reprimand when it’s coming from Cas.

“Uh, yeah, just tired, I guess,” Dean says distractedly. It feels as if his phone is glaring at him from where it’s sitting in the charger on the kitchen counter.

“I guess that’s fair. We do tend to prioritize other activities over sleep lately,” Cas grins.

With some effort Dean huffs a laugh. And feels bad.

Cas furrows his brows, “Is it something Crowley said?”

“No, really, babe. I’m fine,” he gets up and stacks his plate on top of Cas’ before taking them to the sink.

“If you say so,” Castiel mumbles as he comes to stand next to Dean and Dean feels. Like. Shit.

So he pulls Cas closer and cups his face, “I love you,” he murmurs and presses his lips to Castiel’s.

“I love you too,” Cas whispers against the side of Dean’s mouth. The contact feels good and Dean thinks he actually, physically needs it tonight. But he needs more of it. All of it. It’s easier than talking.

He works his hands from Cas’ face and onto his ass instead and buries his face against his neck, latching on to the sensitive part of skin. He feels Cas smile against his ear.

Then he feels a hand slipping down the front of his pants and soon enough they’re trying to make their way to the bedroom, but it’s difficult when they need to get naked _now_ and Dean’s still wearing that boot, and they can’t go longer than five seconds without kissing and Mr. Whiskers thinks he’s invited to the party, prancing between their legs.

They make it though, the door shut in Mr. Whiskers’ face and they’re going to be behind on grading but it’s so worth it.

Dean doesn’t think about the text and what it means (that he needs to go get that fucking restraining order) until lunch break the next day.

Because that’s when he gets the next two.

[You can try to avoid me all you want. We both know you’ll come back, begging.]

[Especially when that new boyfriend of yours finds out what a pathetic and useless piece of shit you are.] 

“Who’s texting you?” Charlie asks, leaning over.

Dean is quick to pull the phone to his chest, the screen nowhere near her line of sight. Charlie, Benny and Cas all shoot him suspicious looks.

“Uuuhhh, it was just… Sam…” he slips his phone into his briefcase on the floor.

“What are you guys texting about that’s so secret?” Benny asks. He pours creamer into his coffee. It’s the hazelnut stuff that, if you add sugar, makes the coffee taste like straight up Nutella. Needless to say, Cas has been addicted to the stuff ever since Benny introduced him to it.

Dean shrugs, “Nothing.”

Charlie grins, “You’re not cheating on Cas too, are you?” It’s a joke, Dean knows this, but it feels like a slap in the face.

“Charlie,” Dean sighs. He pulls together the papers he had laid out in front of him. He never really did anything to them other than pull them out.

“Too soon?” she asks, and he knows she didn’t mean any harm, but he has to get out of there.

She looks at Cas and Benny when Dean doesn’t say anything. He just gets up and grabs his briefcase.

“I gotta go, I… Have a call to make,” he lies. They all know it’s a lie.

“Wait, Dean! I’m sorry!” Charlie yells across the teachers’ lounge, but Dean is all but bolting out of the room, his vision already blurry with tears.

When he gets to his classroom he pinches the bridge of his nose and spends a good minute trying to remember how to breathe. Luckily his tears never fall.

“Mr. Winchester?” Krissy sounds worried and Dean gives himself another 15 seconds to breathe before turning around. She’s standing in the doorway.

“What’s up?” his voice is shaky and he can’t help but feel like a failure for being like this at school. For being like this at all.

“Are you okay?” she stays in the doorway.

Dean finally gets some sort of control and he tries for a weak smile, “Yeah, fine. Just… allergies.”

“Hm. Whatever you say. Is it okay if I stay after school today?”

“Yeah, of course. You don’t have to ask,” he leans against his desk. He’s throat is still constricted.

“No, I know. Do you promise not to make out with Mr. Novak the whole time then?” she half-smirks.

Dean wants to chuckle but it’s more of a sigh and tiny smile, “He has to supervise detention, so don’t worry.”

“Alright. I’m gonna go make those copies, you asked me for,” she turns slowly, a worried look on her face. But she leaves without saying anything.

Dean feels guilty for being like this. She’s a TA, she didn’t sign up for this kind of bullshit.

Castiel comes in “There you are. Honey, are you okay?” he walks up to Dean.

Dean pulls him to him and he knows he’s probably holding on too tight but Cas doesn’t say anything. “You know I’m not cheating on you, right?” he whispers against Cas’ hair.

Cas pulls back so they can look at each other, “Of course I do. However insensitive she was, Charlie didn’t mean it. She’s very sorry about what she said. Like on the verge of tears-sorry.”

Dean chews on his bottom lip before saying, “I just… I feel like fucking shit, you know?” he looks up at Cas, “Like, I feel guilty _all the time_ , and it’s just…” he doesn’t finish.

“I know, baby. I wish there was something I could do to lift your burden,” he kisses Dean and then he pulls him into a hug and Dean buries his face in his neck, Cas’ scent and warmth providing instant comfort. 

“I love you. So much,” Castiel mumbles. 

Dean stays pressed to the other man, “I love you too.” His voice is so strained that he can’ be sure if Cas can even make it out.

“Oh my god! Seriously guys, it’s every time I walk in here!” Krissy is standing with her hand on her hip, stack of fresh copies held to her chest.

Cas has the decency to look sheepish while they let go of each other.

“Hey, you’ve been shipping us this whole time,” Dean squints playfully at her.

She lifts an eyebrow and walks over to dump the stack of worksheets on Dean’s desk, “Aren’t you too old to know what ‘shipping’ means?”

Dean chuckles, “I had to look it up to grade Becky’s latest paper.”

Krissy rolls her eyes and sits down in the chair next to Dean’s desk. Cas grabs Dean elbow, “The break is just about over so I’m going to go, okay? Will you be alright?” he asks.

“You know I will, babe. See you later,” he presses his lips to Cas’ in a soft kiss, but not before checking that Krissy isn’t looking.

“You guys are gonna give me cavities,” she deadpans. 

 

\----

 

After school Cas is dealing with detention because he’s a fucking hardass so Dean finds himself sitting across from Krissy, grading papers.

“Dean?” there’s a tentative knock on the open door.

He looks up to see Charlie. She looks extremely guilty and Dean feels bad for bolting, “Hey.”

“Hey, Ms. Bradbury,” Krissy says. She’s already on her phone, because her ethics code seems to be that whenever Dean stops grading she’s allowed to as well.

“Hey, Krissy, how are you? Dean, can I talk to you? I just want to apologize,” she tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

Dean gets up, nodding, “Be right back,” he tells Krissy. He’s probably the most fun teacher to TA for because his life is a goddamn soap opera.

He closes the door after him and turns to Charlie, who has her arms crossed in front of her chest.

“I’m sorry about what I said. I wasn’t even thinking,” she says, gesturing shortly with one arm before folding it back under her chest.

“It’s okay, Charlie. I know you didn’t mean it like that. It’s just… It’s hard, you know. I overreacted but I probably will be doing that a lot,” he explains. He feels guilty, hates being a nuisance.

“Hey, no! You didn’t overreact, Dean. If anything I’d say you were underreacting,” she says.

Dean doesn’t say anything, so Charlie shifts slightly, “Are you mad at me?”

“No, we’re fine,” he assures her and pulls her to him. She wraps her arms around him.

“I know I haven’t been the best friend lately, you know for saying those things to you when you couldn’t break up with Michael. But if you want to talk about it – or anything – you know where to find me, okay?” she leans back to look up at him.

“Please stop beating yourself up over it, you didn’t know. But thanks, Charlie, I’ll keep it in mind,” he kisses her forehead.

 

He gets back and grades about a quarter of a paper before he’s interrupted again.

“Hey, Mr. Winchester?” Krissy clicks her pen.

“Mhmm,” Dean circles a grammatical error on Kevin’s paper.

“Were you out when you were in high school?” she chews on the end of the pen but her eyes are unreadable, when Dean looks up at her.

“Out?”

“Yeah, like, out of the closet? Did people know you were gay?” she gestures vaguely and looks down at the worksheet she’s been grading.

“Well, I’m not gay, but yeah. I was pretty much always out, except to my father,” Dean twists his pen closed.

Krissy nods, makes a check next to a correct answer on the sheet.

“Why are you asking me this?” he looks at the top of her head as she keeps looking at the paper.

She does look up at Dean again to answer, “Did people give you a hard time? For being gay?”

Dean squints at her, “Still not gay, but no, they didn’t, really. Is someone giving you a hard time, or something?”

“Well, no. It’s just… It’s pride week next week and then it’s prom and I kinda wanted to ask Claire.” Krissy actually _blushes_. Dean considers it a milestone in trust.

“That’s a great idea,” he tells her as his phone lights up with a text from a number that isn’t saved, but that Dean knows too well by now. His hands are shaking when he reaches out for it. 

This one just says one word ‘worthless’, but it’s enough for Dean to start collecting his papers, “I think we’re done for today.”

Krissy knits her eyebrows, “We’ve only been here for 20 minutes?”

“Yeah, well… I have some errands and stuff,” he mumbles. Krissy quickly finishes correcting the sheet before handing it to Dean and packing up her stuff.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” she mumbles, casting him a concerned look. Dean thinks she’s too smart for her own good.

“Sure thing. Good luck with Claire.”

He goes to the teachers’ lounge to wait for Cas but anxiety bubbles in his stomach and it’s too much to sit in there and listen to Garth and Abaddon discuss Garth’s idea of a gay puppet show for next week.

Instead he goes to Cas’ car and spends the next 20 minutes trying to breathe, and then Cas is done and they go home. Dean comes up with a lie when Castiel asks what’s wrong, and he only feels guilty for making him think that something was in the first place. He’s enough of a burden as it is.

He is woken up in the middle of the night when the phone buzzes with Michael’s incoming call. Dean ignores it, but Michael just tries again. He ends up turning off his phone.

When he turns it on next morning there are 13 unread messages and 7 voicemails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments and kudos.
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr if you want, giantidiot.tumblr.com


	8. You're My Cherry Pie

Dean knows he has to go and get that restraining order and probably the emergency order or whatever it was, too. But he can’t. 

He can’t pinpoint what it is that’s holding him back. If it’s because he’s scared or stupid. Or if he just isn’t ready to let go.

Because, sure, he’s wanted to leave Michael ever since the very first time he laid hands on him years ago, but he’s been Michael’s for years, and maybe that control is all he knows. Maybe somewhere in the back of his mind he still hasn’t realized that he doesn’t _belong_ to Michael. That he can be his own person. Maybe he’s not ready to realize it.

These kinds of thoughts terrorizing every waking minute makes it hard for Dean to be in a relationship with Castiel. And that’s all he really wants. Well, not all. First and foremost he wants to be his own. He wants to be a person who is with another person.

But he’s not sure how.

So he just distances himself, which, by the way, is difficult when you’re living with that person. And are head over heels in love with him.

\----

Dean is cooking dinner when Castiel comes into the kitchen, “your brother is on the phone,” he tells him and hands him his phone. Dean didn’t even know Sam had Cas’ number.

“Hey, Sammy. Why did you call Cas?” he asks closing the oven after putting a pasta bake in there. Getting a can of beer from the fridge he pops it open and takes a sip.

Dean doesn’t even doubt that there’s a bitch face donning Sam’s features when he says, “I tried, you’re not picking up.”

“Oh right, I’m sorry, it’s been turned off. What’s up?” he walks after Cas into the living room and plops down on the couch.

“I just wanted to hear how you were doing. Are the casts off?”

Dean flexes the fingers of the once broken wrist, “one of them. I’m still wearing a boot, but it’s okay.”

“Hmm. Dean, you did get the restraining order, right?” Sam sounds worried. And that’s just great. Dean just _loves_ getting reminded of it.

“Uh, yeah. I haven’t seen Michael or anything since.”

“He never came back to the hospital?” Sam asks.

Dean sighs, “No, he was taken into arrest after I told the doctors what had happened.” And if he’s out now because Dean never pressed charges, Sam doesn’t have to know. 

That’s what Dean thinks, but Cas shoots him a quizzical look, “He’s not in jail now, is he?” he whispers to not disturb the call.

And Dean has to shake his head, but he shrugs to indicate that it’s not important.

“Okay. Good. Hey, you’re still coming to visit us after school lets out, right?” Sam changes the subject, apparently satisfied with Dean’s answers.

“Yeah, Cas and I?” Dean smiles at Cas who’s staring intently at the TV screen. Dean had just found out he’d never seen Dr. Sexy so he’s very busy rectifying that.

Sam asks if they’ve figured it out and are _actually_ together and Dean explains that he’s still living there, which prompts Sam to ask to talk to Cas, so Dean hands him his phone back and goes to check on dinner. He empties the last dregs of the beer, he only remembers taking one sip of.

“He said he’d kick my ass if I hurt you,” Castiel says casually, leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen.

\----

 

“Dean?” Castiel pops his head inside the classroom.

“Hey Cas. What’s up?” he asks. He pulls a paper towards him to look like he’s doing _something_ and not just staring at messages from Michael.

“I had a visit from Krissy just a few minutes ago,” Castiel comes into the room, he twirls Dean’s chair towards him to sit in his lap.

“Really?” Dean frowns. He’d sent her home straight after school, because apparently he had to spend all afternoon listening to threatening voicemails he’d already heard three times since this morning.

“She’s very protective over you, you know. She can be quite frightening,” he clamps his hands behind Dean’s neck and leans in very close.

Dean smiles and meets his lips softly, “Aw, come on. She’s all talk.”

“Doesn’t matter, I have no intention of hurting you,” he kisses Dean a little harder, “In any way.”

Dean cards his hand through Cas’ perpetual bedhead, “I know, baby.”

“Good,” he kisses Dean again, no more pecks, and Dean opens his mouth to let him lick into it. 

It heats up from there and when Cas is out of his button-down and Dean’s stripped of his T-shirt, Dean pulls back a little, panting, “Is the school even empty?”

Castiel kisses Dean in between mumbling, “As empty as it usually is.”

“Hmm… Well, maybe you should fuck me on my desk. Just for old times’ sake,” Dean grins against Cas’ throat and feels the moan against his lips more than he hears it.

“I think,” he swallows, “That that’s a wonderful idea.” He gets up to close the door and Dean sheds his pants.

They're already naked, Castiel bent over Dean where he’s lying on the desk, their dicks sliding together, when Dean remembers that they don’t have any lube or condoms or anything.

He’s filled with dread, because they’ve already gotten this far and what if Cas is too horny to care? 

He knows, rationally, that that would never happen with Cas. He would never do that. But Dean finds it hard to be rational. 

He’s slightly nauseous when he pushes Cas away, gently, “Wait, wait, I-“ he sits up and he kind of feels like he’s choking.

“What’s wrong, honey?” Castiel asks, worry evident in his voice. He’s standing way too close but not close enough and Dean can’t even think. 

Cas touches Dean, hands coming to rest on his biceps and Dean draws back, “Stop. Hold on, just a second. I can’t-“

Cas takes a step back, hands held up in surrender. He doesn’t say anything, or if he does Dean doesn’t hear it.

He tries to will his breathing to slow down but apparently his will is too weak because he starts hyperventilating instead and he can’t figure out if he needs Castiel to leave or hold him very close. He thinks that maybe he’s really losing it this time.

“Dean, baby, it’s okay. Sssh, it’s okay, just breathe,” Castiel’s voice is soothing and tension leaves Dean’s shoulders once he starts to focus on his words and voice. Castiel’s arms are wrapped around him and the warmth helps calm him down too.

He feels kind of ridiculous as he’s sitting there, bare ass on the desk, pants and boxers around the boot-clad leg. He lets himself breathe against Cas’ shoulder for a while. Cas has pulled his boxers back on but his slacks are still pooled around his ankles.

When his breathing has slowed to normal Cas cups Dean’s face gently to get him to look at him. His blue eyes are filled with worry and Dean’s are probably filled with guilt, he thinks.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

Castiel pulls him close in a hug, ”Please don’t apologize, baby.” He leans back to look at Dean again, ”What happened?”

Dean takes a deep breath, “I don’t know. It was just- I remembered that we don’t have any lube or anything and I just… Freaked out.”

Understanding and heartbreak dawns on Cas’ face, “Oh, Dean.”

Dean opens his mouth but ends up just worrying his lower lip with his teeth instead of saying anything. He doesn’t look at Cas. He doesn’t want to talk about it. If only there was a pill he could take to forget it all, and if only Michael could just disappear.

“Let’s go home, honey,” Cas says, pulling on Dean lightly, and he hops off the table.

\----

They’re over at Charlie’s for dinner that Friday and it’s the first time in two years he doesn’t have a goddamn curfew.

Even though Charlie had apologized for the ‘cheating on Cas’-comment Dean knows she still feels guilty. About the whole thing, really. He wishes he could make her understand that she’s done more good than harm. It was always her he stayed with when Michael kicked him out and it was always her or Benny that took him home from the hospital whenever Michael had gone overboard. He briefly wonders how many times he has lied to them. Too many to count for sure.

“Who’s chaperoning prom this year?” Benny asks as he hands Dean another beer.

Dean shrugs. He’s been off pretty much any and all extra-curricular supervision duties since the whole incident.

“Me and Cas, and I think Garth,” Charlie says.

“What? You didn’t tell me that,” Dean looks at Castiel.

He seems to just realize that fact and knits his eyebrows together in apology, “Oh no, I forgot to mention it. I’m sorry, I suppose I’ve been quite distracted lately.”

“No, that’s fine, I get it,” Dean smiles reassuringly at Cas and the other man reaches for his hand under the table.

“Ugh, I didn’t even have to make dessert, you two are so sweet!” Charlie groans and Benny chuckles.

“Stop it, we’re in the honeymoon phase, we’re allowed,” Dean glares at her playfully.

She rolls her eyes, "Haven’t you basically been together since November?” 

“So?” Dean asks. Cas squeezes his fingers under the table.

“So that’s like six months!” she whines.

“Whatever. You said something about dessert?” Dean deflects.

It’s a little later in the night and they’re pretty much piled on Charlie’s couch, watching some game show and drinking too many beers.

Charlie is in the kitchen, searching for rum, because she’s decided they have to make mojitos now, to make it an official party or whatever.

With a bottle under her arm and two limes in her hand she emerges in the kitchen archway, just as Dean’s phone starts ringing. He left it in the kitchen.

“Oh, I’ll get it!” Charlie says dropping a lime that Spock chases after.

“No, Charlie, don’t-!” Dean gets to his feet and rushes after Charlie.

There’s indistinct yelling coming from his phone and a surprised look on Charlie’s face. She’s holding the phone to her ear, “Uh, who is this?” she asks.

Dean grabs the phone, “Stop calling me!” he all but yells into the phone and then he hangs up.

Since the kitchen is connected to the living room by an archway, everyone has just caught the interaction.

“Who was that?” Charlie asks in seriousness.

Dean meets Cas’ eyes briefly but lets his eyes sink to the floor, “It’s not a big a deal.”

“Was that Michael? Has he been calling you?” Castiel asks over the back of the couch.

Dean licks his lips. He’s not sure what to tell them.

“I thought you’d gotten a restraining order, brother?” Benny says somberly. 

Dean breathes in shakily and Charlie pulls a kitchen chair to him, which he sits down on, “Well… I guess, I didn’t.”

“What do you mean ‘you guess’?!” Charlie asks.

“Relax, okay, I just… I couldn’t deal with it so I never did. It’s just some texts and calls and it’s not like I’m answering any of them.” He swipes a hand across his eyes.

“Dean, he’s _harassing_ you!” Cas says and gets up. He walks over to Dean and kneels in front of him. 

Dean grabs his hand when he offers it and he leans back with a sigh, “I don’t know what to do.”

“Baby, you know we’re all here for you, right? You don’t have to do this by yourself,” Cas looks at him in earnest. So do Charlie and Benny when Dean looks up at them.

“Yeah, alright,” he mumbles.

Castiel gets up and pulls Dean to his feet too, “We’ll go to the courthouse tomorrow morning and get it sorted, okay?”

Dean nods.

“Do you want to go home?” Castiel asks. And Dean’s heart skips a beat at Cas’ house being ‘home’. 

“No, come on. Charlie just brought out the rum,” he grins. Benny claps his shoulder with a reassuring smile when he sits back down next to him and Charlie kisses his temple briefly when she passes by, but otherwise they don’t talk about it for the rest of the night. The lack of tension that telling provides does wonders for Dean and he gets tipsy and handsy, so he and Cas grab a cab home to make love.

\----

Coming clean about Michael’s harassment, even if it was accidental, makes it impossible for Dean to postpone getting the restraining order any longer, because he has just swallowed the last dregs of his coffee when Castiel tells him to put on his jacket because they’re going ti the courthouse _now_.

Dean feels slightly sheepish at coming to court to ask for it when he’s still slightly hung-over, but it could never have been painless anyway.

They get the papers from the clerk, who tells them they’ll call with a court date within the next two days.

“Uhm, is there, like, an emergency order or something? It’s just- I was told I should get one until I got the restraining order,” Dean coughs out. He thinks the whole thing is embarrassing. He’s not good at asking for help as it is, and he can’t help but feel like he should have been able to deal with this by himself. Like how hard can it be to break up with a boyfriend?

“Yes, of course. Is he harassing you?” the clerk asks while finding the right form.

“Well, I haven’t seen him, but he calls me a lot,” Dean skims the paper. It’s pretty much the same as the other one.

“He has left a lot of threatening voicemails and text messages,” Castiel provides. Dean had shown him everything that morning, figuring it would be best to be honest and open with everything. He wonders how long that will last.

“Okay. This one will be in effect immediately, though you will have to talk to a judge for this as well,” she tells them.

Dean looks up at her, “So two court dates?”

“That’s correct. You might want to press charges as well, and in that case your ex has to be called to court too.”

Dean feels his pulse quicken. He doesn’t ever want to see him again, “I think I’ll just start with these, but thanks.”

He and Castiel sit back down at a table to fill out the form, and he can feel Cas studying for a minute. He already knows what’s coming, so he starts, “I’m not ready to face him, Cas. I’ll press charges if he keeps bothering me, okay?”

“Okay. It’s up to you,” Castiel slings an arm around the back of Dean’s chair and Dean automatically leans closer to him.

He signs where he has to and puts the pen down, “Let’s go home.”

He hands the filled out form to the clerk at the same time his phone buzzes with a new text, so he has to ask, “So does this mean I’m protected by it starting right now?”

“That it does,” the clerk smiles at him over the counter.

He deletes the text without reading it though.

\----

“Can we stop at the store, I _need_ pie after this,” Dean asks Cas. 

The other man smiles but his eyes don’t stray from the road. Dean is supposed to get the boot off in a week and he cannot fucking wait to drive, because Cas’ fucking obedience to the speed limit is driving him nuts.

“You don’t want to get it from that diner up on Main street? It’s a lot better than store bought,” he asks.

Dean chuckles and grabs Cas’ shoulder, “Oh baby, we’re not going pre-made, not today!”

Cas chuckles too, “Do you know how to make pie?”

“What do you take me for? Of course I do!” Dean grins, and jokes “And I suppose I’ll spend the next few hours teaching you how, if you really expect this relationship to last.”

“Am I not good enough in bed to keep you?” Castiel smirks, and Dean laughs.

“Point. You’re good enough, period. You’re _too_ good for me, actually.”

Castiel’s hand finds Dean’s thigh, giving it a slight squeeze, and he spares a quick glance at him. There’s a soft expression on his face, “I’m just the right amount of good for you, honey.”

 

“Can’t we just buy preserves?” Castiel asks. He’s observing Dean with a quizzical look on his face, while Dean tries to decide between apple and cherry.

He stops the decision process to look at Cas, gasping in offense, “Who even _are_ you?!”

Castiel laughs and Dean bends down to observe the apples. When Cas gropes his ass he yelps, and glares playfully at him.

“I think we should go with cherry. Did you know I can tie a knot on the stem with my tongue?” Castiel says like that isn’t basically bedroom talk.

Dean turns to face him again, “No, you can’t. Prove it!”

Castiel smiles predatorily and rips the stem off a cherry to put in his mouth.

It’s really inappropriate, the way Dean is staring at his mouth. He’s pretty sure his mouth is hung open, but he’s too hypnotized by the movement of Cas’ lips to care or even really notice. After a few second Cas sticks his tongue out, stem a perfect knot and when did it get so goddamn hot in here?

Dean looks from the knot on Cas’ tongue to his eyes. He’s smirking and Dean’s still gaping. When his brain cells finally get back to work he snatches the box of cherries, “cherry it is!”

Then he drags Cas after him to the checkout because they need to get home _right now_ and Castiel laughs roughly from behind him.

Dean only lets go of Cas long enough to hand the cashier his card (he’d had to get a new one, with a new bank because Michael had controlled his old account). 

They’re basically downright groping each other as they exit the store, but then there’s a girlish groan and they let go to find Krissy there.

“Are you guys serious? It’s _everywhere_ I look!” she rolls her eyes.

Dean grins at her apologetically, but then he notices the number of bouquets she has under her arm. They’re all pink roses and it poses quite the contrast to Krissy’s all black clothes, she always insists on wearing.

“Hey, you gonna ask Claire to prom?” he nods at the roses.

“No, I just thought I’d treat myself,” she sasses and now it’s Dean’s turn to roll his eyes. Doesn’t matter how smart she is, she’s still first and foremost a sullen teenage girl.

“How are you going to ask her,” Castiel asks.

She cocks her hip, since they’re now actually conversing and not just greeting, “I was actually gonna break into her locker and put them there, but then I remembered that she shares it with some freshman. So I thought maybe I could put them in her car, but that’s not embarrassing enough. So I’m technically stuck at the drawing board right now.”

Dean huffs a laugh, and Castiel suggests, “It’s Claire Novak, right? She’s in my second period class. You’re welcome to do it then if you would like.”

“Really?” she perks up, “Thank you!” Cas just has time to acknowledge it before she excuses herself to go find the flashiest card she can get her hands on.

“Are they a couple?” Castiel asks Dean as they make their way to the car.

“Nah, but as good as,” Dean says. He plops the grocery bag in his lap when he sits down.

“Hm. I thought they were. Krissy is all Claire talks about in detention,” he adjust the rearview mirror around and then back into the same position, because he was the last person to drive. Dean grins, it’s extremely adorable the way Cas drives like a 15-year old who has just gotten his permit, even if it does take twice the time to get somewhere than if Dean had been the driver.

“Yeah, and that’s like every day, isn’t it,” Dean teases.

“Hey, I’m not that strict. I’m still new at the school, I have to make them respect me,” Cas mock-glares before turning to look if he’s okay to back out of the parking spot.

“You’re totally strict. You’d spank your students if it was still allowed,” Dean laughs.

“I’ll spank _you_ ,” Castiel smirks.

Dean suddenly remembers that they were in a hurry to get home.

\----

Cas is kneeling between Dean’s knees, showing him what else he can do with that tongue (as if Dean didn’t already know) and Dean grips his hair gently, letting go to feel the soft strands slide between his fingers.

“Oah, fuck, Cas!” Dean groans and thuds his head back onto the back of the couch when Cas flicks his tongue in that way again. He hums around Dean’s dick. 

Dean squeezes his eyes together, trying to hold himself back. When Cas twirls his tongue around the head he looks down to find Cas’ blue eyes staring up at him. Then the fucker winks and starts basically fucking Dean with his mouth and Dean really has to restrain himself from not jerking his hips up when he comes.

Cas stays on his knees and Dean briefly cards his hands through his hair, “You’re amazing,” he sighs all blissed out.

Castiel smiles up at Dean and kisses his inner thigh, “I know. Now, help me up, I’m not as young as I used to be.”

Dean pulls his boxers up and steps around Cas before handing him a hand, “Shut up. If you’re old that means I’m old.”

“You’re still in your twenties,” Castiel argues. He pulls Dean into a kiss, and Dean kind of enjoys the vague flavor of his orgasm on his lips. He never thought he would, Michael used to do some pretty uncomfortable things to him.

“Yeah, just barely. And you’re only four years older than me.”

“Four years is a lot for your joints, I’ll have you know.” Castiel says as he goes into the kitchen. He starts unpacking the ingredients for the pie.

Dean chuckles, “How much is thirty-three in joint-years?” It earns him a laugh from the other man.

They spend most of the afternoon teaching each other how to bake pie and tie knots with their tongues and the pie is almost burned when Dean has to prove that even if he can’t tie things with his tongue, it’s still plenty good for other things.


	9. The Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets one hell of a push to start pressing charges against Michael.

“It might be a little weak so you want to make sure you get plenty of exercise. Though nothing strenuous,” Dr. Cain tells Dean.

His boot is off and he’s sitting on one of those doctor beds, the protective layer of paper rustling beneath him. He wiggles his toes, which earns him a laugh from Cas.

“So what? Just walking?” Dean asks.

“Yeah, walking would be ideal, or if that’s too hard on your leg, cycling,” Cain is looking at some papers and then he suddenly does that thing where he just brings shit up out of nowhere. Dean should have expected it, honestly.

“Was your-“ he looks at Castiel briefly, “Your ex-boyfriend ever prosecuted?”

Dean swallows. This topic makes him feel like a little boy who hasn’t done his chores, “I got a restraining order. So far that’s enough for me.”

Dr. Cain looks at Dean, or well, actually he stares and Dean fidgets. Then he looks at Castiel, “Have you thought about getting a restraining order as well?”

“No, he has not been harassing me,” Castiel says. He looks over at Dean and reaches a hand out to grab his hand when he sees how pale he’s gotten.

Dean looks at Castiel, “He does have your name, though. From when you called him?”

Dr. Cain interrupts then, “So you have had contact with him?”

Castiel looks regretful and it breaks Dean’s heart. He _doesn’t_ want any of his friends to feel guilty. “I did have brief contact with him in the shape of a phone call.”

“Hm. Are you two currently living together?” Dr. Cain is looking at his papers again.

Dean shrugs, “It’s not my official address, but yeah.”

“Well, I suppose that if Michael does bother you, Castiel, you will be protected under Dean’s restraining order, as long as he’s around,” Dr. Cain tells them. Dean can hardly believe that this is part of Dr. Cain’s job description. He’s grateful for the help and concern regardless.

They leave the doctor’s office not long after that and Cas hands Dean the other sock and boot they’d brought for him. It feels pretty weird to wear an actual boot again.

“Hey, perhaps you want to walk home? To get started on the rehabilitation progress?” Castiel smirks playfully at Dean.

Dean just glares at him, “Go fuck yourself,” he grins it and grabs Cas’ hand to pull him to his side.

“Do you think it would be a favorable idea for me to get a restraining order? It seemed to be a concern,” Castiel asks as they’re driving home. Dean is behind the wheel, fucking finally! Even if it isn’t Baby.

“If you want to, I guess. He’s not bothering you right now and I haven’t heard from him since I got the restraining orders. If he starts calling you or something I definitely think we should get you one.”

Castiel is silent for a minute, “Yes, I suppose that’s a good idea,” there’s another slight pause, “Dean, when are you going to move in with me ‘officially’?” he asks, complete with finger air quotes.

“Do you want me to?” Dean chews his bottom lip.

“You are an idiot sometimes. You’ve been living with me for close to two months, of course I want you there,” Cas sounds exasperated. Dean gets it; it must be annoying being around someone so insecure all the time.

“Okay, well… I guess I have to be added to some lease or something. And I owe you two months rent,” Dean taps the turn signal and looks over his right shoulder to check for pedestrians.

He catches Castiel’s dopey grin as he turns his head back around, “What?”

“I just love you so much,” he says softly, grin still intact.

Dean is probably smiling just as idiotically when he says, “I love you more.”

\----

 

“With you as supervisor no one’s gonna even dare _think_ about spiking the punch!” Dean grins at Castiel. He’s pulling on the godforsaken trench coat and sends Dean a mock glare.

“My students are not afraid of me.”

Dean walks up to him, sneaks an arm through the open coat to squeeze his waist, “No, I know. They respect you. I was just kidding, babe.”

“I wish you were going too,” Cas says, lips already on Dean’s.

“We don’t set a good example for abstinence, you know,” Dean chuckles. The school has ridiculous rules about kissing and groping and even goddamn slow dance, and Dean can’t do anything but roll his eyes at them. They’re _teenagers_ for crying out loud! _He’s_ a grown ass man with his hormones in check and he’s still fucking on the premises. 

“I guess that’s a fair point. At least I have Charlie, even if she teases me mercilessly for not understanding her references,” Castiel rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, tell her I said hi. And Krissy too, if you see her,” he pulls Cas to him to kiss him a little more, licking at the seam of his mouth. His hand wanders down his back to grab a handful of his ass, but Cas pulls it away and steps back. 

“I have to go, and I don’t want to be frustrated all night! Goodbye, honey,” he kisses him shortly.

Dean lands one last smack on his ass on his way out, “See ya!”

He doesn’t even get to close the door before he sees Benny pull up, and he signals for him to come right in and goes to fetch them two beers from the fridge.

\----

Dean gets drunk without meaning to, but he’s been matching Benny in beers and he had two – or was it three? – during the afternoon. At least Benny is getting tipsy too. Isn’t he?

They’re watching a game of baseball on TV and Dean really enjoys just hanging out with a friend. They haven’t talked about Michael or his texts or restraining orders or anything. They’re talking about which seniors have gotten full rides and which aren’t going to college, and how Dean isn’t coaching baseball this season.

“I think Dorothy is trying to win Charlie back,” Benny confides. Dean and Benny are actually giant gossips when they’re together. They’re not proud of it.

“Are you for real?” Dean rolls his eyes, “I hope she doesn’t go back to her.”

“She was crushed when she found out Dorothy had cheated on her,” Benny puts a handful of chips in his mouth.

Dean stares at the TV without seeing the program, “Yeah, cheating’s a mess,” he says quietly.

“Hey, brother, you’re not thinking about Michael, are you? I’d say that was the one situation where you’re allowed to cheat,” Benny looks at the side of Dean’s face, he can feel it.

He shrugs, “I feel like a douchebag, but I don’t know what I could have done differently.”

Benny doesn’t say anything for a while and Dean finishes his beer, “Do you think you’d still be with Michael now, if you hadn’t met Castiel?”

Dean doesn’t want to think about it and he certainly doesn’t want to talk about it so he just shrugs. Benny gets the message, “Who do you think is going to the World League?” he asks, gesturing to the baseball game on the TV with his head.

They’re watching the highlights from the game on ESPN when Castiel calls. Dean only catches the time then and realizes Cas should be well on his way home.

“Hey babe.”

“Hi Dean. What kind of car does Michael drive?” he asks and Dean wonders if he’s more drunk than he thought and just hallucinated that question, “huh?”

“I think he’s following me. Prom ended and I was on my way home and I noticed a black BMW following me,” Castiel sounds so level-headed that Dean is half-convinced that his brain is making up this whole phone call. But Michael _does_ drive a black BMW, or he did a few months ago when Dean last saw him, anyway, so he sits up a little straighter.

“What?! Where are you now?”

Benny looks questioningly at Dean, probably because he’s starting to freak out, rubbing his face with the hand not holding the phone and bouncing his leg. His voice might be shaky too, he doesn’t know.

“I’m just driving around. I wasn’t sure if he really was following me but I’m fairly convinced now. I don’t think driving home would be a good idea,” Castiel explains.

Dean draws in a shaky breath. He’s too drunk to drive, that’s for sure and he doesn’t know what to tell Cas to do. “Fuck. Fuck shit, Cas, what are you gonna do? What are we gonna do?!” he knows getting hysterical is the opposite of helpful but what if something happens to Cas? Why hadn’t they just gotten him a fucking restraining order too after Cain had suggested it?

Benny touches Dean’s arm gently to get him to look at him, “Give me the phone, brother.”

Dean complies and he’s too focused on fucking breathing to catch what Benny says to Castiel, but then he nudges Dean, “Come on.”

“What are we gonna do?” he asks but gets up. He barely stumbles.

Benny hands him his leather jacket before pulling on his own jacket, “I told Castiel to drive to the police station and that we’d meet him there.”

They don’t talk on their way to the police station, but Dean is grateful that Benny turns on the radio so his sniffles aren’t the only sound in the car.

 

Castiel is already inside the station when they get there, sitting in a plastic chair in the waiting area but he gets up when he sees Dean.

“Cas!” Dean outbursts and is quick to get to his boyfriend. He pulls him to him, pressing his face into his neck.

Castiel is holding on to Dean tight but lets go with one hand to stroke little circles into his upper back. Dean calms down enough to lean back and look at him.

“What happened?”

“When I drove into the parking lot here he passed by. I don’t know where he went. I haven’t really talked to anyone yet, I wanted to wait for you.”

Dean nods. His mind is a little too hazy to know what to do now. Benny clears his throat from behind him, “Should you talk to an officer, or…?”

“Right!” Dean says, “Wait here, I’ll find one,” he walks up to the counter where a young man is sitting. He hears Cas ask Benny if Dean’s drunk. He wonders what the implications are.

He hesitates when he gets to the counter even though the guy there looks expectantly up at him, “Uuhh… My ex is stalking my boyfriend…” he squints and looks back over his shoulder, “Cas? Can you come here?” It’s nerves more than alcohol that’s making him frazzled, but it’s certainly not helping.

Castiel comes up to him, a worried look on his face. He actually looks more worried now than before. He holds Dean’s hand while he explains everything to the officer (if he is an officer? He’s very young but wearing a uniform. Dean decides to leave it). He includes Dean’s cheating, the violence, the texts and the restraining order in the story. Dean feels nauseous at having to listen to it.

The officer looks up the restraining order to confirm and then looks up at Dean and Castiel, “I’ll send someone to his house to check if he’s there, then we’ll bring him in. You can either stay here until we find out if he has gone home or you guys can go home and we’ll call you.”

Dean sighs shakily around a lump in his throat and looks at Cas. He doesn’t say anything but Castiel understands anyway, “Do you want to go home?” Dean nods.

“I’m gonna send someone with you, just in case your ex is waiting for you to leave here,” the officer says and calls for “Victor Henriksen.”

When they step into the parking lot Dean has enough of a mind to grab Benny, “Hey, you going home?”

“I’ll come home with you guys if you want me to,” he shrugs. Castiel unlocks the car. Dean looks after the officer who’s going to go home with them.

“We’ll be alright. Thanks for coming over. And, you know, dealing with my shit,” Dean says, shifting slightly.

Benny plants a paw on Dean’s shoulder and Dean looks up to meet his eyes, “Hey, don’t worry about it. I’ll see you on Monday.”

“See ya.”

\-----

It’s dawning to Saturday when Victor Henriksen shakes Dean’s shoulder lightly. Cas wakes up too when Dean sits up properly. They fell asleep on the couch.

“Hm?” Dean grumbles.

“There’s been no sign of Michael so I’m gonna take off. You guys don’t hesitate to call if there’s any trouble, you hear me?” he says. He’s already wearing his jacket.

Dean nods and Castiel is polite enough despite the early hour to thank him.

“You want to go to bed?” Castiel whispers to Dean. There are early morning sunrays across the back garden and the flowers seem to glimmer with morning dew.

Dean nods though; he’s exhausted.

They snuggle up in bed, arms and legs tangled together and Castiel breathing evens out quick enough. But Dean can’t fall back asleep. His chest feels to heavy.

So he looks at Castiel, the dark eyelashes fanning onto full cheekbones. He can’t believe he could be this lucky. He’s still not convinced, even if they’ve basically been together almost a full school year. He runs a finger down Cas’ face gently and Cas frowns, “Can you not fall back asleep?”

Dean swallows, “No.”

Cas’ eyes open, revealing the blue, which Dean can make out even in the darkness of the room, “What are you thinking about?”

“Just… How lucky I am, having met you. And how sorry I am to drag you into all of this,” he fiddles with the neck cutout of Cas’ T-shirt.

“I’m sorry that you have to go through this, Dean. Lord knows you don’t deserve it.”

Dean is still not meeting Cas’ eyes, “Benny asked me if I thought I’d still be with Michael if I hadn’t met you. And you know, I probably would have. So thanks.”

Cas is silent for a while and it’s just the two men breathing, “I’m sorry it had to happen the way it did. I wish it could have been handled better.”

Dean swallows again. It feels like his stomach has been removed, but he wants to talk for once. He talks quietly, “You know, I was with him for five years. And I tried to leave him a million times. I don’t think it could have gone differently.”

“Five years?” Cas pulls Dean closer and Dean can finally let go of a breath he’s been holding.

He nods against the side of Cas’ face, “Yeah, we lived together for the last two and things were really rocky before, you know, on and off all the time.”

“Did he always treat you that way?” Cas whispers it. He probably doesn’t really want to know.

“It got worse over time and especially over the last two years. At first it was mostly emotional, you know? I guess that’s why I couldn’t leave once it got really bad.”

It’s a rocky memory lane; one Dean doesn’t really want to stroll down. But it’s probably about time.

“You know, I’d just started teaching here when I met him through a mutual friend. And I just- he was a doctor and I thought he was so cool and collected, and just… He had his shit together, you know? And I wanted that. I don't know if I told you but I had kind of a tumultuous upbringing and then my dad had died just a few months before and I didn’t feel like anything was under control. So I found it helpful, at first, because he wasn’t so dominating in the beginning. He was just controlling enough for me to feel some semblance of order in my life.”

“But then it started being about everything. He was controlling all areas of my life: who I could be friends with, where I could go and for how long, all of that. He didn’t like Charlie, didn’t want me to be friends with her. When he found out I was he broke my arm.”

There is a sharp intake of air from Cas and he moves a little so he can look at Dean. He wipes Dean’s tears away with his thumb and kisses his forehead. Dean has never felt so loved. Not in this way.

“Dean, was there anything he wasn’t controlling?” Castiel whispers against Dean’s skin. Dean shakes his head. He’s pretty sure where this is going. Especially after that incident in the classroom where they didn’t have any lube. He was hoping he could have kept that aspect to himself. 

“Was he sexually abusive?” It’s so quiet Dean could pretend like he didn’t hear it if he wanted to. And he does want to. But he doesn’t, not now when he’s finally fucking said this much. 

So just a quietly as Castiel asked, Dean answers, “Yeah.”

Cas doesn’t say anything, not that there’s anything to say, he just pulls Dean even closer, which is no small feat considering how close they already are. He rubs circles into Dean’s back again and Dean never even got to consider if he was done talking about it, because the next thing he knows he wakes up and when he opens the drapes the sun is high in the sky.

Dean shuffles into the kitchen to find Cas and he gets up from where he’s been reading the paper to pour him coffee.

“Good morning Dean,” he holds the mug of coffee out of his reach to press a kiss to his lips and then hands it to him.

“’Morning. How long you been up?” Dean rubs a hand over his eyes.

Castiel shrugs and folds the paper, apparently done reading it, “Not long, about an hour.”

Dean grunts some sort of reply and sits down across from Cas. He’s not having it though and he moves his chair closer to sit next to Dean. He puts his hand on top of the one of Dean’s that’s not holding the cup.

“Thanks for telling me those things last night. Or this morning, really.”

There’s a squeeze to his hand and Dean licks his lips. He musters a smile and a squeeze back, “Thanks for listening.”

“I’ll always listen to you, honey, I hope you know that,” he puts his other arm around the back of Dean’s chair, so he’s basically sitting sideways on his chair. 

Dean braces himself on Cas’ thigh when he leans over to kiss him, “I know.”

 

\----

 

In the early afternoon Dean is nursing a beer while watching a Dr. Sexy rerun. Castiel is draped half on top of him and on top of both of them, in half of each’s lap is Mr. Whiskers.

“Who is that he’s making out with now? Isn’t that April’s mother?” Cas asks, eyebrows knitted together.

“Yeah, he and Karen broke up last episode, remember?” Dean remembers this shit instinctively now – he has seen it so many times.

Castiel nods his understanding and then the doorbell goes, “I’ll get it,” he pushes Mr. Whiskers fully unto Dean.

Dean tries to go back to the show, watching how Dr. Sexy explains to April that he’s having an affair with her mother, but then he hears a familiar voice.

“Dean!” he yells it and there’s some rustling following it.

“Hey, you can’t come in here!” Castiel says and Dean stands up. He goes to the hallway and almost fucking vomits when he sees Michael in the doorway and Castiel trying to keep him from coming in.

“Oh, there you are. Don’t you think it’s time you came home?” Michael grins. Dean doesn’t have his phone on him so he shoots Cas a look, hoping he’ll call the police.

“I _am_ home. You need to go.”

Michael just laughs like Dean is being an idiot, “I don’t see your name on the mailbox. Anyway, it’s kind of cute how you’re dating a less attractive, less successful version of me.” His blue eyes take in Cas’ dark hair, color the same as his own, and then swipes down his body. Dean doesn’t want him to look at Cas at all.

“Cas isn’t a version of anything. And you’re just a fucking psycho,” Dean says. His voice breaks and he hopes he’s not about to freak out. That could be dangerous.

Michael makes a sweeping gesture, “Whatever,” he looks at Castiel who’s dialing the police, “There’s no reason to do that. I just came to pick up what’s mine,” he gestures to Dean.

Dean’s stomach drops and he can taste bile in the back of his throat. It’s astounding how Michael can break him, time and time again, with just a few words.

Castiel downright glares at Michael and it’s actually kind of frightening, “Dean doesn’t belong to anyone, and least of all _you_!” 

“I’ll let you borrow him sometimes?” Michael smirks and Dean hears someone pick up on the other end of the phone. Castiel hands it to Dean though because Michael makes another move to go inside. 

Michael shoves at Castiel, eyes never leaving Dean, but Castiel shoves him right back. Dean honestly doesn’t know what happens but he ends up on the floor, hugging his legs to his chest and there’s a lot of yelling. He’s not sure if he ever tells the phone operator what the fuck is going on or if she guesses it based on the commotion on his end.

Dean can’t move, he physically can’t move beyond the trembling of his muscles so he just curves in on himself when Michael shoves Cas forcefully enough to get past him and he’s headed straight for Dean. Nothing happens because Castiel regains his composure fast enough to throw himself at Michael, sending them both to the floor.

And the police are fast, he’s got to give them that, because before he knows it a man he through his haze of anxiety recognizes as Victor Henriksen is pulling him to his feet and leading him to the couch, where a blanket is wrapped around him.

“Where’s Cas?” he asks, they’re the only words he can get out. He’s told that Cas is in the kitchen and Michael in the back of a cop car on its way to the station.

“Are you okay to come to the station for questioning?” Henriksen asks and Dean sighs. He rubs his hands over his face and stands up, blanket still wrapped around his shoulders.

“Hey, where are you going?”

Dean doesn’t answer, he just makes his way to the kitchen where Cas is sitting next to another cop. When she sees Dean she introduces herself as Jody Mills but Dean doesn’t have it in him care. Castiel gets up when he sees Dean and he pulls him into an embrace. 

“Are you okay?” Dean whispers into Cas’ hair, and Castiel starts running his fingers through Dean’s, “I’m okay. Are you?”

Dean takes a deep breath, “I’ll be okay.”

“Hey guys, you ready to go to the station? We’d like to ask you some questions about what exactly happened,” Jody Mills tells them. 

Castiel looks at Dean and Dean looks down at Cas’ hands. His wrists are red from where Michael had held them. He strokes his fingers over one of them and looks up at Jody, “yeah, we’re ready.”

\-----

They’re questioned separately and Dean for significantly longer than Castiel. Probably because he starts at the beginning and tells Jody all about the relationship he had with Michael. She’s writing everything down and when they’re finally ready to leave she gives Dean a copy, “I’ll file the report, alright? You’ll get a call when we’re ready for next step. Though the prosecutor might want more witnesses. Are there any other witnesses?”

Dean shakes his head, “Just Castiel and that was just today. Other times people have just seen my injuries afterwards.”

Jody nods, “Alright, well, we’ll give you a call. You might wanna look into getting a lawyer, Michael seems like the type to pay himself out of a pickle.”

“Thanks,” Dean mutters. How is he gonna afford a lawyer that can stand against whatever kind of lawyer Michael can afford??

 

When they finally get home he voices his concern to Cas. He pours himself a glass of bourbon, even if it’s only 5pm and he hasn’t had anything but coffee and a donut at the station today.

“I’m not sure this is the kind of case someone can pay their way out of. Besides I’ll help you,” Cas says. He didn’t say anything about the daytime drinking but he was eyeing the glass with concern.

“Only if you tell me how much I owe you in rent,” Dean says. He doesn’t exactly have the largest savings account, what with double college loans for his degree at Columbia and Sam’s at Stanford. At least they both had scholarships. And at least Sam has a full ride to law school.

Castiel puts his hand on Dean’s thigh in affection. They’re sitting on the couch, “Okay, baby. I’ll call the landlord on Monday and get her to add you to the lease.”

“And I’ll find a lawyer or whatever.”

Taking the glass from Dean’s hand to put it on the table, Cas leans into Dean, “I’ll help you.”

Dean leans back on the couch and spreads his legs for Cas to fall in between them. Castiel puts his hands on Dean’s chest and puts his chin on top of them. He’s drawing shapes on Dean’s chest with a finger, “I love you, Dean. I want you to be happy.”

“I know, baby. I love you too,” he mumbles. 

Then Castiel’s phone beeps with a new text message and Dean’s heart sinks. Castiel frowns at his phone, scrolls a little bit and then looks up at Dean, confusion and skepticism clear on his features, “How would you feel about meeting my brother?”

“The ADD one or the nymphomaniac?” Dean grins. Of course he wants to meet Cas’ family. The only thing he wants more than that is for Cas to meet the rest of his.

Cas grins too, “The ADD one.”

Dean huffs a laugh, “Sure thing. When?”

Cas lifts his eyebrows while looking exasperatedly at his phone, “Who knows. Now that I’ve said that we’ll be expecting him he will probably just stop by when he gets time.”


	10. Closure?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Krissy doesn't want sex talk, Michael is taken to court and Gabriel pays a visit.

Krissy is late Monday morning, which is really weird because she’s never late. Dean squints quizzically at her, trying to silently ask if she’s okay. She avoids his gaze.

She rushes off when the bell signals lunch and Dean actually gets kind of worried. He almost has no more worry to give, with the waiting for court dates, having to find a lawyer and Castiel’s crazy brother’s impending arrival.

“What happened after I took off?” Benny asks when they’re all seated in the teachers’ lounge. Cas glances at him, then at Dean and then back down at his sandwich.

Dean is not sure he’s ready to talk about it, but he knows it’s not fair to lie to his friends, “He showed up on Saturday,” Dean is studying his lesson plan and he shrugs, “and then the police came.”

“Wait, he showed up at your house?!” Charlie nearly spits her cherry coke all over them.

“Yeah. I think he’s still in jail, they were gonna keep him for 48 hours,” Dean meets her eyes briefly.

Charlie gapes, “And _then_ what?!”

Dean shrugs again, “I’m gonna have to get a lawyer and then we’re going to court.”

“For what? Domestic abuse or breaking and entering?” Benny asks.

“Well, it depends on what the prosecutor says, I guess, but stalking and domestic battery. The problem with that last one is that there are no witnesses,” he rests his chin in his hand, hiding his mouth with his fingers. It’s too stressful, this waiting period.

Charlie raises her eyebrows incredulously, “Are you joking? We all saw you at the hospital. Also this is the first time in two years I’ve even seen you without an injury. You know, the more I think about the more of a fucking idiot I feel like, because looking back, it was really obvious.”

“I’ve been thinking the same thing. We hardly ever saw you outside of work either, “Benny nods.

Dean sighs and rubs his eye, “It doesn’t matter. Please stop beating yourselves up about it. And besides, any of that doesn’t make you witnesses.”

Castiel’s hand comes to rest on Dean’s thigh, just a small gesture of comfort. Charlie frowns, staring at nothing in particular. She tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear, “that really sucks,” she chokes out.

\-----

 

In Dean’s free period Krissy is just about to run away again but Dean calls after her and she peeks back around the corner of the door.

“Where are you going? What’s going on?” Dean asks.

Krissy sighs and rolls her eyes when she walks back into the room, “Listen, you’re cool enough for old man and everything, but it’s just kind of awkward. I don’t need a sex talk from you.”

Dean frowns at her, “What!” it’s not even really a question. 

Krissy kind of stops what she’s doing, crouching halfway down onto the chair in front of Dean’s desk, “What?” then she sits down.

“First of all, I’m so not the right teacher for that, second of all… _what_?!” Dean holds up a finger.

Krissy seems to realize that Dean’s not at all on the same page, “Wait. Mr. Novak didn’t tell you?” she actually blushes.

Dean frowns some more, “What, did you fool around with Claire behind the bleachers or something? I don’t think he cares about that.”

“Are you joking? It wasn’t behind the bleachers but he was the one who caught us!” she’s blushing even more furiously.

He’s almost sure his eyes boggles right out of his head, “You fooled around with Claire at the _prom_?!”

Krissy hides her face in her hands, “Oh my god,” she whines.

Dean can’t help but smile because this whole situation is too much, “What did he say?”

Her voice is muffled because she’s still covering her face with her hands, “Nothing, he just left.”

The image Dean gets of that whole scene is too much, because Cas is fucking awkward, and he bursts out laughing, and Krissy finally looks up to glare at him, “It’s not funny!”

“Are you kidding? It’s _hilarious_!”

“Mr. Novak really didn’t tell you?” Krissy asks. Dean can’t believe she thought she’d get in trouble for this.

“We kind of had a hectic weekend. Besides you wouldn’t get in trouble with Novak for something like that. I know he’s a hardass but he’s not hypocrite,” Dean is still chuckling.

Krissy groans, “Oh my god! You know what, I’m gonna leave and when I come back this conversation never happened!”

Dean shoots her a thumbs up in confirmation.

\----

Castiel has a parent-teacher conference after school so they’d taken separate cars. Ever since having the boot off Dean would usually take them in the Impala.

But Cas gets home a few hours after Dean, and he’s lying on the couch, watching reruns.

“Hey baby!” he yells when he hears Cas open the door.

“Hello Dean,” Cas greets, coming directly into the living room without even taking off his coat. He eyes the empty beer bottles on the coffee table and kisses Dean briefly, “are you drunk?”

Dean knows that it’s not normal to get drunk by yourself on a Monday afternoon, but maybe it is a little normal when your psycho ex just tried to stalk you two days ago. He just shrugs in reply to Cas.

Castiel goes back into the hallway to hang his jacket. Dean collects the empty beer bottles to put them away, but he has to take two trips.

Then they meet back on the couch and Dean pulls Castiel to him, nosing at his hair, “How was your meeting? I missed you.”

“It’s was fine,” he says shortly and turns to look at him, “Dean, why were you drinking?”

Dean rolls his eyes, “Come on Cas, it was a rough weekend. It’s not a big deal.”

Cas frowns at Dean for a few seconds and then slumps back into the couch, “If you say so.”

Dean stops drinking for the rest of the day and by dinner he has sobered up. That was the opposite of what he wanted, really, but he doesn’t want to worry Cas. And he does feel like he has to make it up to him.

“Baby, do you want to go to dinner?” He bends over Cas’ back where the other man is bend over papers that need grading. Dean hasn’t been behind on his in over a month.

Castiel turns his head to look at Dean, “Today- right now?”

“Yeah,” Dean shrugs. He plants a kiss to the side of Cas’ throat, “We’ve never been on a date, you know. Unless you count lunch in the hospital cafeteria, which is just too depressing.”

Dean has to step back when Cas turns around in his seat, “I thought you were saving your money for a lawyer.”

“I was- I _am_. I just thought… I thought it could be romantic, or something?” Dean mumbles. He hadn’t really counted on rejection and it’s making him feel incredibly small. And stupid. God, so stupid.

Cas leans an arm on the table, “I’m not sure it’s a good time right now, honey.”

Dean just nods. He can feel tears prickling behind his lids and he doesn’t want Cas to know that he’s a fucking crybaby just because his boyfriend doesn’t want to go to dinner, so he goes into the bedroom for some privacy.

It doesn’t work because Dean has only just sat down on his side of the bed when he hears the door open behind him. He quickly wipes the tear that escaped, hoping it isn’t noticeable.

“Dean?” Castiel is standing next to the bed on his other side, meaning he's behind Dean. 

He turns his head to the side, though not enough to look at Cas, “Yeah, baby?” he tries to sound upbeat. He fails miserably.

“Baby, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was such a big deal,” the bed dips where Cas kneels on it. He crawls across it and reaches for Dean’s shoulder.

Dean twists around to send him a small attempt at a smile. He feels like an idiotic drama queen and he kind of wishes Cas had stayed with his grading. He doesn’t deserve this.

“It’s not. It’s really not, and I’m fine. Besides, you’re completely right, I have to save my money for a decent lawyer,” he says and turns fully towards Cas.

Castiel looks determined; “We’ll figure it out, okay? I’ll borrow money from my parents or something if we have to. Right now we’re going out to dinner.”

Dean looks down at his hands and then Cas grabs one of them so he looks up to meet his eyes and nods, “If you’re sure.”

So they go out to a restaurant and play footsie under the table and flirt across their meals. Castiel looks beautiful in the glow of the candles on the table and Dean can barely finish dinner, he has so many butterflies. 

The dinner almost serves as foreplay because they nearly forget to pay their bill in their rush to get the hell home. 

They’re barely inside the door before they start all but ripping each other’s clothes off and before long articles of clothing lead a trail to the bedroom where Castiel pushes Dean onto the bed.

The only light is the beginning-of-summer twilight that is visible through the window and it makes Castiel at least as beautiful as candlelight does.

“I love you,” Castiel whispers, crawling unto the bed in between Dean’s legs. He presses a kiss to the inside of his calf.

Dean lets out a breath of air. He probably looks like a giant sap right now, “I love you too. Christ, I love you so much.”

Castiel smiles at Dean before bending his head down to kiss the inside of his thigh. The look he shoots him next makes Dean’s cock twitch in anticipation. Castiel scrapes his nails lightly across his balls before reaching up to get a grip on his cock. 

Dean licks his lips. He wants to get his hands on Cas, but they don’t have the same plans because Cas nudges Dean’s knee to get him to bend his legs. When Dean complies he leans down and Dean is fully expecting lips to stretch around his penis, but what he gets instead is a stroke of tongue across his asshole and his heart nearly springs right out of his chest. 

“Holy _fucking_ shit!” he groans. Castiel smiles at him and then goes back down.

Castiel is a fucking tease with his tongue and Dean is a writhing mess in no time. He’s blabbering curses and praises, hands firmly gripping Cas’ hair. He wants desperately to come but he also really wants Cas’ dick in his ass and he’s not really sure what he asks for, because he has no control over himself anymore.

There’s the clasp of the bottle of lube opening and then a finger makes it’s way around Cas’ tongue and Dean clenches the sheets in his fists. He doesn’t want to come because Cas is going to fuck him, but at this point he’s sure he’ll explode is Cas as much a breathes a little more heavily against him. 

When there are two fingers in his ass and Cas has moved his mouth to Dean’s dick Dean is using all his concentration on not coming. Then the doorbell goes, just as a finger strokes his prostrate and it’s enough of a distraction that Dean forgets to hold on and he comes as a surprise to both Cas and Dean himself. Unfortunately Cas had been off his cock right then and the semen ends up mostly in his hair and across the right side of his brow and cheekbone. 

“Oh fuck, I’m sorry. I was really trying not to come,” he sits up and pulls Cas towards him. Dean honestly feels like a jellyfish or something, he’s so blissed out, but he has to make sure Castiel isn’t upset.

Cas looks about just as blissed out as Dean feels and he grins at Dean, “Don’t be sorry, baby. It was really hot.”

“It was, wasn’t it?” Dean smiles and pulls Cas to him to lick semen off his face. His hand finds Cas’ dick and starts stroking it. Cas looks pretty into it but Dean doesn’t get very far before the doorbell goes again.

Cas leans away an inch, but Dean strokes faster and pulls him closer with an arm behind his back, “Hey, they’ll go away if we ignore them long enough.”

Cas just nods, his breathing has picked up. Dean picks up his pace and mumbles encouragements in his ear when Cas starts moaning. Then the doorbell goes crazy and someone’s calling Cas’ phone and Cas downright groans, fingers squeezing Dean’s biceps. Dean bites down on the joint between neck and shoulder and Cas comes with a curse.

He slumps for a second before his phone goes off again and he growls while getting off the bed. His pants are in the hallway right outside the bedroom and he stalks out to get his phone from the pocket, “WHAT?!” 

Dean gets up too and pulls on a pair of sweatpants. The doorbell is driving him nuts. He pretty much rips it open.

Outside is a short man with a really annoying-looking smirk on his face. When he sees Dean he disconnects the call he was making.

“Ah, finally! You must be Dean-o!” the man spreads out his arms, “You’re a pretty one.” His eyes shift over Dean’s shoulder where Cas comes to stand next to him. Dean cringes when he sees the remnants of semen in his hair.

“You’re dating a guy with tattoos? You’re such a _rebel_ ,” the guys grins at Cas. Dean feels naked.

“Hello Gabriel,” Cas says and opens the door for him to come in. 

The shorter guy exclaims “Cassie!” and hugs him tightly. Cas pats him lightly on the back and then they step back.

“Dean, this is my brother Gabriel. Gabe, this is Dean,” he gestures between them. He still looks a little frustrated.

“I was gonna say I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything but judging from the jizz in your hair I’m guessing I probably did,” Gabriel smirks at his brother.

Castiel blushes bright red.

Dean gently touches his elbow, “Hey, go take a shower. I’ll set up the guestroom,” he turns to Gabriel, “You are staying here, right?”

Gabriel shrugs, his back to them as he walks into the living room, “Well, I was planning on it, but it depends on how loud you two are.”

“Don’t worry. Will you behave if I leave you alone with Dean? I’ll be quick.”

Gabriel is smiling way too brightly when he turns around to face them, “Hey, don’t worry about us! We’ve got bonding to do!” 

Castiel shoots Dean an apologetic look and Dean shoots him a confused one back. Cas and Sam had been fine back when he was visiting. “I’ll be fast,” he promises Dean, pecking a quick kiss on his lips.

“I’ll make up the guest bed,” Dean tells Gabriel and Gabriel follows him into the guestroom. He suddenly has a lollipop bulging in his cheek.

He sits on the desk that’s pushed up against one wall while Dean pulls out the sheets from the drawer under the bed. There’s a pop when he pulls the lollipop out of his mouth, “So, Dean-o… How long have you been banging my brother?”

Dean stops what he’s doing for a millisecond and then continues without looking at Gabriel, “Uh, I guess we’ve sorta been together since November,” he mumbles. 

“So tell me, does my brother put out on the first date? Or did you have to wait until the third?” There’s a definitive smirk on Gabriel’s voice.

Dean doesn’t know if Gabriel is older or younger than Cas, but either way he’s not sure this is something a brother wants to hear, but he turns to him anyway, “there weren’t any dates. Hasn’t Cas told you any of this?”

Gabriel shrugs, “Cassie hasn’t told me anything since I told everybody he’d pissed himself on the school bus on the first day of his freshman year.”

“Why are you still bringing that up?” Castiel says from the door. His hair is wet and he’s in pajamas.

Dean can’t help but smirk at him, “You pissed yourself on your first day of high school?”

“I had a bladder infection and I was very nervous, okay?” He glares at Dean, “Besides, Charlie told me you pissed her bed one time when you were drunk. And that’s only a few years ago.”

“Oh my god, she promised not to tell anyone,” Dean grins anyway. Gabriel is laughing.

Castiel turns his glare to his brother, “Why are you laughing? You pee on people _on purpose_ when you’re drunk.” Gabriel just shrugs.

“Well, the bed is all done,” Dean gestures to it, “And it’s not because I don’t find this conversation wonderfully fascinating, but I’m beat.”

Castiel nods, “Yes, I think we will be turning in. We have work in the morning. Do you need anything?” he asks Gabriel.

He shrugs, “I’mma go raid your kitchen. I have work tomorrow morning at 9, I don’t know when I’ll be back. But Dean-o, don't expect this to mean bonding-time is over!”

“Alright, well, we’ll figure it out. Goodnight Gabriel.” Castiel sighs.

“I won't. Goodnight,” Dean says.

“Sleep tight, lovebirds. And try and keep it down!” Gabriel sing-songs after them.

\----

It’s in the middle of class when he gets a call but it’s from a number he saved as “Court? Clerk? IMPORTANT!” so he tells Krissy to keep an eye on the students while he excuses himself.

So he gets a court date the following week and he gets a flash of stress because he still doesn’t have a goddamn lawyer. He vows to deal with it today.

He goes back to class and everyone is still just writing their assignments in silence. Krissy slides a folded piece of paper towards him. 

“Who was that?” it reads. Dean lifts an eyebrow at her, but her eyes are on the paper she’s grading.

He scribbles something and slides it back. She smiles conspiratorially at him but then she opens it and glares at him instead. “Don’t pass notes in class” it just says. He grins at her and pulls another essay towards him for grading.

Turns out finding a lawyer was easy enough once he actually dealt with it, and he calls Cain to get a copy of his medical record because he figures that’s the best evidence he has, and when the day rolls around he feels about as prepared as he think he could be.

“There’s gonna be a sub tomorrow,” he tells Krissy after school the day before the court date.

She looks up from her phone, “What, why?”

“I have an appointment,” he shrugs. He erases the notes on the whiteboard.

“One that takes all day?” she looks back down at her phone non-committedly. 

Dean turns to her, “It’s just some personal shit I have to deal with. Don’t worry about it. And don’t tell anyone I just said shit. Twice.”

Krissy frowns at him to he turns back to the whiteboard, “You haven’t had ‘personal shit’ to deal with since you started going out with Mr. Novak. Don’t tell anyone I said shit,” she grins, “twice.”

He huffs a laugh at her but then squints at what she said. That’s probably true. He used to be out of school at least once a month before he left Michael. Her and her goddamn perceptiveness. 

“I’m going to court, okay?” he tells her. 

“Hm. Well, good luck,” she says and finally puts her phone away to grade another paper. Dean sits down across from her and does the same.

They don’t get very far before Claire is knocking on the side of the open door and Castiel enters right behind her.

“Hey! The Novaks are here!” Dean grins. The Novaks roll their eyes.

\----

It goes well in court, though Dean is a wreck from the moment he lays eyes on Michael. Bela Talbot is a formidable lawyer and she didn’t break Dean’s economy completely either. 

The judge does have a problem with there being no witnesses and Michael smirks. Dr. Cain is there though and he brings up the medical record and Michael’s poor excuse of the injuries being caused by a car accident. 

Charlie brings up all the times Dean has had to lie to her in the past four years that he’s known her and Benny mentions all the bruises and the lack of explanations. 

Castiel tells the judge how hard it was for Dean to leave Michael, how terrified he was, but the judge doesn’t seem to appreciate the fact that Dean had cheated at all. Dean can feel his heart in his throat at that. What if the judge lets Michael go just because Dean had an affair?

Bela is the voice of reason when Dean starts freaking out and can’t be rational, and Michael’s lawyer, a Mr. Metatron, seems completely baffled by the things that are brought up from Dean’s side.

In the end Michael has to serve six month for domestic battery and another three months for stalking. He gets a $2,000 fine on top of that. Castiel is granted a restraining order and then they’re free to go.

Dean feels kind of lost. He can’t really understand that it’s over. He wonders if it really is.

\----

Dean calls Sam to tell him the news while Cas drives them home. Gabriel is still there and he’s very excited when Cas tells him what happened, even if he didn’t really know what was going on.

Gabriel suggests celebrating it, just like Charlie had, but Dean doesn’t want that _at all_. He wants to get stupidly drunk and sleep for a year. 

He gets stupidly drunk so fast that Cas puts him to bed at 6pm, but luckily that means he has 13 hours to sleep it off, and he’s barely hung-over when he gets to school the next day.

He feels emotionally drained though and it must show on his face because his students are exceptionally nice and Krissy asks him if he’s okay seven times before lunch.

“What happened?” she asks. She’s leaning against the doorway on her way out.

Dean bites his lower lip, “He went to jail.” He’s pretty sure Krissy knows that this all had to do with his ex-boyfriend so he doesn’t clarify.

She nods once, “Good.” And then she’s gone.

 

Over the rest of the week Dean gets just as behind on his grading as he used to be because he prioritizes getting drunk after work over anything else.


	11. Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean isn't coping so well but Castiel reaches out to help him. The school year ends and so does Krissy's TA-ship.

“What exactly are you doing here? In Lawrence, I mean,” Dean sits down in a garden chair with a can of beer, next to Gabriel who's working his way through a six-pack of cream soda. Castiel is tending to the flowers. Dean thinks he’s probably really observing the bees.

“I’m a director for a company so I can technically work anywhere I want as long as there’s a company branch there. I’m usually in Miami but when this job came up I couldn’t say no to an opportunity to visit my little brother now, could I?” Gabriel looks over at Castiel. Now he’s picking flowers.

Dean smiles subconsciously at his boyfriend but then looks back at Gabriel, “A director? What kind of stuff do you make?”

Gabriel smirks. Castiel stands up but doesn’t turn around to face them. “I make… tasteful, inspirational adult films.”

“He makes porn,” Castiel deadpans, back still facing them. 

Dean nearly chokes on a sip of beer, “Porn?!”

“I work for Casa Erotica,” Gabriel shrugs.

Dean nods and takes another sip of beer, “Anything I might have seen?”

“Sorry, Dean-o, I make straight porn.”

“He’s bi, Gabe,” Castiel supplies and goes into the greenhouse.

Gabriel lifts his eyebrows in understanding, “Well then, maybe you’ve heard of Cabana Nights? Tequila Bun Rise?”

Dean chuckles, “Seriously? I actually went to college with ‘Carmelita’. We went out one time.”

Gabriel nearly chokes on nothing, “What?! I’ve slept with my little brother’s boyfriend’s sloppy seconds? Gross! I went to Cancun with her and a bunch of other actresses after a porn convention once.”

“Hm, and here I thought you were the ADD one, not the sex addict,” Dean grins.

Gabriel whacks a finger in Dean’s direction, “Sex connoisseur – not sex addict. That would be the third brother, Balthazar.”

“So you really have ADD?” Dean asks. Castiel had been joking, right?

Gabriel shrugs, “I have ADD as much as you’re an alcoholic.”

Dean frowns, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m not diagnosed,” Gabriel says innocently like he’s not implying Dean’s an alcoholic.

“I’m not an alcoholic!”

“Do you prefer the term ‘drunk’?”

Dean gets up, “Fuck you.”

He spends the rest of the day grading in the bedroom and avoiding the Novak brothers. When Castiel tells him dinner’s ready Gabriel is gone because he “had to go to work.”

\-----

Dean is tired, just _tired_ , at work the next day. He is not hung-over. He just didn’t sleep too well.

“You look like crap,” Krissy tells him during free period.

Dean looks up at her and blinks very slowly, “Thanks,” he pushes away from the table and gets up, “I’m gonna go get coffee. You want any?”

“If there’s sugar and cream.”

“You got it, princess,” he mumbles and makes his way to the teacher’s lounge. He fills his and Cas’ mugs and two foam cups of coffee. No doubt Claire is going to stop by. He stuffs his pocket full of hazelnut creamers and sugars.

Charlie is watching him trying to balance all four cups as she’s pouring coffee for herself, “You need help?”

“If you don’t mind? I thought you had class?” he gives her Cas’ mug and balances the other three cups in his hands.

“I do, they’re Photoshopping. I told Becky to write the names of whoever made any trouble on the whiteboard,” she grins. Dean lifts his eyebrows and smiles at her, Becky is some choice. All the kids in the class’ names are gonna be up there.

Dean props open the door with his hip to allow Charlie through and she smiles gratefully at him.

“How’s it going with Cas’ brother?” she smirks. 

Dean rolls his eyes, “He’s nice enough but kind of a dick. Hey, you wanna do something after school? Let Cas and Gabriel have some alone time?”

“I can’t, Ash and I have set up a D&D game with a few others tonight,” she looks regretful.

Dean nods. He doesn’t ask why he wasn’t invited though he wants to.

They drop off the coffee in Dean’s classroom and then she’s off with a “Smell ya later.” As predicted, Claire is there when they get back.

“I’m gonna bring Cas- uh, Novak – his coffee. No making out while I’m gone,” he kids. 

“Don’t make out while you’re gone either!” Krissy calls after him.

 

Dean leans against the doorframe. Cas is researching something on his computer. 

“Hey handsome,” Dean says, startling Cas.

“Oh! Hi honey,” he clicks away from something on his computer.

Dean walks over to his desk to put Cas’ coffee on it and leans down to peck his lips. Cas sighs into it.

“Did you bring…” Cas starts asking and Dean procures hazelnut creamer from his pocket, “Thank you! You’re so considerate.” He smiles all genuinely so Dean rolls his eyes. It’s just hazelnut creamer.

“I’m gonna spend some time with Charlie after school. You and Gabe can have some alone time,” he leans his hips on the table.

Cas stirs the creamer into his coffee with a pen, “Okay. That’s sweet of you.”

Dean shrugs, “I haven’t seen Charlie in a while anyway.”

Knitting his brows together to study Dean, Cas asks, “Are you starting to tire of Gabriel?”

“What? No! Of course not! I just thought you’d want some time without me around,” he gestures with his arms and almost spills coffee onto Cas’ rug. He saves it in time, catching the spill in his own palm instead.

Castiel nods, “Alright. Well, that’s very kind of you. I’ll ask him how long he intends to stay.”

Dean nods, reassures him that there’s really no rush and then goes back to the teen girls. Making out in his classroom. 

“Aw, come on!” he groans.

Krissy lifts an eyebrow at him, “It’s only fair.”

Claire blushes.

\----

Dean asks Charlie to hang out again after school and unsurprisingly the answer is still no. He had already changed plans though. So he drops Cas off at home before heading to the nearest bar.

Maybe there he can get some peace without having to answer a bunch of questions or be the object of worried and judgmental looks. He just needs time to _think_. 

He’s two beers and a scotch in when he decides that what he needs is actually time to _not_ think. It’s time to just fucking _be_.

So he drinks a bunch and focuses the liquid burn down his throat, on getting the barmaids attention for re-fills, and eventually on staying upright on his barstool instead of anything else.

He’s lying halfway across the bar when there’s a tender touch to his arm and he flinches away from it.

“S-sorry. Are you alright?” a dark-haired guy asks. He’s wearing a tweed-jacket. And it’s MAY.

Dean blinks, trying to focus, “’M fine. Who are you?”

“My name’s Aaron. So is it love or work getting you down?” he smirks.

Rubbing a hand across his eyes, Dean sighs, “Neither.”

“Call from your mother?”

Dean huffs a dark laugh, “That’d be terrifying.”

Aaron’s eyes widen slightly. Probably. Dean doesn’t really notice, “Oh! I’m sorry.”

Dean waves at the barmaid for another drink.

He’s not sure what happens from then on, but Aaron pays for the next few drinks and he touches his arm a lot. Dean thinks maybe he cries at one point? Aaron is being a good sport about it.

Eventually Aaron all but carries him out into the parking lot where Dean empties his guts and then calls Castiel. He’s not sure what he tells him and Aaron eventually takes the phone from him and talks briefly to Cas. Presumably for the address. He takes Dean home and Dean doesn’t remember the drive nor going to bed.

\-----

Dean is woken by rustling next to him. He burrows further into his pillow. Castiel opens the drapes to let light in and Dean groans.

“Dean?” Castiel whispers. He sits down next to him on the bed.

He groans again. Castiel sighs and strokes Dean’s hair, “Do you want me to call Crowley to find a sub today?” Dean nods.

“Okay, I’ll do that. But we have to talk when I get home, okay? Gabriel is going to be gone until tonight,” he says it sternly. Dean doesn’t know why because he’s still drunk. But the nagging feeling of guilt is seeping through his covers. He nods.

Castiel leans down over Dean and kisses his ear, “I love you, baby.” 

Dean rolls over, eyes firmly shut against the offending light from outside, “I love you too,” he mumbles and Cas kisses his lips. Then he rises to close the drapes again.

Dean falls back asleep before Castiel has left.

He wakes up around noon and walks into the kitchen. Putting pants on is too complicated for his hazy brain right now. He eats an orange, peeling it slowly while not thinking about anything.

After drinking a mug and a half of coffee he sits down with grading in the sunroom. The light is too bright but Dean stays, not wanting to acknowledge that he’s that hung-over on a Wednesday. 

He looks at the words his students have written but he doesn’t comprehend them. His thoughts stray, going back to last night, to Michael, to the fact that he’s drinking just like his dad used to. He squeezes his eyes shut to clear his head. Tries to continue grading. 

When Castiel gets home Dean has gotten absolutely nowhere with his grading (actually he has gotten negative one done, since he spilled coffee on one of the papers) and he’s drunk on beer without intending to.

“Hey, Dean,” Castiel greets him when he walks into the sunroom.

Dean leans back to look at him and has to grip the table to not lose his balance, “Shit! Hiya, Cas- baby.”

Castiel’s smile becomes a frown, “You’re drunk.”

“I’m so-sorry,” he hiccups.

“You’re going to bed. To sleep it off. We’re talking about this tomorrow.” Cas says sternly and nudges Dean’s overarm lightly.

He groans, “I can’t go to bed, I only got up four hours ago.”

“I don’t care. You’ve been more or less drunk for twenty-four hours and you’re _going to bed_!” he grits. He grips Dean’s arm to get him to stand up and Dean pulls it out of his grip while getting up, he nearly falls backwards over his chair but remains standing.

“Don’t grab me! Let go of me!” he says. 

Cas holds up his hands and he looks worried, “I’m sorry, Dean. I don’t want to hurt you, okay? I want to do what’s best for you. Right now that’s getting you to bed.”

“No you don’t! You just want to control me. Just like everybody else. Just leave me alone!” he says and stomps out of the sunroom and through the living room, ending up in the bedroom.

Castiel isn’t far behind, “Dean?”

“Fuck off,” he whispers. He feels out of control and he suddenly hates the drunken haze clouding his thoughts and he sits down on the bed. The tears come then.

“Honey, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay,” Castiel mumbles and sits down next to Dean, pulling him to him.

Dean doesn’t say anything, but he can’t help but mistrust Cas’ words. How can anything be okay, when he’s like this _after_ everything with Michael is over? Is he ever going to be okay? Castiel is probably going to leave him when he realizes Dean is even more fucked up now.

“Get some sleep, okay? We’ll talk about it tomorrow,” he mumbles against Dean’s hair and he pulls them both down so they’re lying in the bed. He arranges the covers over them and kisses Dean’s forehead. Dean keeps crying and trying to breathe but he feels safer and warmer in Cas’ arms, the man’s gravelly whisper in his ear. He’s mostly unconscious when Cas tucks him in and leaves a little while later.

\-----

Dean’s in a weird limbo between hung-over and not, because he’s slept over 12 hours, but he was more or less drunk for almost 24, even if he slept for some of them.

Castiel just tries to drown him with glass after glass of water, claiming it’s dehydration. Dean knows he’s right.

“What about school? And where’s Gabriel?” Dean asks, glass of water between his hands. He’d rather have coffee but Cas is withholding it.

“I let Crowley know we wouldn’t be in today. Gabriel is at work. I expect him to go home in the next few days,” Castiel says, sipping coffee right in front of Dean, the fucker.

Dean nods. He figures he might as well bite the bullet, rather than walk on eggshells around Cas all day. 

“So…” he begins.

Castiel rests his chin in his hand, “So?”

Dean chews his bottom lip.

“The drinking?” Cas lifts his eyebrows at him and Dean nods.

He rubs his face, “I know it’s gotten out of hand and I’m sorry, but I just… I don’t know what to do. I feel like shit _all the time_.”

Castiel nods in understanding, worrying his lip before opening his mouth to speak, “I understand it’s a coping mechanism. And to be honest I’ve been waiting for you to react since you were in the hospital.”

“I’m so fucking sorry, Cas. I know it makes everything worse. I _know_ ,” he sighs. His dad had used the same coping mechanism and it was what had made Dean Sam’s legal guardian at 18.

“Would it be an idea to seek therapy?” Cas asks. He reaches a hand out to hold Dean’s forearm in affection and comfort.

Dean groans, “I don’t want to go to therapy. I just want it to go the fuck away! I don’t want to think about it – or-or _him_ , I just want to be okay!”

Castiel gets up to kneel next to Dean instead. He runs fingers through his hair, greasy from not being washed in days. “I know, baby. I wish I could take the pain away from you. But you have to talk about it. And you have to find a way to deal with your thoughts and pain. In a healthy way.”

Dean takes a deep breath and hides his face in his hands. 

“What if I find a therapist? And set up an appointment?” Castiel asks, stroking circles into Dean’s upper back, knowing how it calms him down.

Dean mulls it over. If he says no he just has to do it himself. He nods, “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

“Okay?” Castiel kisses him when Dean removes his hands from his face. “You’ll get through this, baby. And I’ll be here. Always.”

Tears slip down Dean’s face and he blinks, his eyes already sore from his bender. 

“I love you, Cas. I wish I didn’t have to be this way.”

“Don’t apologize, honey. You were terrorized for years. It’s not your fault. And I love you, precisely the way you are.”

\------

 

“Where have you been the past few days?” Benny asks, handing the pot of coffee to Dean.

Dean sighs, “I guess everything with Michael has just really hit me. I’ll be okay though.”

Benny looks at him as they walk back to the table. Dean’s papers are spread out over it as usual and Charlie is doodling on one of his lesson plans, right next to a doodle Krissy had made. 

“You ever consider therapy, brother?”

Charlie doesn’t look up, “I went to therapy last year, it helped a lot.”

Dean looks quizzically at her and then up at Benny who shakes his head. He didn’t know either. Dean shrugs.

“Yeah, Cas is making me go,” he sets his boyfriend’s filled mug in front of him, hazelnut creamer already stirred in.

Cas opens his mouth, about to protest but Dean cuts him off, waving a hand, “I know, I know, you’re not _making_ me. But you are right, I should go.”

“I’ve found someone. Her name is Tessa Olsen,” Castiel tells him.

“She expensive?” Dean frowns.

Benny cuts in, “You know if you get a doctor to refer you, you might get a cut in price.”

The first bell goes before Dean can respond so he crumbles up his papers trying to collect them in haste. Castiel chuckles at him but waits.

\----

 

“Your health giving up on you in your old age?” Krissy asks, one leg crossed over the other as she lounges on a student desk.

“Huh?” Dean is trying to smooth out a particularly crumpled up essay. It’s Becky’s. Of course, it is. She’s the only student who’d actually fucking _care_.

Krissy rolls her eyes, “You’ve been absent?”

“Oh, uh. Hay fever,” he mumbles.

“What a load of crap. But I guess it isn’t my business anyways.” She studies her nails but looks up when someone hovers in the doorway.

“Claire!” she exclaims. Dean looks up. That girl is in his classroom a lot for not being in any of his classes. 

“Hey Claire.”

“Uh, hi Mr. Winchester.” She twists the lip piercing with her tongue.

Krissy gestures between them, sending Claire an exasperated look. Claire hesitates.

“Oh my god, just _ask_!” Krissy groans.

Dean looks expectantly at Claire, “What’s up?”

A pierced tongue comes out to wet her lips, “Uhh… I was just wondering…” there’s tension as Krissy holds her breath and Claire fiddles with the ripped hem of her T-shirt, “do you have a cheat sheet for Mr. Novak’s class?” she finishes, blush creeping up her neck.

Krissy slams her head on her knees, “You’re joking,” she sighs.

Dean huffs a laugh, “Nah I don’t, sorry.”

Claire fake-giggles, “Oh, ha. That’s okay.” And then she storms out and Krissy rolls her eyes and points in the direction she went, “Do you mind…?”

“Go ahead,” Dean allows.

He doesn’t get to think about what Claire really wanted to ask because Cas shows up, “Why did I just see two teenage girls storm out of your room?”

Dean chuckles, “Ah, young love. Am I right?”

“Mhmm,” Castiel smiles, sauntering over to where Dean’s sitting.

“What’s up?” Dean smiles up at him as Cas leans against the table.

“Are you busy grading or do you want to make out?”

And isn’t that an easy choice?

 

After school Dean is walking to his car where he knows Castiel is waiting for him, but is interrupted by a “Mr. Winchester?”

He turns around to find Claire there and he looks around for Krissy. She’s standing by Claire’s car at the other end of the lot.

“I still don’t have that cheat sheet, Claire,” he grins. 

She rolls her eyes, “Okay, that was kind of stupid, I know. I was just wondering… if, you know… I mean, do you have a TA for next year?”

Dean shifts, “Uh no.”

Claire pulls on the strap of her backpack, “I mean I know I don’t have the greatest track record and your boyfriend has given me detention more times than I care to count, but I was just wondering…”

“You wanna be my TA?”

Shrugging, she breathes out, “Yeah.”

“Alright. Well, I’ll get the paperwork from Crowley and you can come by my classroom at some point tomorrow and we’ll fill it out, okay?” he explains.

She nods and a smile spreads over her face, “Okay. Cool. Later!” she grins and starts walking away.

Dean had never dreamed he’d be so popular with the punk lesbians of the school. But maybe he should have realized after befriending Charlie. She did wear Doc Martens. 

\----

An appointment is set up with Tessa the Therapist as her super hero name has become in the Novak-Winchester household, though it isn’t until after graduation.

Castiel just has time to give Claire and Ben detention one more time before school lets out, and then they’re seated on the bleachers, watching the football field, which has been filled out with folding chairs for the seniors, and Dean lets out a loud whistle when Krissy Chambers walks across the stage. And Ben Braeden, because his mother used to bring him muffins when she had a crush on him two years ago.

Krissy hugs him and asks her mom to take a picture of them together, and then she’s off before it can get too sentimental. 

Dean and Cas go home after the ceremony and make love in the hammock Cas had put up in the backyard the week before. Despite the risk of broken bones it’s worth it right up until Gabriel gets home from work and yells at them out of the open backdoor that he’ll “get them for public indecency!”

Castiel yells back that he’ll get _him_ for trespassing since it’s private property, _not_ public.

Dean is feeling fairly peaceful when summer begins.


	12. Phobias and Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel is switched out for Sam and Jess. Castiel learns something new about Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't amazing but some things had to be worked out so... there you go. I think the story is going to come to an end before long. 
> 
> Again, thank you everyone who's left kudos and comments, it means the world! <3 <3

“Your brother is coming?” Gabriel asks (it comes out at “oah brower os comong?” because of the stupid lollipop in his mouth).

“Yeah, him and his girlfriend. They’re flying in in three days,” Dean says. He’s drinking a beer, but it’s the first one of the day and it’s 2pm and also the first day of summer.

Castiel looks up from where he’s making homemade spaghetti, flour in his hair and up to his elbows, “You can stay, if you want? But we’re flying to South Dakota a few days after they arrive.”

Gabriel knits his brows at his brother, “The fuck is in South Dakota?” then waves his hand, “Whatever. I can hardly stand _our_ family so I don’t much care to hang out with others’. My job is as good as done so I’ll look for a flight back ASAP.”

“Are you visiting our parents this summer?” Castiel asks, wiping at his forehead and leaving another streak of flour there.

Dean vaguely remembers something about them living in Europe. Cas’ sister too?

“Well, Anna promised to take me to see We Will Rock You, and if I went to Europe and didn’t visit our ‘rents, mom would have my head,” Gabriel pretend-strangles himself, sticking his tongue out causing him to drop the lollipop. Dean rolls his eyes.

“You’re going to see Anna? Isn’t she coming here in July?” Castiel tilts his head with the question.

Gabriel looks at the lollipop he has just picked off the floor and shrugs to himself, popping it back into his mouth. “Oh, right. Hannah’s wedding. You gonna come now that you have a date?”

Dean smirks, “Oh, he comes plenty alright.” He ducks when the offending lollipop flies his way. He can’t escape the flour cloud Castiel creates by throwing a handful of flour at him.

“I’m not sure yet. I don’t know how long we will stay with Dean’s family,” Castiel answers.

“You were supposed to RSVP yesterday, you know,” Gabriel hops off the kitchen island he’d been sitting on, “Anyway, I gotta go get myself another lollipop, since _someone_ made me use it as a weapon!” he glares at Dean. Dean flips him off.

 

Gabriel leaves the next day and Cas takes him to the airport, leaving Dean to go to his first session with Tessa by himself.

He sits in the waiting room, which is very pristine and he hates every inch of it. He purposefully leaves the wrapper from his gum on a table when his name is called and he’s beckoned into an office.

She looks nice enough and, really, it’s not about her. At all. But Dean doesn’t want therapy. He doesn’t want to need it. But now he’s here, and that probably means that he does.

He knows what’s wrong though. Abusive, controlling ex; absent, alcoholic father; dead mother. It’s not deep-rooted. He doesn’t need to be _analyzed_. 

So he wastes an hour making awkward and impersonal small talk with Tessa. And at the low cost of $200. What a bargain. Could've gotten it for free at a bus stop.

He can’t look Cas in the eye when he gets back home. And he makes sure Cas doesn’t catch the drink he sneaks after dinner. Besides it’s only one. It’s not a big deal and Dean is fine.

\----

They only have two days before Sam and Jess are due to fly in and they invite Charlie, Benny and Andrea over for brunch one morning. 

“Hey brother. Saw your name on the mailbox,” Benny grins and claps Dean on the back in a manly man-hug. Dean grins excitedly, “looks good, donnit?” 

He was added to the lease almost a month ago, but he doesn’t tire of getting actual _mail_ here. That means he lives here!

Andrea kisses Dean on the cheek and hands him a bouquet of flowers. Because she’s an adult, and that’s a thing adults do. Cas takes them from him and thanks Andrea. Dean can’t believe he and Benny are dating grown-ups. They still sometimes spend their breaks seeing who can spit the furthest or racing each other to the teachers’ lounge. 

“Hey, thanks,” Dean smiles at Andrea and lets her pass. She smiles at him and it’s actually not completely cool this time. He’d gotten the distinct feeling that she didn’t like him. Probably because she’s pregnant and wants Benny to stop racing the other teachers and Dean is an enabler.

“They’re lovely,” Castiel smiles all adorably as he arranges them in a vase. He takes a plate of scrambled eggs in his other hand and brings it all into the sunroom, “I was hoping we could sit outside, but I’m afraid it’s too windy.”

“Yes, and it’s bug season,” Andrea agrees.

Dean shows Benny the living room and the bigger man runs a hand over the spines of the books on the bookcase, “this is a nice place. Guess you hit jackpot with him in more ways than one,” Benny grins and nods in the direction of the sunroom where Cas and Andrea are discussing the flower garden. 

Dean doesn’t say anything but feels kind of bad. It’s not like he’s dating Cas for his house.

“What kind of place did you even live in before?” Benny asks, pulling out the Kripke book Dean had gifted Cas all those months ago.

“Michael owned a three-story house,” he mumbles. Benny whistles impressed, but doesn’t look up. Dean is grateful, he doesn’t want eye contact when Michael is brought up. He kicks the top of his shoe into the carpet. 

“Does it feel small to you?” Benny asks and puts the book back.

“No, of course not. This is better,” there are no stairs to be pushed down. Not that Cas would do that, but still. It’s a nice insurance to have.

“What’s up bitches?” Charlie walks right into the house and the living room. She foregoes a hug from Dean in favor of picking up Mr. Whiskers and burying her face in his orange fur.

Castiel calls them into the sunroom, except for Dean, “Will you get the coffee? It should be done about now.”

“Sure thing, Boss.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Yeah, keep that shit in the bedroom,” Charlie scrunches her nose up. Benny downright _giggles_ and Andrea scrunches her nose up at Charlie’s comment.

Soon enough they’re all seated in the sunroom, passing around toasted homemade bread (Dean’s), homemade jam (Cas’) and fresh cut fruit. And coffee, so much coffee. They’re _teachers_.

“Benny told me you were picked up for an exhibition?” Charlie says around four strawberries in her mouth. Andrea leans back to avoid any stray red spittle.

“I actually had to decline, they wanted more pieces than I was comfortable attempting to finish within a certain timeframe.”

Awkward. Andrea illustrated books and she was good at it. But she wanted to be a gallery-worthy artist and it wasn’t going so well. Dean tried to keep up with it but she got angry when he asked at a time where it wasn’t going well. He had his own shit to deal with too.

She turns to Dean, “I hear you’re seeing a therapist?”

Double-awkward. Who brings that up at brunch?? Dean coughs and Castiel gets up, “I’m going to put on more coffee,” ultimately saving Dean from having to admit that he’s not planning on seeing Tess again. 

\-----

 

Dean still hasn’t told Castiel how he’s fucking terrified of flying. He isn’t planning to either, figuring that if he can do it for five years because Michael wanted him to, he can do it with Cas too. He’ll get really drunk and take some sleeping pills. And hope it’ll make him pass out and not vomit on a stewardess. 

That’s his carefully crafted and mature plan until they get to the airport. They’re not even going anywhere yet; they’re just there to pick up Sam and Jess. It’s enough to make Dean tremble and he’s pissed four times in the 15 minutes they’ve been here.

Cas squints at the board with all the times for arrivals and departures, “It looks like they are half an hour delayed.” Dean squeaks some reply and tries to breathe.

“Let’s go to Starbucks,” Castiel says, grabbing Dean’s hand. And from then on it’s mostly Dean grabbing Cas’ hand. He looks at the planes outside the window and must have squeezed Cas’ hand, because Cas flinches away, “Ow!” he holds his slightly red hand in his other hand.

Dean frowns and covers the hurt hand with both of his own, “Oh no, I’m so sorry baby. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Are you? You seem… on edge?” Castiel asks but then it’s their turn to order.

His giant moose of a little brother and his beautiful fiancé finally arrive and there are exchanged hugs and introductions and ‘how _are_ you’s because Dean is a fragile little flower now, apparently. He rolls his eyes.

The get the couple’s luggage and before long Dean’s behind the wheel of the Impala, driving them home.

He doesn’t get that far. He’s not even sure what triggers it, but it's probably just being at the airport. Because he starts thinking about how they have to buy tickets soon, and then they have to go on the flight, and he wonders how Cas might react when he finds out his boyfriend is an emotional wreck on an airplane, and if it’s going to be anything like how it was with Michael – teeth clenched as he tells Dean to get over himself, that he’s an embarrassment, finger shaped bruises on his arms and thighs, public slaps in the face to get him to _pull it together_ and Dean crying in the tiny airplane lavatories. 

Realizing what’s about to happen when the first gulps of air escape him he pulls over and comes to a halt at the side of the road.

He’s not even on a fucking plane and here he is having an anxiety attack over it.

Everyone in the car yelling isn’t helping and he thuds his forehead on the wheel, curling in on himself.

“Dean-Dean! Hey, look at me! It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be fine. Are you listening?” Sam says, his voice becoming calmer with each sentence. His hand lands on Dean’s shoulder and it grounds him. Dean leans back a little bit, rubbing his face in his hands. He’s starting to breathe normally so he takes a few deep breaths.

Feeling sick and afraid he really might be he leaves the car, mumbling, “I’ll be right back,” behind him.

They’re still on the highway – or the side of it currently, and Dean stays on the grass, hands resting on his knees as he tries to will the nausea away. It eventually does disappear. He stands back up and Cas comes out of the backseat where he’d sat behind Dean then.

“What happened, baby?” Cas asks, placing his hands softly on Dean’s cheekbones, cradling his face to get him to look at him.

“I’m sorry, babe, I’m really sorry. Ugh, that fucking sucks,” he says the last part mostly to himself. If he freaks out like this from just _visiting_ the airport then what’s going to happen when they actually get on a plane?

Castiel runs fingers through Dean’s hair, “Please don’t apologize, Dean. Do you know what triggered it?”

Dean sighs and tips his head back. He hears the squeak of the car door being opened and Sam appears over the hood where he rests his arms, “How are you holding up?”

Dean waves that he’ll be okay and Castiel holds his hip, eyes never wavering from his face. Dean looks back at Cas, “Will you drive the rest of the way?” Cas nods.

They get back in the car, Dean sliding in next to Jess, giving her an apologetic smile. She gives him a concerned one in return and places her hand over his on the middle seat.

“ _You’re_ driving? That’s practically a marriage proposal from Dean!” Sam jokes surprised when Castiel turns the key in the engine. 

Castiel smiles briefly in response and then turns to see if he’s okay to enter the highway. He waits for five cars to pass and he totally could have made it three times but then they’re finally back on the road.

“What happened, Dean? Was it just about being at the airport?” Sam turns awkwardly in his seat to look at him.

Dean shrugs and looks at his hands.

“What’s wrong with airports?” Castiel asks and Sam gapes. 

“He hasn’t-“ he turns to Dean, “You haven’t told him?!”

Dean groans. Cas asks, “Told me what?”

Sam gives Dean a bitch face and Dean sighs, “I just… I have this… irrational fear of flying. It’s not that big of a deal and I’ll be fine. I’ve flown everywhere the past five years.” He finishes strong at least.

Castiel isn’t happy though, “Dean! What didn’t you tell me? I had no idea; we’ll just drive to Sioux Falls. It’s hardly even a whole-day trip, is it?”

“It should be seven hours, tops. That's including a million breaks when Jess has to pee all the time,” Dean figures, grinning over at Jess who makes a face at him.

“Then that’s settled. Will you two drive with us as well, Sam?” Cas asks. 

“Hell yeah!” he says and then at the same time as Jess and Dean, “ROADTRIP!”

 

\----

 

It’s late at night and Dean and Cas are cuddled up in bed, sweat and cum cooling on their bodies and sheets. Neither is about to get out of bed to get tissues or towels because running into Sam or Jess after _that_ would just be too embarrassing. They’d tried to be quiet but the headboard must be coming loose or something. Or, you know, not.

“I can’t wait to meet the rest of your family,” Cas smiles giddily.

“I can’t wait to see them either. I haven’t seen them all together in over a year.”

Castiel draws invisible shapes over the ink-owl on Dean’s side, “Because of Michael?”

Dean grabs his hand when he gets to a spot that tickles, “Mhmm.”

“But you’re close with them?”

“Yeah,” Dean interlaces their fingers, “Why did you say you weren’t close with your family? You and Gabriel seemed close enough?”

Castiel sighs and pulls himself up to rest on his elbows, looking down at Dean. The moonlight highlights their features and Dean thinks that maybe Castiel is a fallen angel, he’s so beautiful.

“We aren’t very close- or I guess it’s more that we’re just very different. And we don’t talk much when we’re not physically together. It was always like that: too many different personalities in one house and everyone just left everyone to their own.” Castiel doesn’t sound bitter, but he’s not looking at Dean anymore.

“I was the only one who went to college, doing what our parents wanted us to do, but I came out to my family when I graduated. My parents didn’t much care for the whole gay thing. They weren’t homophobes and they weren’t horrible to me, they just thought I was being dramatic and… Political. I kind of stopped sharing things with them after that.”

“Have you told them about me?” Dean can’t help but wonder.

“I’ve mentioned you. They don’t like anyone I date so I don’t really bring it up.” Castiel starts drawing invisible designs on Dean’s skin with a finger again.

Dean nods, “I get it. What about your siblings?”

“We’ve all been busy with our own things, ever since I can remember. Balthazar was always hanging out with friends or partying or later travelling. And Gabriel was the same. I don’t even dare think about the things he got up to. I think he used to be in porn before he became a director. Like fetish stuff? I’m not sure. I never know where those two are, they could be anywhere in the world at any given point in time,” Cas chuckles.

He grows serious though when he brings up his sister, “Anna was troubled for most of her childhood and youth. She got mixed up in the wrong crowd in high school and ran away from home when she was 15. She didn’t show up until she was 18 and a legal adult. She has become politically involved since then, and she’s the one I hear from the least.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean offers. 

Cas shrugs, “It’s okay. I love them all very much and I’m fine with the way things are. I know they love me too. I don’t know if the possessive streak is a genetic thing or if it’s because of how we were raised. But whenever I’ve been in trouble a family member seems to find their way to me.”

“Well, I can’t wait to meet them,” Dean assures him. 

Castiel smiles against Dean’s hairline, “I can’t wait for you to meet them either, my love.”

Dean presses a kiss to Cas’ collarbone and grins, “Now tell me; what kind of trouble did you get in? Ever been handcuffed?”

Cas grins too, mumbling how he’d be the one to do the handcuffing if anything and Dean soon enough finds himself pinned under Cas. It’s fun and nothing like when Michael had pinned him down and Dean is so not thinking about that now. Soon enough the headboard is slamming against the wall again and next morning they’re met with tired glares from Sam and Jess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on tumblr: giantidiot.tumblr.com


	13. I Need You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean doesn't know how to deal with his emotions and everyone is pressuring him to figure it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write a fluffy chapter but... uh.. This is pure angst.

“Dean!” Jo screams excitedly when he gets out of the car. He just has time to close the door before she’s all over him, practically squeezing the air out of him.

“Ooof! Hi Jo, it’s good to see you too,” he grins.

Sam is leaning against the open car door of the front seat passenger side, “Yeah, Jo, hi to you too,” he says, bitch face donning his features.

Jo lets go of Dean and waves an arm at Sam, “I saw you like a month ago, I don’t care about you,” she jokes, “I haven’t seen Dean in a year!” She looks up at him, asking how he is.

Dean grins and grabs Castiel’s shoulder without looking at him, “Yeah, I’m good. This is Castiel,” he smiles briefly at Cas.

Cas smiles shyly and expectantly, and Jo just says, “Yeah, nice to meet ya,” barely casting him a glance, because then Jess gets to her and they’re hugging. 

He feels Cas shoulder slump under his hand and frowns at him, “You okay?” Cas nods.

He looks at Cas for a beat longer but he just smiles reassuringly, and Dean is too excited about being here to pry.

It doesn’t take them long to find their way out to Bobby’s backyard, beers in hand and the first evening is spend barbequing and messing with each other. With Cas in his lap and Bobby calling Dean and Sam idjits for bickering over tapes vs. iPod docs, Dean doesn’t think he’s been happier in a long, long time.

Dean is fully expecting this family vacation to be like that first night but he’s sorely disappointed. 

Everyone has welcomed Cas in their own threatening ways (Dean gets it, they were protective even _before_ everything with Michael) but otherwise accepted him. Bobby and Jess actually genuinely _like_ him.

Jo, however, isn’t impressed. And Cas feels the same way. So on their first morning in Sioux Falls, Dean comes downstairs to find Jo and Cas politely and subtly insulting each other over coffee.

“Do you date people in relationships often?” Jo asks snarkily without looking at Cas, as she’s putting on another pot of coffee.

Castiel is stirring milk into his cup, watching the white twirl into brown, “Are straight guys impressed by your knife collection?”

“It’s not about impressing anyone. I’m don’t mind having to use any of them. Keep that in mind,” she says innocently, popping pieces of bread into the toaster.

“Hey! Okay, calm down, it’s too early for that crap,” Dean says, holding up his hands as he walks in.

Castiel smiles all innocently, “Good morning, Honey. I didn’t want to wake you.”

“’Morning. You sleep okay?” Jo smiles just as innocently.

Dean groans and contemplates going back to bed, but then witnesses Jo and Cas grab for the same cup and trying to fill it with coffee while they both hold it, before handing it to Dean. He just quirks an eyebrow but takes it and goes into the yard where Bobby’s reading the newspaper. He’s hoping there’s a car that needs work that Dean can have as pet project while they’re here.

“’Morning,” Dean mumbles. Bobby mumbles the same thing right back. Dean can hear Cas and Jo go right back to bickering.

The days are lazy and Dean spends time working on a battered up ’66 Ford Mustang, going for walks with Cas and bickering with his family (and some time talking about Michael – or deflecting questions about him, mostly from Ellen). Everyone takes turns mediating between Cas and Jo.

“I once made Dean a pie that was so good he cried,” Jo says into the air. But actually to Castiel.

Cas glares at the side of her face, “He taught me how to make the perfect crust.”

“Did you know that I was his first kiss?” Jo says nonchalantly with a shrug of her shoulder.

“Did you know that I’ve been inside of him?” Cas bites back lowly. 

Before Dean can stop them, Jo retorts, “Did you know he’s been inside of _me_?” and Dean groans,

“Come on, you guys! What’s it gonna be next, you gonna start pissing on me?”

They apologize to Dean and glare at each other. He knows it’s the best he’s going to get right now. He leans back in his chair and when Cas’ hand finds his thigh, he rests his own hand on top of Cas’. He pretends he doesn’t see the gloating smile Cas sends Jo, and sips his beer.

The days blend together and Dean starts drinking earlier and earlier, but it’s _summer_. Time doesn’t exist.

Not everyone agrees apparently, because Sam knocks on the side of the Mustang and Dean bangs his head on the hood, “Ow, what the fuck?”

The overgrown moose chuckles, “Sorry.”

Dean glares and wipes his hands free of oil on a rag from his back pocket, “What’s up?”

“Can I talk to you?” Sam looks serious. 

Dean sighs, “Let me guess, you want to talk about Michael again?”

Sam shakes his head and looks down, “Castiel says you’ve been drinking,” he looks back up at Dean.

Dean grows hostile but tries to relax, “Oh, you wanna talk about Dad then?”

“No, Dean, come on,” Sam pleads. 

Dean huffs, “Why are you gossiping about me anyways?”

Sam pushes off from where he’s been leaning against the car and faces Dean. Dean turns back to the engine.

“We’re all just worried. Really worried. You’ve been drinking a lot these past few days. And Cas also said you’re not opening up to therapy,” Sam steps next to Dean.

“I’m fine! I’ve said it a billion times, I’m fucking _fine_!” Dean slams shut the hood and walks around the side of the car, his back facing Sam.

He hears Sam sigh, “Won’t you give therapy another chance?”

“No, Sam! Just leave it alone! Just leave _me_ alone!” Dean growls at Sam. His little brother looks like his puppy has been kicked. Dean wills himself to not care. 

The argument is enough to put Dean on edge. Now that he knows his family members are talking about him behind his back, the relaxation seems to seep out of his body and his muscles grow sore with tension over the next few days. He doesn’t want to talk about it. He just wants to go home.

He wants to be alone. And he wants desperately to tell everyone how he feels, how he _can’t_ be alone but he can’t be a burden to them either. He can’t be a burden to Cas. The exact moment he realizes this is when Cas is joking with Jess and Ellen, his face scrunching up as he laughs. Dean’s heart swells before he realizes that he can’t actually do this to him. Not to his family and not to Cas. His heart breaks and he goes to get another beer.

One day he picks a fight with Jess that makes Dean feel so guilty that he just avoids everyone for the next two days. The tension is high enough for Castiel and Jo to stop fighting over Dean.

Dean stays under the hood of the damn Mustang from he gets up in the morning and until Ellen comes to get him for dinner. 

He’s buzzed so it’s not terrible. He doesn’t even notice that it’s awkward, in fact. It isn’t until Sam asks if he’s eaten anything today that he notices that everyone had been silent.

“I’m eating right now, aren’t I?” he grumps.

“How much have you had to drink?” Sam asks then. 

Dean throws his fork on the table, "Will you get off my back?” he scoots his chair back. He doesn’t have to listen to this crap.

“Don’t get upset now, boy, we’re just worried,” Ellen says. And that’s probably the most emotional thing he’s ever heard her say. 

He gets out of his seat though, “I broke up with my boyfriend _three months ago_! And you’re all treating me like a child!” he stomps out of the kitchen and upstairs to the room where he and Cas sleep. And tries not to think about how throwing a tantrum like that kind of makes it fair that they’re treating him like a child.

He wants to cry. Instead he rips up a crusty napkin next to the bed. He looks around for other things he can safely destroy when there’s a knock on the door.

“What?!” he growls. Castiel timidly opens the door and steps in before closing it again.

“Hey honey,” Castiel sits down next to Dean on the bed.

Dean sighs. Castiel runs his fingers through Dean’s hair, “What’s bothering you?”

“I don’t think it was a good idea coming here. I wanna go home,” Dean confesses. He wasn’t ready to face his family and he still isn’t.

“But what about the wedding? Hannah’s wedding in Missoula?” Castiel asks. They were supposed to go straight to Montana after this family trip but Dean doesn’t think he can do it. He feels caged in with everyone _worrying_ and making everything out to be a big deal. Dean just needs some time. 

“I’m a mess around _my_ family. Why would you want me around yours?” he huffs.

Castiel kisses Dean’s forehead, “Because I love you. And I want to introduce you to my family.”

“I think I need some time to be alone.”

Cas licks his lips, like he’s unsure about saying something, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone right now.”

Dean closes his eyes as he sighs. He has to explain to Cas what he means, but he really, really doesn’t want to.

He swallows and looks up at Cas, “I can’t do this. I destroy everything I touch. And you deserve so much better. So I think you should just go on without me.”

Cas looks taken aback, mouth gaping, “What are you saying?”

“I need to be alone.”

“You-you’re saying you don’t want to be with me?” Castiel’s lip quivers.

Dean tries to talk around the lump in his throat, “I’m saying I _can’t_. You deserve so much better, Cas. You deserve things that I can’t give to you. Things that I can’t be for you.”

“No. No, Dean! You don’t get to break up with me, not after everything we’ve been through,” Castiel says assertively. His eyes shine with unshed tears.

Dean can’t hold his own tears back anymore, “I have to. Don’t you see that?”

“You’ve been drinking, you don’t know what you’re saying. Just… Go to sleep and we’ll discuss this in the morning. We’ll get you some help,” Castiel claims. 

Dean nods, he can’t argue with Cas anymore because he’s obviously not willing to see it. But Dean has made up his mind and when morning dawns in Sioux Falls, he is halfway to Lawrence by himself, goodbyes scribbled on paper in Bobby’s kitchen.

 

\-----

 

His address is Castiel’s. That’s old news, of course, but Dean isn’t sure what to do about it. He has some time, since Cas is scheduled to be in Montana for the next two weeks.

When Cas comes back maybe Dean can crash at Charlie’s until he finds his own place. He’ll figure it out. He’s positive that he’ll figure it out on his first day back, but he doesn’t tick off one little thing on the long list of things he _needs to figure out_. 

Like what about school? Should he quit his position? Is he really prepared to avoid Cas – and probably Charlie and Benny – until his retirement? 

Should he pick up Mr. Whiskers from Charlie’s since he’s here now?

Should he call his family and Cas back??? 

He’s so fucked.

Of course his first step is to get ridiculously drunk. He runs out of beer in two days and spends the next five crying and wallowing deeper into self-loathing. He shouldn’t have said those things to Cas, and he’s pretty sure that if he called him and apologized, Cas would probably take him back. But the whole problem lies in the fact that Cas doesn’t get that he’s way too good for Dean. He keeps his cellphone turned off.

Dean is reeling and he knows it’s fucking bad. And Cas was right, of course he was, the last thing Dean should be right now is alone. But there isn’t a single person he thinks he can face right now.

So when there’s a knock on the door Dean recoils. The person is adamant, knocking again and Dean dares to step into the kitchen and peak through the drapes he’d closed.

The knock and potential interaction is the first thing to remind Dean that he hasn’t showered in a week. Nor has he eaten anything but pasta and oatmeal, because that’s the only food in the house. The dirty dishes are stacked next to the sink.

“Hey, sorry to disturb you. But the mailbox hasn’t been emptied so I just wanted to give you your mail,” a postman stutters out while Dean squints against the brightness of outside.

He takes the mail from him. Bills, postcard for Cas, postcard _from_ Cas and shit. There is a letter from ‘Smith’ addressed to Dean, stamps showing it’s from Michael’s parents in Wyoming.

It’s with trembling hands that he opens it, and he barely gets past the first line before his heartbeat is so loud in his ears that he has to go lie down.

He comes back to it later that evening and his tears drip onto it, smudging the ink, but it’s clear. 

They’re suing him.

Dean feels so lost and in his moment of vulnerability (what a joke, that’s his whole life), he turns on his phone, and ignoring the texts and voicemails, he calls Cas.

“Dean?” His rough voice breaks the silence. 

Dean gasps quietly, “Cas. Cas- I need you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on tumblr: giantidiot.tumblr.com :)
> 
> Thanks for your kudos and comments, you guys are the best!


	14. The Road to Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is fluffy and nothing hurts

Castiel is nice enough to not bombard Dean with questions – neither over the phone, nor when he gets home two days later.

Dean is a teary, writhing mess as he waits for Cas at the airport, and not because of the proximity to airplanes this time. He’s wringing a brochure for Fun Things for Families Visiting Lawrence, the ink smeared with sweat.

His heart is galloping away at what feels like 100 mph and Dean just really hopes Cas will be here before he drops dead from a heart attack. He has to see him, he has to tell him it was a mistake – beg him to never leave (even if Dean was the one who left). And he has a metric ton of apology to get through before any of that.

People are giving him funny looks as he’s bouncing in his seat, and he probably smells like really gross anxiety sweat and he wish he could offer Cas better. At least he’d cleaned up the fucking mess that was their – Cas’? – house. 

He thinks he sees Castiel about 500 times before his flight is even due to arrive but suddenly a tuft of black hair and an ugly trench coat you can’t mistake is visible through the crowd and Dean is on his feet in a flash.

Before he can even consider that maybe he isn’t allowed this anymore, Dean is on him, crushing Castiel tightly to his chest and sobbing into his shoulder.

But Cas doesn’t seem to mind. He hugs Dean just as tightly, hand rubbing circles into his back.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry,” Dean blubbers over and over into Cas’ shoulder, his cheek, against his hair.

“Dean, it’s okay. I’m here now, calm down,” Cas says softly, stroking Dean’s scalp with his fingers.

Dean isn’t ready but he loosens his grip on the other man, just enough so he can lean back and look at him, “I’m sorry, Cas. Fuck, I fucking fucked up, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know where to begin.”

Cas pulls Dean back into the crook of his shoulder and neck, “It’s okay, Dean. We’ll have time to talk when we get home,” he says, voice soothing. Once again proving he’s too good for Dean.

 

\-----

 

The ride home isn’t awkward and Dean wants to thank every god that exists. It’s affectionate, their entwined hands resting in Dean’s lap as Cas drives the car, soft music playing from a tape Cas had sneaked into the car months ago.

When they get home they don’t start the many, hard and complicated conversations that they have to get through right away; they open all the windows to air out the stench of depression, stuffiness from Dean not having opened the door for more than getting the mail that one time. Then they make love on kitchen floor, which is too hard but just what Dean needs. 

Cas is so gentle and so slow, and Dean thinks it’s probably just what Cas needs too.

They’re lying on the floor, breathing slowing and sweat cooling and all their limbs practically braided together when Castiel says, “I’m too fucking old for this.”

Dean’s heart jumps. Too old for dramatic boyfriends that can’t get their shit together and who aren’t trustworthy?

Castiel must feel his brief panic, because he runs a hand down Dean’s chest, “Sex on the floor. My back is killing me.” Dean huffs a breath, half a laugh and half relief.

They settle in the bed instead, the sun shining in through the open window and a stray bee buzzing around in the closet. Dean can smell the array of flowers in the garden and if he wasn’t allergic it’d probably be more enjoyable. Cas gets up to close the window.

Castiel is sitting against the headboard and Dean is sitting next to him, slid forward so his head can rest on his lover’s chest. The drum of his heart is calming.

“I’m sorry, Cas. I don’t even have an explanation. Not one that’d make any sense, anyway.”

“You hit your breaking point?” Cas says it as a question. Dean isn’t sure he’s done breaking. 

“I shouldn’t have said those things. I shouldn’t have left. I just fucked everything up even more,” Dean admits.

Cas kisses the side of Dean’s head, “No, you shouldn’t have. And I'm not going to pretend like you didn't break my heart. But it’s going to be okay.”

“Are you gonna hate me forever?” 

“I couldn’t, baby. I could never hate you. I need you, too.”

Tears well up in Dean’s eyes and he’s probably severely dehydrated with all the crying he’s getting done. 

Cas slides down, making Dean slide with him so they’re lying down, facing each other, “Will you think about seeking therapy?” he asks carefully.

Dean swallows and then nods, “I have to. I don’t think Tessa is right for me, I think I need more intensive help.”

“Rehab?” Cas asks.

Dean frowns, “For the drinking?” he knows it’s serious but he doesn’t think it’s quite rehab- or Twelve Steps to God-serious.

“For depression,” Cas clarifies, his thumb gently stroking Dean’s cheekbone.

“You think I’m depressed?” Dean asks genuinely. It’s a pretty strong word.

“Yes, I do,” his thumb rests on Dean’s bottom lip for a second, before his hand moves down his neck.

Dean frowns to himself, mulling it over. Depression. He thought that was about feeling numb. Dean isn’t numb. No, the problem is that he’s everything but. That’s why he’s drinking in the first place.

“I think you should see a doctor. It would be a good place to start,” Castiel says after a few minutes.

Dean doesn’t want a bunch of diagnoses stuck to him. But he probably can’t run from it. He’s already dealing with anxiety attacks – whether he has the diagnosis or not.

“Cas?” Dean whispers, knowing he’s about to stray from an important topic, but having to get it out.

“Hmm?”

“Michael’s parents are suing me.”

Castiel sits up at that, “What? For what?!”

Dean sits up too, “Defamation. They say I’m lying about Michael, that he’d never do the things I said he did. That I’ve ‘ruined his reputation’.”

“That has to be a goddamn _joke_! The _nerve_! We’re calling Bela tomorrow, okay?” Castiel says, anger visible in his features.

“Yeah, okay,” Dean agrees lamely.

“Dean…” Castiel sighs, not wanting to voice the question for the millionth time, ‘are you okay?’

“I just- I can’t catch a fucking break, you know? I just want to forget everything, I don’t want to _deal_ with this shit anymore,” Dean groans, voice cracking halfway through when new tears roll down his cheeks - these ones out of anger and frustration.

Castiel pulls Dean to him again, wrapping his arms around him, “I know, baby. And I wish you didn’t have to. But we have to take it one step at a time.” The ‘we’ part makes all the difference to Dean and he breaks down into sobs.

He falls asleep at 5pm, emotionally drained and sleeps all night, grateful to wake up next to Cas.

 

\-----

 

Dean doesn’t want to leave Cas’ side any time soon, so he’s there when Cas’ phone flashes with a call from Sam. Cas answers it.

“I’m home with Dean now. He’s doing better,” Castiel tells Sam and Dean feels extraordinarily bad.

Castiel holds the phone against his shoulder to cut Sam off, “Will you talk to Sam?” he asks Dean.

He gulps but nods. He has to. He has just as much explaining to do to his family as he did to Cas.

“Hey Sammy.”

“What the hell, Dean? Why haven’t you answered your phone? Everyone is worried out of their minds!” Sam almost yells.

“I’m sorry. It all just became too much and I freaked, okay? I’m gonna get help,” Dean tells him.

Sam huffs a dark laugh, “Help? Like that one hour of therapy you had?”

He has all the reason in the world to mistrust Dean, but Dean is trying. “No, I… Cas suggested rehab. Like depression rehab.”

There’s a bit of silence but he can hear Sam breathing, “I think that’s a good idea.”

Dean nods even though Sam can’t see it.

“Dean, can I come and see you? I’d really like to see you,” Sam says softly. His voice is raspy. Dean hates himself a little more.

He runs a hand over his face, “There’s some shit I have to deal with first, but when it’s done I’d like to see you. Maybe everyone else too.”

“What kind of shit? Wait, is it your relationship? Cas said you broke up with him.”

“No, uh, we-we’re good. It was a mistake. It’s just… I mean there’s the rehab thing and then… uh, Michael’s parents are suing me,” Dean nearly whispers it.

Sam’s reaction is pretty much identical to Cas’. He tells Dean to hang up and call his goddamn lawyer, so Dean does just that.

He gets a meeting with Bela Talbot already the next day.

 

\-----

 

The meeting with Bela goes well and she calms Dean down a little. She points out how Michael’s parents can’t possibly have any evidence, since 1) Dean was being truthful and 2) they weren’t there. 

And after an afternoon with psychiatrist Frank Devereaux Dean has the diagnoses to back up his claim.

Castiel is with him this time and he stops the doctor as he’s about to prescribe Dean pill after pill and suggests rehab instead.

Devereaux crumples up the prescriptions, “Why didn’t you say so! There’s a wonderful clinic not 40 minutes from here. Let me call them and see when they’ll have you.”

It probably shouldn’t be that easy but Dean is grateful that it is. It wouldn’t have been if Cas hadn’t been there. Christ, Dean is helpless. Guess that’s why he’s going to a treatment center. He wonders how many times John must’ve turned in his grave at this point.

He has to deal with the lawsuit before he can enroll though, and it takes three weeks to build cases and agree on court dates. 

He gets a angry voicemail from Michael’s mother and Bela says that maybe Dean should sue _her_ for defamation. He deletes it, however unwise that is. He can't take much more.

Dean is as much of a mess this time around as he was the last time they went to court and he has to be escorted out of the room when he’s faced with Michael, because he won’t stop hyperventilating. Michael’s mother coughs “drama queen” as he passes by, Bela’s assistant’s arm firmly around his shoulders.

The judge arranges it so he doesn’t have to be in the room at the same time as Michael after that. 

Michael’s parents claim that Dean said it because he wanted money, which is preposterous because Dean has _lost_ a bunch of money because of this. On lawyers, therapy and on buying all new crap because he was too scared to ask Michael for his old stuff when he moved.

Then they say that it’s because Dean was having an affair and didn’t want to look bad so he made up a story to make it _okay_. Which is also bullshit, because Dean still feels guilty and like a dirty little cheater.

The judge can’t argue with the statements from last time, or Cain’s description of Dean’s injuries with accompanying pictures, or Dean’s brand new label of post-traumatic stress disorder. 

Nor can she argue when Michael calls Dean a “worthless sack of shit” right in front of the court when his family loses the lawsuit.

This time he doesn’t feel lost or like he’s drowning. This time he actually feels some semblance of closure. Maybe due to the fact that he has already had the depressive breakdown. The first major one, anyway.

 

\-----

 

Dean enters the treatment center a few days after. He instinctively hates it the first day he’s there but he does his best to be open to it.

He could lose everything if he’s not.

After his first week there he has a steady clique of Pamela (PTSD), Chuck (former English teacher across the hall from Dean, alcoholic) and Rowena (anorexia). He’s in group therapy with the girls and Chuck was just happy to see a familiar face. Even under those circumstances.

It’s not ideal and it’s not Charlie and Benny, but it’s better than just staring into the air by himself.

Charlie is the first to visit him and she has somehow snuck in Mr. Whiskers, who naps in Dean’s lap while they talk. 

“I feel like the shittiest best friend in the world,” Charlie admits, chin rested in her palm.

Dean huffs a dark laugh, “Are you kidding? _I_ feel like the shittiest friend in the world.”

Her eyes shine, “I should have been there for you.”

“It’s not like I gave you a chance to,” Dean makes a sweeping gesture with his hand.

“I’m gonna be here from now on, okay?” she says as assertively as she can muster with a quivering lower lip.

He wants to tell her that she _has_ been there, that she’s done everything she could and more, that this is all Dean’s fault. But she hasn’t though. She’s been there with an easy friendship, but she wasn’t there when he needed her, not in the way he needed her to be. He doesn’t blame her or hold grudges – he isn’t even mad. But he now knows that this wasn’t all his own fault.

He nods at Charlie’s promise, “Thanks.”

She’s still tearful when she waves with Mr. Whiskers’ paw before putting him back in his cage so they can go home.

 

Castiel visits the next day. 

And he doesn’t even get to ask before Dean is telling him all about how he’s doing, what he’s learning. He tells him about things he’d forgotten. Terrible, dark things that triggers Dean at the most inopportune times but that he’s now dealing with. 

Castiel cries while Dean tells him some of those things. Dean doesn’t, he just holds Cas’ hand and explains that this is good.

“You won’t believe how much I’m missing you,” Dean says.

“You won’t believe how good it is to see you smile,” Castiel practically sobs.

 

\-----

 

Dean celebrates the 4th of July by having Pamela read his palm and Rowena braiding Chuck's beard. Charlie and Cas tell him about how they spent it together, getting drunk on wine coolers and nearly burning down the whole garden when they tried to barbecue. He smiles all idiotically with affection for them.

Benny is gone the whole summer, spending his holiday in Hawaii with Andrea and her branch of the family. Dean gets a phone call from him that’s so emotional they make each other promise to never tell anyone about it.

Dean is released after three weeks and four days. He knows he still probably has years of therapy to go through and Dr. Devereaux is probably already writing prescriptions again, but it doesn’t feel like his future is just a dark abyss, nor does it feel like it’s looming over him. It’s bright for the first time since his very first day as a high school teacher.

He’s out just in time for Cas’ birthday in the beginning of August, and he finally gets the chance to meet his family. His parents are a little cool at first, probably because Dean skipped out on that wedding – and made Cas do the same. But either Cas or Gabriel (who Dean is putting his money on) gives them a talking to and they warm up to him.

Balthazar is nice and funny, and Dean likes him even though he flirts with Sam and Jess who are there too, as well as his own date he’d brought.

The sister, Anna, takes an instant liking to Dean and they two discuss obscure literature almost all evening.

Everyone is staying at hotels and motels in town. Gabriel, Sam and Jess because they can already imagine the ruckus the pair is going to make on a _birthday_. They already know that Dean can’t keep it down and that the headboard needs to be pushed all the way against the wall so it won’t fucking _slam onto it_. They don’t need the Special Occasion Edition.

 

The rest of summer goes the way the whole summer should have, hanging out with family and having sex outside under starry skies and having picnics in the park with their friends. Dean is still hurting and getting anxiety attacks at least once a week, but he’s healing.


	15. A Well-Deserved Happy Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a journey! I thoroughly enjoyed writing this fic (most of the time, sometimes my imagination goes away, and I stress myself out by postponing exam work, and people say rude things in the comments) and I'm going to miss it. 
> 
> Most of all I'll miss getting your guys' feedback and chatting to you in the comments section. I've never had response like what I've gotten during this fic and it's been amazing. 
> 
> I hope you guys liked What You Are, and you've really deserved this fluff after what I've put you through :D

“So… That was quite a summer you had, huh, brother?” Benny says to Dean. He’s stirring hazelnut creamer, which has become the crack of the office, into his coffee. Dean is stirring some into Cas’ cup of coffee.

“Fuck. I almost feel like I need a vacation after it,” Dean admits but he’s smiling.

They walk back to the table, sliding coffees to Charlie and Cas, who mumble their thanks without looking up from the Youtube video Charlie is showing Castiel. Likely cats with hats on.

“But it’s over now, right?” Benny asks.

Dean shrugs, “I hope so. I mean I have a shit-ton of therapy in front of me, but yeah, I think the worst is over.”

Benny smirks, “Maybe you’ll be up to date on your grading for a whole school year.”

“Shut up,” Dean shoves Benny playfully with his elbow and they both laugh.

“I’m going to go to my classroom now. Do you wish to join me, Honey?” Cas asks after finishing watching cat videos.

Dean nods and they hold hands as they walk through the steadily crowding halls till they get to their classrooms.

“See you at lunch- hey when’s your free period?” Dean is standing in Castiel’s doorway, their hands still entwined.

“Fifth period again.”

Dean nods, “Good. Me too. You wanna make out in my classroom then?”

A grin and a blush spread on Cas’ face and someone mumbles “Uuhhhh…” from behind them.

Dean turns around to find his new TA, “Claire! Sorry, you weren’t supposed to hear that!”

She lifts an eyebrow, “Krissy warned me about this.” And then she goes into Dean’s classroom. Castiel quickly kisses Dean goodbye before nudging him towards his classroom.

 

\-----

 

Benny was right; Dean has graded papers ready within a week after the due date all up until the first week of December.

That’s when Dean breaks another bone. This time it was worth it though.

Dean is coaching the C-squad basketball team again this year and Castiel is busy with the theater department, so Dean takes them home in the Impala everyday.

“Why are you all sweaty? I thought your job was to yell at freshmen to run - not to actually run?” Castiel asks, nose scrunched up at Dean. He’s looking in through the open passenger side-door at Dean, who’s behind the wheel.

“Well, they weren’t doing a good job running suicides, so I had to show them how it’s done.”

“… And _I’m_ the hardass.”

“You gave my TA detention! Whatever, just get in the car, babe, I wanna go home and shower.”

Cas purses his mouth, “Alright, fine. But I get to shower with you.”

There’s the clank of dropped keys and they look up to find Charlie there, “You guys are disgusting.”

“-ly cute!” Dean yells after her and then Cas finally closes the door after sitting down in the passenger seat, and they take off.

 

They get home and Dean is starting the shower while Cas fills Mr. Whiskers’ food bowl. Dean is already under the shower when Castiel pulls the curtain aside to join him.

“Hey,” Dean says softly, pressing his body against Cas’.

It earns him a smirk, “Hey.”

Dean rubs shampoo between his hands before lathering the foam in Cas’ hair, weaving his fingers through his dark hair, “How was your day, babe?”

Cas hums, his eyes closed against the foam slipping down from his hair, “’Twas good. I think Emma is a wonderful lead. Sorry for giving your TA detention.”

Dean huffs a laugh, his hands spreading the soap across Cas’ shoulder blades. Incredible how something so simple can turn him on. “She thought being my TA would be her fee pass from getting detention from you. I told her you’re a fucking hardass, there's nothing I can do.”

Cas squints, his own soapy hands gliding down Dean’s back to his butt, “I’ll be hard in…in your… ass.”

Dean laughs, “You’re so bad at this.”

“Hmm, luckily you don’t care,” Castiel says and nonchalantly pops open the top of the shower-lube. That had to become a thing, because no one wants to run wet and naked to the bedroom for lube. They’d learned from their mistakes.

Dean closes his eyes with a sigh when Cas pulls him closer by the hip, their dicks sliding together.

Shower sex is complicated, that’s no secret. And neither Cas nor Dean is particularly athletic or flexible. But they’ve made it work before. Like, on multiple occasions. Hence the shower-lube.

Of course usually they’re not completely soaped up, and usually they both keep their feet on the ground. This time Dean’s back is against one wall of the shower, one foot is on the floor and the other on the wall opposite from him. It allows Cas better access.

Dean knows he’s slipping with the foot that’s on the ground, sliding slowly on the soapy surface, but what Cas is doing is really good, and he really thinks he can gain better leverage with his other foot; he just needs to move a little bit back. So he slides the foot on the wall down a little bit, trying to push himself back into place from where he sliding. But as soon as he moves his foot, the one on the floor loses all grip and soon enough both men are lying in a heap half in the shower, half outside.

“Fuck. Ow,” Dean mumbles from under Cas.

Cas gets up on his hands, his legs still tangled with Dean’s, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine. You?” Dean says, nudging Cas to get him to roll off. Cas sits up.

“I’m likely going to get some bruises,” he looks around on his own body and then smiles down at Dean, “But otherwise fine. Who doesn’t like sex bruises, anyway?”

Dean chuckles, “A fair point.” He pauses, “This doesn’t mean we’re too old for shower sex, does it?” He frowns.

“Well, neither of us has broken a hip,” Cas grins. He gets up and turns the shower off.

Dean tries to get up too, pushes on his arms, “ _Ow_ , shit!”

Castiel turns around from where he’s getting them towels, “What’s wrong?”

Dean looks at the offending arm. The pain is slightly familiar. And the arm isn’t supposed to bend that way. He huffs.

“Dean, what is it? Are you hurt?” he squats down next to Dean.

Dean groans in frustration and gets up using his other arm, “I think it’s broken.”

“Oh no! Really?” Castiel looks close to tears. He pulls a towel around Dean’s shoulders.

“Relax, baby,” Dean keeps looking at his arm.

Cas squints against tears that threaten to fall, “We have to go to the hospital.”

“I know. Let’s just get dressed. Cas, seriously, calm down,” he cups Cas’ cheek, his thumb brushing against his lower lip, “It’s fine.”

“I can’t believe you broke your arm and it’s all my fault. You deserve a boyfriend that doesn’t cause you broken bones,” he sniffles. 

Dean turns around and grips Cas’ arm firmly, though not hard, “ _Not_ your fault! This wasn’t your fault, it was an accident, it’s a _shower sex_ accident. Okay?”

Cas nods and Dean leans in to kiss him softly.

They run in to a problem when Dean tries to get dressed. Cas is already fully dressed and Dean has his boxers up to his knees. He can’t bend one of his arms for fuck’s sake.

When Castiel notices he comes over, “Let me help,” he reaches for the underwear around his knees. 

Dean growls, “No!”

Castiel rolls his eyes, “Don’t be ridiculous, it’s going to take all evening.”

Dean ignores him and after a few minutes his underwear is mostly on. On to pants.

Castiel doesn’t have the patience for Dean to do that by himself and Dean mutters about how humiliating this is while Cas rolls his eyes at him. Dean can’t get a shirt on, so he settles for keeping the towel around his shoulders for some sort of coverage. He dry-swallows a painkiller before Cas drives them to the ER.

After waiting for three fucking hours it’s Dr. Cain who greets them. He raises an eyebrow, “Dean Winchester. I thought I was done patching you up.”

Dean sighs while Cas bites his lower lip, “Yeah, I fell. I think I broke my arm.”

Cain nods, “Impressive,” he looks at Dean’s file he’d filled out when he arrived, for a second, “We need to get some x-rays,” then he looks up at Cas, “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m going to have to ask you to wait outside.”

Castiel looks crestfallen but nods, “Okay. You’ll be okay, right baby?” he asks Dean.

“I’ll be fine, Cas. I won’t be long,” he assures him as calmly as he can. He’s incredibly frustrated. It was his right arm. Now he has to ask students to write all his notes on the whiteboard for him. 

He doesn’t even want to think about the gossip that’s going to flare up.

“That new boyfriend of yours didn’t do this, did he?” Cain asks casually.

Dean frowns, “No, it really was an accident. I fell in the shower.” And after a beat he continues, “And he’s hardly my ‘new’ boyfriend, we’ve been together for a year.”

Cain lifts an eyebrow to signal he’s heard him but doesn’t otherwise respond, then sets up the x-ray machine and prepares Dean.

They get the photographs, one blue bone clearly fractured. Cas squeezes Dean’s other hand. Dean gets a cast and with an “I hope you’ll be more careful when you shower in the future” from Cain they’re off.

 

\-----

 

Dean goes straight to his classroom the next day, not ready to tell all the other teachers that he broke his arm when he tried to bang Cas in the shower.

“Mr. Winchester! Can I- wow, what happened?” Claire interrupts herself. She’s already in the classroom and had stood up when Dean came in.

Dean rolls his eye, “I fell.”

Claire looks disbelievingly at him, “Okaaay, are you sure?”

“Yes, Claire, I’m sure,” he grits out between clenched teeth.

She worries her lip piercing but decides to let it go, and starts again a little more quietly, “Mr. Winchester, can I be excused in the free period? I have an errand to run.”

Dean turns to look at her, “Uh, sure? Will you be back for the rest of classes?”

“Yeah, I’ll be back for sixth period.”

She takes off at the beginning of lunch, and Dean and Cas walk to the teachers’ lounge hand in hand.

There’s a dramatic gasp when he enters and then Charlie is on him, “What happened?”

“I fell,” Dean looks behind her, trying to will her to understand that he wants to go sit at their table. All the teachers are looking at Dean, Charlie and Cas standing awkwardly in the doorway.

“You fell?! Where?” Charlie says, clearly not buying it. She looks at Castiel then, and her eyes turn to slits, “You didn’t do this, did you?”

Castiel lifts his hand in surrender but Dean steps in before he can say anything, “No, he didn’t, Charlie. Don’t even ask him that.” 

His tone is enough to make her back off, and she smiles apologetically, “Sorry, Cas.”

“It’s okay,” he says and they make their way to where Benny’s sitting. 

He asks what happened too, and before he knows it Garth is there too, looking worried. Crowley appears out of nowhere, giving Castiel a dirty look.

Dean doesn’t even think to stop himself before he bursts out, “I fell when we tried to fuck in the shower, okay?!”

Garth kind of gapes and Crowley claps Cas on the shoulder, grinning “Atta boy,” at him. Dean rolls his eyes while Charlie and Benny burst out laughing. Castiel blushes.

Charlie steals a pen from Benny and clicks it on, “Can I sign it?” she grins and nods at Dean’s cast. 

He extends his arm to her, “Don’t draw a dick on it again.” She doesn’t, she writes ‘#showersex’. Benny is the one who draws the dick.

Castiel, the fucker, writes ‘Dean loves Cas’.

Dean snatches the pen when Cas is about to hand it to Garth, “Okay, enough! I’m gonna go back to my room, you wanna come?” he asks Castiel, who nods.

They clean up after their lunch and Dean follows Castiel into his classroom.

Cas erases the notes on the whiteboard from his last class and Dean hops up to sit on his desk, studying the signatures on his cast, “’Dean loves Cas’. Really?” he says incredulously.

The other man smirks and walks over to stand between Dean’s thighs, “It’s not a lie.”

“That it ain’t,” he grins against Cas’ mouth as he leans in to kiss him. Castiel presses harder against him and soon enough Dean is lying back down on the table, Castiel bend over him. And Dean really can’t come back after free period with a hickey!

Well, maybe he can…

The universe has other plans, apparently, because there’s a knock on the door and Cas just has time to get his hand out of Dean’s pants before it opens.

“Are you guys _serious_?!” 

And okay, that’s just bad luck – she was supposed to be gone this period.

Dean pulls his button-down down to cover his lower stomach again, grinning apologetically, “Sorry.”

Claire groans, kneading her eye sockets with her fists, “I should’ve listened to Krissy.”

 

\------

 

This Christmas there’s a bunch of flying involved, but luckily Dean doesn’t have partake in any of it. 

He rushes around to clean the house while Castiel counter-cleans, hanging shedding tinsel everywhere and insisting on a real tree, shedding needles everywhere too, and he makes his own decorations too, leaving a trail of shiny paper and glitter wherever he goes. Dean is so okay with it.

Michael had always insisted on a modern-looking white plastic tree and store-bought decorations with lights. And a bunch of shit made out of glass that hurts to be pushed into, and hurts even more having to step on to get up from being pushed in to. Dean tries not to think about it.

“Honey, where’s the mistletoe?” Castiel asks from the archway to the living room, looking curiously at the spot where it’d been until yesterday.

Dean chuckles, “You know where it is.” And Castiel smirks when he remembers that Dean had relocated it to their bedroom. He puts it back to its original spot though.

They spend most of the days before Christmas picking people up from the airport, and maybe their house really is too small for the entirety of _both_ of their families. Dean wouldn’t want it any other way though.

He and Sam are at the grocery store on the 24th to pick up marzipan, of all things, because Cas’ parents thought it could be fun to mold it into animals and elves and other crap. Some European tradition they’d picked up.

“So, what? You just fell? How do you just fall in the shower?” Sam asks from behind Dean as he follows him up and down aisles. 

Dean had gotten a soft cast by then but of course there was another bombardment of questions when his family saw him with yet another broken bone.

He stops when he finds the right aisle and looks at the many varieties. Then he smirks at Sam, “Well, I wasn’t alone.” 

Sam gets it and groans, “I hate hearing about your sexcapades!” 

Dean chuckles and says all innocently, “Hey, I didn’t even say anything.”

“Do you ever talk about anything but sex, Mr. Winchester?” someone says from a few feet away and Dean turns to find no other than Krissy standing there, hand firmly entwined with Claire’s.

“Hey! Back from New York?” he asks, excited to see her.

“Just for the Holidays. What happened to your arm?” she cocks a curious eyebrow.

Dean bites his lower lip and Claire fills her in while rolling her eyes, “Sexcapades, Kris, come on.” Krissy rolls her eyes too. 

They chat for a bit, mostly about NYU and Claire being the new TA and then say their goodbyes. Dean grabs a whatever brand of marzipan, and he and Sam head for the checkout.

“So, Dean, you know how Jess is pregnant,” Sam begins while they’re standing in line.

“It’d be hard to miss,” he says, thinking about Jess’ swollen stomach. 

Sam hesitates a little, “I know we still have a few months to go, but I was just wondering… if- well, we want you to be the godfather.” 

“A man who doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a real man,” Dean grins. He’s beyond excited. 

Sam frowns, “Are you seriously quoting the Godfather?”

Dean shrugs, “How can you expect me not to? But yeah, I’d be honored to, dude.”

“Great!” Sam says excitedly, looking like a puppy as he almost wiggles.

They’re walking across the parking lot when Krissy calls for him, “Mr. Winchester!” she jogs up to him, Claire standing by her car.

Dean throws the keys at Sam who goes to get into the Impala.

“What’s up? Hey, you know you can call me Dean now, right?”

Krissy grins almost proudly, “Yeah, whatever. I just wanted to say it was good to see you again.”

Dean nods, “Yeah, you too. I’m glad you’re doing well up in the Big Apple.”

“Ew, no one calls it that. Anyway, I’m glad that… you know, everything worked out for you,” she looks down at her holed Converse All Stars.

He worries his lower lip, “yeah,” she looks up at him and he continues, “Yeah, I am too.”

“Well… Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Krissy. You’re welcome to crash any of my classes anytime you’re in town, alright?”

She grins, “Sure thing, old man.” And then she’s jogging back to Claire, waving back at Dean.

Sam is smirking at Dean from where he’s leaning up against the Impala, “’She have the hots for teacher or something?”

Dean laughs all the way home.

 

\-----

 

Everyone is drunk on eggnog and Irish coffee (well, except for Jess who’s pregnant, and Cas’ mother and Ellen, because someone has to drive) when Christmas comes to an end.

Castiel is sitting on the couch with Sam and Ellen, while Jo, Anna and Dean are bend over a comic book Jo had gotten from Bobby. His leg is stretched out so he and Dean can have physical contact, where Dean’s side is pressed against it. 

Bobby, Balthazar and Cas’ mother are outside, looking over Dean’s Baby. An unexpected bonding-point to everyone.

Gabriel is passed out in the guestroom, and that’s where he’s left when everyone goes home, Anna kissing Dean on the cheek and ruffling Castiel’s hair before closing the door after her, the last one to get out.

Castiel and Dean settle back on the couch, Dean lying in the V of Cas’ legs, and Cas’ hands drawing patterns on Dean’s shoulders. 

“This was a wonderful celebration,” Cas says sleepily.

The lights on the tree are still on and he’s as beautiful as ever in the glow from it. Dean scoots up to kiss him, “Yeah. Best Christmas I’ve had since… Well, probably ever.”

“Mmh, hopefully it’ll become tradition.”

Dean smiles against Cas’ chest. They’re going to have to be together for very many years for it to become a tradition. Maybe even the rest of their lives. He hopes so.

“I love you.”

A warm hand glides down his back to pinch an asscheek and Dean playfully bites the thin skin of Cas’ neck.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr at giantidiot.tumblr.com if you wanna be friends.


End file.
